It has been 2 months since she walked out and the pain has gotten worse. The sleep is less the eating is less and the will to continue fades. What helps ? How do you ease the pain. Don't make this religious please.<P>I just can't seem to keep it together. I feel weak and feel what I believe to be - sorry for myself I guess.<P>I can't believe this has happened. I want so much to make it up to my wife - to show her it can be ok but don't think I will get the chance. That's how I feel right now. Part of me lives with the fantasy she will want to give it another shot, the logical me thinks it's history. I believe she will come back to town from visiting her family and tell me that she has become physically involved with om and we are finished.<P>I don't want to here that but am convinced that is what is coming. I'm just waiting for the big hurt. As if the rest hasn't been painfull enough.<P>Sh-t I hate this. I feel so weak and vulnerable and helpless. I sound like a real wimp (so out of character)

missing--i too am in your situation but<BR>my w is the betrayed and has already <BR>filed for divorce--miss her would be quite an understatement--i have completely closed the affair issue and <BR>have tried to detail to my wife my deep<BR>love for her and willingness to do absolutely anything to try to rebuild and repair the damage i've done--through<BR>a lot of therapy and this site i realize<BR>the mistakes i've made and am somewhat<BR>at peace w/ that...as for your situation<BR>first your health is vital because without it you cannot make clear decisions--are you in therapy? you should seek this out -- second - the weight loss and sleeplessness - you could probably see a dr. a psychiatrist<BR>for meds i had the same problem and am<BR>taking anti anxiety medicine at nite and<BR>now sleep straight through - i resisted<BR>taking them like we all do because we <BR>feel like it is a sign of being f-d up<BR>but view it as temporary because it will<BR>be and you will sleep and get your appetite back you need to start feeling<BR>a little bit better about yourself first<BR>before you can proceed to help your w and marriage--next -- talk to your w in<BR>a loving and nonthreatening way -- she needs you to deposit as many love units<BR>in her bank as you can -- get her to this sight take her here read through with her--try to get her to understand the concepts and how they apply to your <BR>situation -- she needs to see that her <BR>emotional needs can be met by you, and it will lessen her need for om -- keep<BR>reading the posts here there is so much<BR>help and people who can give you more <BR>advice i am only touching the surface here -- certainly don't lovebust and most of all be honest with her and tell<BR>her how you feel...good luck much peace<BR>and love ...trying hard<BR>

missingmywife,<P>trying hard is right on the mark!<P>You need to get on some medication quickly... maybe some anti-depressants.<P>You need to start pulling everything into a big time <B>Plan A</B>.<P>This is hard... we're all finding this hard... but if you sit back and just wallow in self pity... you will be lost... and your W lost to you.<P>Your W needs to find an envigorated... go get'em kind of guy... the one she fell in love with.<P>I know your not into religion... it's OK...<BR>But what an anti-depressant God has been for me... I know I'd be dead without!<P>Jim

MMW - I am in exactly your same situation except my W left me in June and is now lving with OM. She filed for divorce in August.<P>I know the pain is excruciating...unbearable at times. the first couple of months are definitely the worst. Here are my recommendations:<P>1. Trying Hard and NSR are right about the meds. GO SEE YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY!! He/she will put you on some anti-depressants. Do not be "afraid" of taking them. I'm on Zoloft...they take about 3 weeks or so to kick in (get to therapeutic levels in your bloodstream) but they DO WORK. They take you out of the suicide zone.<P>2. TALK to trusted family and friends. You'll sound like a broken record but don't worry about that. You will need support. Don't be afraid to CRY YOUR EYES OUT. It really helps.<P>3. Until the anti-deps kick in, you will lose weight and only sleep about 2 - 4 hours a night. This is "normal" for a person in depression.<P>4. Notify your boss of what is happening. Your work productivity will go down the toilet. He/she must know so you don't risk losing your job.<P>5. Talk to a psychologist or other professional therapist.<P>6. Although you said not to mention it, please consider getting to know God. I was like you before my crisis...then one day I just knew that accepting Christ was what was necessary for me to start to heal. You know...IT WORKED!!! Honestly. So much so that I figure that if the price for my becoming spiritual is my marriage - I got a bargain.<P>7. Come here and post often. There are a lot of good people here that will help you through this.<P>8. Finally, and I know this doesn't seem possible from where you sit, KNOW THAT THINGS WILL GET BETTER. I PROMISE.<P>------------------<BR>He who has a "why" to live for can bear with almost any "how".<P>-Nietzsche-

Sorry fellow hurting one, when you take God out of the picture you take out alot of people with him.

I'd start a PLAN "A" too. My take on it for me is, of course they leave because they don't feel loved. If you LOVE them that takes at least THAT out of the picture (even if they don't believe it at first THEY WANT TO!!) NO LB let the last feeling be about YOU be good anytime you talk. <BR> And finally IF (pray not) it never gets back together YOU will not have the guilt you are feeling now knowing you did all you could to TRY to save things. OM probably is not what she REALLY wants. She really wants you but has lost "Trust" in your relationship. (can you believe that it's THEM who have a trust issue??) <BR> I'm two months into W leaving and it's a REAL rollercoaster ride!! BUT so far NO LB (she has to search and try and make them up!!) At first she considered me telling her I love her a LB!!! <BR> Anyway, you sound like you need a new drug to sleep! GOOD LUCK and prayers. FRANK