<BR>what do you make of this that my<BR>wife sent a copy of divorce papers to ow -- was it out of anger or maybe she feels ow will<BR>stop harrassing her and me now<BR>or is she looking to go for my <BR>jugular?????????? any theories???

I think your W sent those divorce papers to OW out of anger. Also, her attitude to OW may be, "If you want him! You can have him! Here are the papers to prove it!"<P>Sorry things are going this way for you....

sounds like something i would do, if i had them to send.<BR>why?<BR>total anger AND, 'take him, i'm done'<BR>in fact, i told ow that when i was super mad at H....<BR>sigh

Dear Trying Hard:<BR>Yeah, I would definetly say, "Here are the papers you've wanted. Now you can have those and him too. Take him and those papers and have a good life..I don't care" and also her anger shows through all that also. I don't know if that makes you feel any better or worse but so far all of us are in agreement. Sorry it came to this point.

First thoughts are that she did this out of anger, but maybe not! Some of the ow's and om's here have turned tail fast when they knew the married person was no longer attached. Maybe the thought of a real committment scares some of these people and that is part of the desire to have a married person realtionship in the first place? <BR>Th, this should cheer you up!! I called one of the ow's after h told me "I told her I was happily married". The conversation between her and I went something like this. Me: were you aware that h was married when you had this affair? Her: yes, he said he was married. Me: then why would you want to have sex with him? Her: because i thought maybe he was not happy being married. Me: if he was not happy, why would he stay married? Her: uh, I thought maybe he was getting divorced but did not want to tell me. Me: you should ask to see divorce papers before you sleep with men that have families. Her: how could I do that when we were both overseas? <BR>What an imbecile this one was!!!!!!!!!!!!! She is definitely in the running for top op idiot award! <p>[This message has been edited by cl (edited October 24, 1999).]

Dear Trying Hard,<P>Sending the Divorce Papers seems like an appropriate response to the OW since (if I remember correctly) the OW sent your wife a lot of "paperwork" too. It also seems to me a way of signing off and saying 'responsible for my debts only' or something like that. I guess if it were me, I would be saying....I'm outta here and the mess you two have made, and I have the papers to prove it.<BR>I think you have hit rock bottom and can only go up from here. Now is the time to show the character, integrity and courage that you have been hiding for the past months. You have a good opportunity to start doing the right things. Handling your responsiblities towards this other woman and your baby is a good step in the right direction. I think that if your wife sees that you are facing your responsibilites squarely and exhibiting remorse and a true desire to make things right with her (wife), you have a chance.<P>Also,now is a good time to spend a few hours with God, if you believe in Him. I think you need the help of a higher power and He will help you, that is a guarantee.

well here's the update- met with w again<BR>yesterday 2nd time this weekend for a <BR>couple of hours- divorce papers were sent to ow because it is a requirement of the state because ow was named, felt<BR>a little better about that w not being so vindictive, we talked calmly no lovebusting and i tried to reassure her<BR>of how i feel and want to try to rebuild<BR>her heart is telling her she loves me but her head and her family is telling her to get out...we agreed on slowing things down a bit it has been a whirlwind for her since she got package<BR>from ow and she said she feels like she<BR>hasn't had a chance to breathe--i agreed<BR>to let her stay in the house so she could have the space i think she needs right now and we have even talked about <BR>a joint therapy session...so i guess given that we are talking and not fighting there is something positive to<BR>take from this for me...i guess until the papers are signed i can hold out some hope...i guess this separation will maybe give her the time to see what she <BR>really wants to do...me i am feeling much better...i started taking the meds <BR>and flipped out from them so i stopped<BR>and it's been two days and my head is clear and i slept ok so thats also a plus, they were making me so paranoid but today i feel good... i guess for now<BR>i have to go with the flow...in terms of<BR>bottoming out i hope there is no lower <BR>to go, but if there is i will deal with<BR>it as best i can, no matter what i have<BR>to start to rebuild my life and get back<BR>to the happy person i once was before all of this...looking forward to my court date w/ psycho ow on wednesday, i<BR>need to start resolving issues one at a time, one day at a time...thanks as usual to all who read and post you all have been inspiring and most helpful<BR>stay tuned...much peace and love trying<BR>hard

hello th, glad you are feeling better off the drugs. Better stick to the Wort if you are going to take something.<BR>I have not been following your story too closely, and know nothing of the papers sent to your wife. But have a comment on the space sh may feel she needs. Give it to her, but be there when she wants you there. This was hard for my h-he wanted to know what I was thinking every minute if I was not talking. He almost smothered me. After just a few days, I had to tell him that if he did not just let me be alone with my thoughts, then I would have to leave. It was quite civil, and he got it. We agreed that if I wanted to be alone, I would say so. If I wanted to talk about the affairs, he agreed he would. Communication right now if very important. Do not get irritated with her if things about the affair seem to come up out of the blue!! It happens all the time, and my h was very concerned and patient with me. It still means a lot to me that he supported me, in the way I needed, during this time.