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Originally Posted by CWMI
How about if we debate the difference between "I wasn't thinking" and "I was thinking of nothing"?

Anyone see a difference???

((raising hand))

I do.


Thinking about nothing is generally harmless. Your mind is empty...you are zoning out and taking a break.

Not thinking (esp when it comes to your S/O) is not considering them. It's inconsiderate / what we call "thouhtless"/ being a jerk. IBing really.

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Originally Posted by CWMI
Sexism is okay, but racism is offensive?

C'mon, people, not everyone shares the same sense of humor. Which reminds me, maybe we can find a black pride forum and post some racist comic videos on there. It'll be fun!

CW, do you honestly feel my post was racist?

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Thanks, Chris!

Anyone else?



Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Originally Posted by ChrisInNOVA
Originally Posted by CWMI
Sexism is okay, but racism is offensive?

C'mon, people, not everyone shares the same sense of humor. Which reminds me, maybe we can find a black pride forum and post some racist comic videos on there. It'll be fun!

CW, do you honestly feel my post was racist?

Absolutely not. Where would you get that idea?


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
(Oscar Wilde)
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Originally Posted by CWMI
I thought that there was no way I would have written that email how you did.

Mr W is an MB vet...an expert. We will be too one day smile

Quote
And that you're right, "He has no idea how much better life can be with a happy contented wife that completely loves and understands him."

Loving him, in the way that I desire to be with him, that I want to understand him, I got that.

All the other loving stuff, I can't do on my own. Do you know what he did today? Announced that he was switching to late shift on Fridays again, said he knew I wouldn't be happy about that but he felt he had no choice so he VOLUNTEERED for it.

*dies*

Try not to study each thing. He has a lot of learning to do & so do you.

(So do I and so does my H)

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I personally would love it if the thread jack could go away so that CWMI does not miss what Mr. Wondering is saying.


If you are serious about saving your marriage, you can't get it all on this forum. You've got to listen to the Marriage Builders Radio show, every day. Install the app!

Married to my radiant trophy wife, Prisca, 19 years. Father of 8.
Attended Marriage Builders weekend in May 2010

If your wife is not on board with MB, some of my posts to other men might help you.
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Originally Posted by ChrisInNOVA
Emotional "retardation" and logic are not related Mel.[/qyu9ote]

Exactly. What I call emotional retardation are people who attempt to use their emotions to run their lives in the PLACE of reason and logic.

[quote]Logic (true logic) stands apart from emotion. In theory a person who is able to use logic may or may not be emotionally "mature." What you said is like saying Mary can't ski because she has not learned how to jump double dutch. Please google the definition of logic & you'll see what I mean.

I don't think you understand what I am saying. A logical person may not have mature emotions, but the opposite extreme is what we see the most often, and that is ADULTS who use no reason and logic and rely on immature emotions for their decision making. Just imagine a hormonally challenged teenage girl who has no powers of reason. That typifies many adults in our culture today.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by ChrisInNOVA
CW, do you honestly feel my post was racist?

Originally Posted by CWMI
Absolutely not. Where would you get that idea?

from Mel. And then you said racism is offensive but sexism is OK? That could've meant that there was racism somewhere here on the forum...

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Originally Posted by ChrisInNOVA
Try not to study each thing.

I don't feel the need to study it.

Unfortunately, I just have to live with it! Or not.


Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
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Originally Posted by markos
I personally would love it if the thread jack could go away so that CWMI does not miss what Mr. Wondering is saying.

Markos is right, we need to let them get back to business.

sorry, CWMI!


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
I don't think you understand what I am saying. A logical person may not have mature emotions, but the opposite extreme is what we see the most often, and that is ADULTS who use no reason and logic and rely on immature emotions for their decision making. Just imagine a hormonally challenged teenage girl who has no powers of reason. That typifies many adults in our culture today.

I fully understand what you're saying and I think you're saying it because you, like many people, do not know the true definition of "LOGIC." Please look it up - as I recommended earlier.








I'm going to really give you a headache now: Would it surprise you to know that in some cases it's LOGICAL to use your emotions?

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**edit**

Last edited by MBsurvivor; 03/26/10 02:08 PM. Reason: TOS - argumentative
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Chris, how about we let them get back to work?


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by CWMI
Originally Posted by ChrisInNOVA
Try not to study each thing.

I don't feel the need to study it.

Unfortunately, I just have to live with it! Or not.

nope...you're supposed to use MB principles to show your H a living example of how happy things could be with less (or no) IBing and more ENing.

That's all these situations really are CW...They are your H continuing to IB. IB is defined as acting without consideration for your spouse.


Quote
Independent Behavior = the conduct of one spouse that ignores the feelings and interest of the other spouse.


And that's what is happening with your H right now. Just as you tend to DJ him. We are not perfect.

Your Taker is rising up at each instance of your H doing IB.

Last edited by ChrisInNOVA; 03/26/10 02:10 PM.
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Originally Posted by ChrisInNOVA
Originally Posted by CWMI
How about if we debate the difference between "I wasn't thinking" and "I was thinking of nothing"?

Anyone see a difference???

((raising hand))

I do.


Thinking about nothing is generally harmless. Your mind is empty...you are zoning out and taking a break.

Not thinking (esp when it comes to your S/O) is not considering them. It's inconsiderate / what we call "thouhtless"/ being a jerk. IBing really.

Me raising hand too and saying the same thing as Chris smile

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Please get back on track and stop disrupting the thread!


mbsurvivor11@gmail.com
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Originally Posted by Nanowritersix
Originally Posted by holdingontoit
So maybe women do need a little bit more sarcasm to motivate them to see that their husband probably is telling the truth when he says he was thinking about "nothing".

A speaker who uses sarcasm as a motivator is doomed to failure. Sarcasm is an aggressive humor device that reveals much about the speaker and is more likely to alienate and offend someone than it is to "get them to drink".

These gender diatribes--I'm curious as to why it is so important to emphasize our differences rather than our similarities? How many people post for quite some time before it is clear what gender they are? How many posters laugh about these stereotypes being switched in their marriage--ie "I'm the man and he's the chick"?

We are all human, after all, and these false constructs keep us fighting each other rather than helping each other. Why insist it's significant that men think differently than women? Don't we all think differently from one another?

MB doesn't get all wrapped up around these "differences." Act a certain way towards your spouse and reap the result. Period. Dr. Harley's gender comments are minimal and qualified with "may". He seems comfortable acknowledging that his comments apply to human beings, not genders. Might be why it works so well!

I like the MB system becasue it's behavior based and also because of what you said here. For example, the EN Questionnairre helps us determine which ENs are pertinent to us - regardless of our gender or whether we exhibit so-called "male" or "female" ENs.


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I don't believe men are routinely thinking about nothing. Otherwise, all those Zen monks (mostly guys) wouldn't have to practice 24/7/52 for 20 years before they mastered thinking about nothing.

However, I do think both 'not thinking' (acting without forethought) and 'thinking of nothing special' (just floating along on the stream of inconsequentialities your brain happens to throw out) are possible. My guess would be that men mean 'thinking of nothing special' when they say 'thinking of nothing.'

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Originally Posted by Nanowritersix
...

Humor at another person's expense and then telling them they lack a sense of humor when they don't buy into it--dirty pool, old boy.

I didn't do that but...

either you're closing your eyes
To a situation you do now wish to acknowledge
Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated

Friends, lemme tell you what I mean

Trouble, oh we got trouble,
Right here at MB
With a capital "T"
That rhymes with "P"
And that stands for Pool,
That stands for pool.
We've surely got trouble!
Right here at MB,
Right here!
Gotta figger out a way
To keep the young ones moral after school!
Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...

Mass-staria!





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How does this help CW though?

I think she's conveying that her H acts without considering her. That's IBing.

Even so, I think that since they both have agreed to Marriage Ccoaching all is not lost. The coach can address the topic of IBing for Cw's H & DJ for CW when they talk in the future. we just need to help CW when she gets irritated by her Taker rising up in between the sessions smile

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