Scotty - something my own son went through a few years ago - age 13 so a little older than your boy

My son was getting bullied in school from the time he entered public school in first grade (we had him in private school for K) until summer between 7th and 8th grade. We thought he'd been doing better; we'd given him some experiences that he seemed to be doing well with peer group interactions.

Then I got a call from the principal that he was being suspended. Evidently he'd threatened a boy in his class - and we'd need him evaluated by a psychologist before we could bring him back to school.

After hearing the whole story, I calmly went with him to the psychologist - was interviewed with my son (they wanted to gauge the home environment too, so it served their purposes to have me there) and then alone, then my son was interviewed. They determined that my son could go back to school.

I don't know if his record still shows that suspension or not. It doesn't matter. He's an honors student who shows no sign of any kind of blemish or penalty. He's representing the state in a national business competition just before he graduates; he was honored in a ceremony tonight along with less than 200 other students as the top students in our entire state for academic and specific study achievements (that nomination came from his school four months ago so if there's any blemish, they surely didn't let it stop them from putting him on their top student list - he was only one of three from his high school of 500 seniors to participate); he has a two year scholarship waiting for him at the college of his choice; he's being vetted by several top businessmen who met him at a business conference earlier this year, and mentored on a business start up.

This young man has no problems that he can't beat. Including the chemistry assignment that has us both up this late doing (he's not willing to let that honors track record slide, although sleep sounds so wonderful right now.... - I'm staying up to support him in whatever he has to do).

So big picture - this could be a little blip on his life's radar - and it could be a turning point to not follow the crowd and choose better friends.

You're a good mom and can turn this into a positive! I know you can!

{{{{{Scotty}}}}}},

You're a GREAT mommy!!!!!!!



Your kiddo's are so very lucky to have you......

not2fun

KA- Thank you for sharing. I know that my DS9 will have this on his permanent record. That is how they do it here. I also know that it is something that he can overcome. I wanted to make sure that he understood the severity of his actions and that his lying was not acceptable. Will he lie to me again? YEPPERS. Will he feel bad about doing it? I hope so. I am trying to make this a moment that he will REMEMBER FOREVER so as to mold him into a FINE YOUNG MAN. I wanted to make sure that my reactions to this incident set the bar HIGH. I know he can come back from this, but I also know that this can be the beginning of a different life for him.

There was also a little bit of me that wanted someone else to learn from this. Who? A WS who would tell their BS spouse that their actions wouldn't affect the kids. Let them know that they don't live in a bubble and their actions DO affect others. I wish I could see the effect on my WH, but alas the marvelous Dark Plan B shield is protecting me. I am not sad about that because it protects me from so much more pain.

I am REALLY Glad that I decided to do my Opertaion:Olive Branch Part Deux at the beginning of next month, this Saturday would have been too difficult after this incident.

Like any good parent, you have to give them enough rope to hang themselves and then cut them down. He is a boy and they allways have trouble with the rules it seems until they get burned.

Many times I would be the parent to go to the schools to speak to the teachers about my kids. There were lessons learned about life and how to deal with what is fair and also how to deal with what is not.

When my daughter was in middle school and at the time that my wife was not relapsed she was the type to speak her mind and many children looked to her for advice. Our family was stable and she did not know how to keep her opinion to herself and sometimes would be drawn into disputes that she thought were childish,(and they were mostly).

One time a young girl who was known for getting into trouble shoved my daughter during an altercation with the other students that my daughter got drawn into. At that time there was a new policy of "No tolerance" being introduced into the school system and it required that a meeting be held and an official judgement be given that could bring legal consequences to the students.

I went to the hearing because my wife asked me to and although my daughter was shoved first it was decided by the "er..Judge?" that she caused the problem because she would not back down. My daughter broke into tears. She was drawn into the dispute and all she had done was express her opinion. when others came to her. She truly thought that she was helping the other girl and in the past that same girl was someone she had be-friended even though she had problems. My daughter relized that the girl had problems at home and was allways one to try to help.

Well the backstory was that this girl had been to juvinile hall and was going back if she was found guilty. Her mother was present and had the obviuos attitude that her daughter could do no wrong. You could see it that she did not want her daughter to suffer consequences. She was a single Mom also and because my daughter knew how unstable the girls homelife was we also knew that the Dad was a total crumb. I on the other hand knew my daughters propensity to get involved with people and voice her opinion felt it was time for her to see that she was a kid and her job was to learn, not save the world. So after it was established that my daughter was drawn in and was only sticking up for herself and that she did not get physical first, I had to listen to the decision as my daughter was let off with a warning.

Afterwards I explained to my daughter that it was obviuos the "judge" ,(not a real one), was afraid for this girl and having to be the one to send her to juvinle hall would have been hard for him. Also being in touch with the situation beyond even what she knew about the girl it was possible that this other girl whom was,"crazy", sometimes as my daughter put it the "judge" might have determined that the girl would be better off continueing to live at home and the family to keep attending the court ordered counseling. So my daughter took the hit for this girl because she opened her mouth instaed of letting the proper authoritys handle it. I supported her thoughts and her intentions but it was important to me that she learn that you cannot help those who do not want it and that you can get yourself in a lot of trouble trying to. The system is not allways fair and the truth is not allways represented. Those in authority are not allways qualified,(the other girls parents), and if you are going to extend help to others you might get bitten. You sometimes pay an unfair price for your convictions.

She is 25 now and still has her convictions and is a sound girl that others look to but she lets the authority handle people who are sick and knows that life is not allways fair as people people tend to spin stuff to thier benifet. It was a hard lesson for her to learn but I believe I helped her see how far to get into someones life when they don't want to listen anyways, or when they have problems that go beyond our ability to change.

Mom Senses = Spidey Senses x 100

A weak mom either wouldn't have picked up on it, or let it go so there would be no trouble. An Awesome Mom takes it head-on no matter what.

I'm having a bit of trouble myself, from being too Awesome. It sucks, but you get through it.

Thanx Neak. It sucked that DS9 got suspended for 2 days, but he apologized to his teacher for lying in a letter and in person, and then fessed up to the principal. The teacher thanked me for having him apologize.

Neak, when I saw what you wrote about yourself, it reminded me of a saying my grade 6 teacher had. He said, "I made a mistake once. I thought I was WRONG." I have always remembered that and I thought it was hilarious.

Here's to growing, learning and being a MOM.

Well, I can't always only tell you guys about the bad stuff. No expectations. No grabbing at straws. I am just putting it out there because it is part of my story. Today, I emailed IM's(they have email back so it is WONDERFUL) about the sitch with DS9


IMs respond with

I responded with


WH already called and talked to DS9 about it. DS9 already told him the punishment he received but I wanted to make it "official."

Not looking for anything in response. I will say I am surprised though. He actually did SOMETHING in a positive way.

Plans for Easter are my sister's house with Sis, Sis bf, Sis DDx2, DSx2, Dad, and Mom(maybe Bro). No guilt strings being pulled.

My sister told me today that my Mom said that she was worried about me and that I am not doing well. HUH? I am fine. I think it's because of the way I said, "Mom I have enough of my own crap to deal. I don't have the energy to deal with yours too." Was that a weakness on my part? Nope. Everyone is just so used to leaning on me. I needed to tell them, no leaning on me for a bit. That was for ME.

Wayturds still suck azz.

Scot- Sorry to hear about DS9's recent poor decision. FWIW I think you handled the whole thing admirably. You seem to have the ability to intuitively deal with tough situations the right way. Thanks for showing some of us what 'right' looks like.

Pep's in the Awesome Mom club fo sho.

And what a treat to read a textbookically ideal IM exchange! That was great!!

(You probably realize this already, but just in case...for run-of-the-mill naughties, I would recommend you impose your own consequences at your home, and WH imposes his own at the barf shack, with no need to coordinate. However, for a more serious item such as this, I think the cooperation was a good move.)

I agree with you Neak. I actually had thought that I wouldn't tell WH at all. This sitch was a lot MORE serious than the run of the mill dealings day to day. It also made me a little uncomfortable. I was wondering if this would give him a "family fix" where he felt like he was part of the decision making. Or maybe that he was checking to make sure that I handled it correctly and it fit.

I let it go though and focused on just doing what I thought was right. I also was SHOCKED that he used the IMs. Just a little WIN in my column for him following the "rules" this time.

I know you wouldn't bring it up to him, I just meant if WH asked after hearing something from DS.

Two of my childrenz are still in bed, woo-hoo!

The Dervish is the one who's up, boo-hoo.

I thought I was wrong once,but I was mistaken.. was how heard it. Yes it is hard to be humble isn't it?

I keep remembering that it is the parent who will stick by you through anything and still stand for the truth that makes you strong..

It is good you set the bar high scotty

I am proud of you, too, Scotty! You are an awesome mom!

"I keep remembering that it is the parent who will stick by you through anything and still stand for the truth that makes you strong.." I TOTALLY AGREE!

Thanx SSO and AM.

I had read that before, Pep. I am hoping that it will resonate with DS9. I think it is something the teacher will remember fo shore.

The moments when I know I am being a great mom is when the words, "I hate you MAMA. You are HORRIBLE." I say, "Thank you DS7. I love you." The best compliment a parent can get from a child is that they hate them HAHAHAHAHAHAHA