I know it's only been about a week since my w decided that I was more important than the om. She has been pretty nice to me and has done everything I have asked. One thing I am puzzled by is me. I want to have s with her every day. Can anyone explain this to me? Also has anyone else ever felt like this? Shouldn't I feel the other way and not want s until later into the recovery?
I have not seen the om and I don't really want to. I still have images about the a but the recovery may be a little easier because of it. I have read thru all the infidelity stuff and have gotten allot of good info from it. I feel pretty good right now but still have a feelings of distrust, some anger and anxiety.

Yes. My W and I experienced this and it is not uncommon at all. It is called "hysterical bonding." you can google it, or do a search on the MB boards as well.

Well this weekend we are getting away. Not that it's a reward but to just relax and possibly have some fun. We have talked allot about the affair and I now know all that I need to know. It didn't last that long any way. We are also continuing counseling.

Sounds like things are going well. Be prepared for lots of ups and downs though. Hope you have a wonderful weekend and can actually enjoy time together without so much affair crap.

Kingblue,

Hysterical bonding is a good thing. It allows the reconnection process to speed up. For you, it's a matter of reclaiming what's yours. For her, it's a way to recapture the feelings you had for each other and to give you confidence that has been shattered.

Things are still very raw, since you're less than two months out from D-day.

We went through the same thing. I'd had hip replacement surgery just two weeks before D-day, but we managed. It was more like I was 19 than 49, but HB helped hold things together until she finally went full NC (it was all virtual contact after D-day), got through WD, and then finally vomited it all up about six months later. SF kept us connected.

Now that the initial storm has passed and we're into a true R, my drive has settled back into that of a normal 50 year old. She's okay with that, BTW, because I think she was getting tired.

Bottom line, go with it. You also need to spend extra UA time with her during this period. 15 hours is recommended as normal, so 30 hours a week would be really beneficial, if you can manage it.

Hang in there.

I know the sex will be settling down in a while. She had excessive bleeding from her last p. This has been going on for some time now way before the a. Her doctor wants her to have a hysterectomy and remove the overies too. She has some very large fibroids. We saw a specialist and he is scheduling surgery. She still has panic attacks but they are getting less frequent. Not sure how things are going to go after that.
Our weekend was great. We got allot of alone time. Did allot of walking and talking. Retaced our 1st date. She told me she was sorry about the a and the she loved me and will never fool around again. The things that bothered her the most before she recommitted to our M was that I told her not to talk to me and I gave her my wedding ring. I was not going to wear it again unitl she met my conditions. Which she has. I still have trust issues but it's getting better. By the way I am 54 she is 52.

The bonding is great when we are together but when I have to work a 12 hour day and sit here wondering where and what she is doing drives me nuts. I hope this goes away soon. She has agreed to the no contact rule but I am still a bit paranoid. I feel like asking her every day if she keeping to our agreement.
One nice thing is I am being greeted at the door more often when I get home.

king,

What you're going through is normal. It takes time for this feeling of paranoia to pass. You know why?

It's not paranoia.

What you're worried about is a repeat, and that's a rational response to what happened. The only way she can re-earn your trust is to do the right things, day after day after day. It took over a year for those intense feelings to pass for me. But they did pass, thanks to her actions and attitudes. I still get them from time to time, but I can tell that part of my brain to shut up and it listens now because there's evidence that the past is not prologue.

This is a marathon, not a sprint. You can't skip any of the steps in the process, much as you'd like to. I thought I could (hence my screen name) but it ain't gonna happen.

Has she worked out EP's in regards to her interactions with the opposite sex, and has she shared them with you? Having them in writing is a big help.

What's a ep couldn't find it on the list. But if it has to do with emotions then yes we have talked. I know it's going to take time to heal. Sometimes I just want to get up and walk away from it all. But I am hanging in there. But here's a new twist if you have read my earlier post. My wife is soon going to have a hysterectomy and removal of the overies. Pushing her straight into menopause. I am not sure what to expect. I will be dealing with that to.

King,

EP is Extraordinary Precautions, as in what rules will she follow to affair-proof your M, making sure the conditions that made the A possible aren't repeated. As the old saying goes, doing the same thing and expecting different results is insanity.

As for her impending surgery, this is a good chance to continue the re-bonding process. She'll need help, especially the first week or so after the surgery, and here's where you step up to take care of her.

My wife had the same surgery in the middle of her A. (Of course I was clueless about this at the time.) I took care of her as much as I could, and I think this is what started her train rolling to Confession Station.

As for her going straight into menopause, she'll get a prescription for some sort of estrogen replacement. My wife started out with a patch that had to be replaced every week (and kept coming off -- sometimes inadvertently through exertion and sometimes would get stuck on clothing) but she hated it. She's gone to a daily pill, which is not a big deal.

The transition isn't as bad as you'd think. My wife actually looked forward to it, since the pain she'd been suffering was going to be a thing of the past. And as far as I'm concerned, the lack of hormonal mood swings is great, and there's, um, less to bump into during intimate moments.

It'll work out.

Well I hope it goes as well as your wife's did. Good luck to you and thank you. I guess I'll have go with the slow and steady pace.