Can someone point me to information about how to properly do an EXPOSURE?

For example, what are the steps, the expected reactions from a wayward spouse and also from the folks you EXPOSE to such as Friends, Family, Your Kids, Clergy, and Work.

If the OW / OM isn't a co-worker, does the BS still EXPOSE @ work?

After EXPOSURE @ work, does the WH / WW tpically lose their job?

After the EXPOSURE & a couple goes into Recovery, how are things with the folks you EXPOSED to?

I am looking for comprehensive info about EXPOSURE...

Thanks

Chris

Have you read this?

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2266646#Post2266646

I just want to suggest trying to keep to one thread so we can keep up

Nesre

Do not expose at work if they do not work for the same business.

Expose WW parents ad her siblings, OMW, PM parents, for the first round.

If needed expose your kids, and WW friends that will not support her affair.

Chris we all told you to just keep snooping for now. It seems as though so far your snooping has turned up the "pretty lady" and you already knew about Ms Arizona. Do not think about exposing either of them right now.

Even though Mr Chris definitely is getting his need for admiration filled by these two women and his actions are EXTREMELY innapropriate, maybe, just maybe (and i have still not decided one way or another by what you post anyway) he came to you and told you BEFORE he went any further.

I am worried that because of this you are heading for a slippery slope yourself. And you do not want that for yourself do you? I certainly don't want it for you. You have read on here the devastation that kind of betrayal can do to a person.

Just continue to snoop (but do not let that be the bane of your existence)and continue to work on yourself. And do you even realize how lucky you are that your H is on board with you, that he came to you, that in itself is a huge start no matter what.

Still- her H didn't come to her. She snooped and found those texts on her own.

I do agree with Still that you need to snoop further to get evidence. Did something change? Or were you just getting ready in case you find something? It would be good to let us know this up front so we don't panic.

Also, could you keep it all to one thread? That way we will remember where you are in your journey.

Chris, please! (I feel like the thread police!) ONE thread up on 101 and ONE thread here is more than adequate. People can not and WILL not follow your story if you start a new thread every time you have a new thought.

If you have a topic that is not quite having to do with your marriage, then by all means start it. But please ask the mods to combine your threads here on SAA. People just dropping by will think you have uncovered an active A and will give you advice that won't be on target because they don't know your entire story.

Scotland you are correct and i should have made myself more clear, what i should have said was that he came to her about their marriage, not about the texts.

I am scratching my head about why you would want comprehensive exposure info when you are noncomittal about a keylogger?

and I agree with the others, you really need to stick to one thread...

As others have hinted would happen, I haven't seen your other thread(s) and given the responses so far, it sounds like you may not have actual evidence of the affair yet. But I can still answer your questions.

Expose to anybody who has or may have influence over the WS and the OW. Anybody very close to them may require actual physical proof to believe it. Even without actual physical proof, exposure is recommended because it will at least cast some doubt.

Exposure should be done to everyone as quickly as you can. We call it "nuclear" exposure. Do not tell your WS you are going to do this. Do not even threaten that you may do this. Just do it. Do not tell one person, wait a while for it to get back to your WS and then tell others. Tell them all at once. Any opportunity you give your WS to tell his side of the story first will give him the chance to warn others about what a raving lunatic you are. Then, despite the truth being on your side, they won't take you as seriously.

Which brings me to the reactions - exposure will enrage your WS. This is actually a good sign - it means you have "damaged" the affair. Don't worry, your marriage can survive this anger a lot better than it can survive the affair. As for others, many will be surprisingly supportive and helpful. But be ready for some, at least his family, to either want to stay out of it or possibly even take his side. Never mind that - exposure still damages the affair and that's what is key here.

Now, there seems to be some doubt as to what you have in the way of evidence and I don't know exactly what that is so I'll add a cautionary statement here. If you merely suspect an affair, or even if you are pretty sure there's an EA happening but no real proof, then please be careful. Though an EA is just as harmful to a marriage as a PA, when you begin exposing it will be to people in the real world, not necessarily those who have populated MB and understand the nature of an EA. Your WH may have engaged in inapproriate behavior, but the general public may not see it as any worse than that. In fact, you running around telling people it's an affair when in their eyes it isn't could make them think you ARE the raving lunatic he's saying you are. It really weakens your case.

We actually had someone here who convinced us that his "W"W was having an online affair. It turned out to be one email, from an old boyfriend which was inappropriate in that sense but there was nothing in the actual email to suggest an actual EA - even by the standards of this board! It became very difficult to help him, even though we live by the creed that if the BS says it's adultery, then it IS adultery. It's not to say that he didn't have a serious problem, but in the absense of any real evidence that his W was having an affair it seemed a lot like he was picking on her. His pain was no less real, however.

If you have proof of an affair, expose. But ifyou are just suspicious, please take the time to gather evidence. If he really is cheating, the evidence IS there. You just have to look.

Still Crazy,

I appreciate your response but this thread isn't the place. This thread is not to discuss my issues or anyone's specific issues.

I am specifically asking for information about the process of ExPOSURE and links to threads which cover EXPOSURE.

I am not sure why so many people have jumped into this thread to talk about my situation. There is a separate thread for that. In my original post in this thread I am clearly asking for information regarding EXPOSURE and nothing else.

I want to have the information and it has nothing to do with my situation at this point. I am not "getting ready"...nothing has changed for the worse....I just want to learn MB and this is one of the things I was reading about in Limbo's thread last night - I just wanted to be directed to the info because I did not fully understand about the instructions he was being given last year...

OH PLEASE!

THIS THREAD IS NOT ABOUT MY MARRIAGE although several people started talking about it here.

Please reread the opening post. Is there ONE WORD about my marrriage in it? NO. I was asking for information about EXPOSURE..the process itself, what's involved, what's expected, specific how-to / procedural type stuff etc.

The reason I aksed to be directed to the info is because I was reading someone else's story (Limbo's) & became very curious about some of the instructions he received from some of the forum members last year.

You all don't know me, but information doesn;t have to applyto me for it to make me curious about it. Learning for learning's sake is very much part of the creature that is Chris.

Thatnks for the link. Do you have anymore?

After reading Limbo's story last night, I searched "Exposure" and the result was "Null" so I thought I would ask the vets here for some choice links. Some of the advice he received was so matter of fact - as if it was being pulled from somewhere. For example, where can I view a list of common reactions to Exposure, the typical WW "babble" & good comeback responses? (I found that particular part of Limbo's discussion to be very fascinating and that's when I tried a search...)

Also, this question is separate & apart from my situation. If I have specific questions about my personal situation, I'll use my thread.

Chris- I think you may have read the guidance I was given in my thread, which was very helpful to me.

I think there is a seperate thread somewhere on here title "Exposure" which goes into greater detail.

My take was to expose in a manner as to not seem like you were being vindictive or out of anger. Expose out of love and ask for help for yourself, or for that exposure target to help your WS to see the merit of staying in the marriage.

One of the best analagies I received was to approach it much like you would if you were asking for help for a loved one with a drug/alcohol problem.

If nothing else, I can definitely share what I did and how it worked for me, which you probably read on my thread anyway. Exposing was very difficult but I am very glad I did it and I'm happy with the way I did it. I'm not ashamed of it at all and it has helped me. It has also increased my support base.

Hi Limbo,

Thanks for responding.

The problem with the way I read about Exposure in your thread was - for me (a newbie) it wasn't very clear....it was bits and pieces of what to do here and there. I have read a little about it in other people's threads too, but yours was the first I had seen over such a long period of time and it also had info about WW "babble" plus just a few comebacks. I was curious and I wanted more.

I was getting frustrated with trying to understand the process piecemeal, so I asked. I was also thinking there may be an article or a newsletter...but I was hoping for a detailed description in a forum thread.

Perfect Pepper, thanks!

This is what happens when you start multiple threads.

It's not incumbent upon someone else to figure out where to post responses to your questions.

Stick to one thread, please!

Tabby, your comments about Exposure were helpful, thanks so much.