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Is any of this putting stress on your sobriety?
That is priority number one.
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Is any of this putting stress on your sobriety?
That is priority number one. Thanks for asking, Pepperband. I haven't thought of a drink in years. (Oh, except for when I go to A.A. meetings, and that's pretty normal for me). You know, the odd thing about all this is that I have come to value sobriety even more now that I did before this all tumbled down around me. And I didn't think that was possible!
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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OK, here's the latest. I've communicated with my attorney, who advises me that The Leopard is within her rights to lay claim to taking over payments for the Jeep. However, here is the "out" for me: The agreement does not specify that she can take over my payments. My attorney is drafting a response to The Leopard that will propose two solutions that fall within the legality of the agreement, and should they not be satisfactory, the Jeep comes back to me: - The Leopard can send me a certified check for the full balance due on the Jeep, which I will then use to pay off the loan and obtain title. I will then sign the title over to her.
- The Leopard can arrange for her own financing, effectively achieving the conditions above.
Given that The Leopard couldn't get credit in a House of Ill Repute at the moment, she will either have to dig into her (rapidly dwindling?) "inheritance" or return the Jeep. I'm waiting for my attorney's draft response to The Leopard now. I think her solution is entirely workable...
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Glad to hear that you are still taking care of yourself. I hope everything works out the best for you in regards to the Jeep. 
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Thank you, Scottie. Best wishes to you, too.
I don't care about the Jeep. Either I get it or she does. Makes no difference to me one way or the other (my car is a Mercedes; Jeeps are not my "thing"). I just don't want to be "married" to her through it for the next 18 months.
Know what I mean?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Well, if she has turned into a chain-smoker you won't want the thing back anyway. It will stink to high heaven....
BS - me 56
XWH - 57
12/25/06 - Dday - WH promised NC. Plan A in effect. Thought we were in recovery.
6-3-07 - Dday#2 Found out NC never took place and A never ended. Found MB NC promised again, but WH would not write NC letter.
9/07 - Dday #3. Still lying and sneaking around. Plan B implemented
WH wants nothing to do with me
Divorced as of 12/09 after 36 years
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.. She seems busy creating her next "mud pie to the sky," as I would like to call it.
Probably meant "in" the sky Fred. She is trying to build her own little world where she "Has it made", "fooled them all", kind of like a paranoid outlook of "Dr. Evil". She is dishonest and manipulative and thinks she has the right to be because the world just doesn't "understand" her and its "hurt" her so bad. She now lives as a bottomfeeder in the Mud. Where her mind and character spin more plots and use the dirty tricks of manipulation to get what she wants and can't/won't see she is just destroying herself. She has become what twisted her and she worships it. You are lucky to get away with your life Fred because she probably would not hesitate to use you till she used you up.
Its great that you have seen this and are getting away from her. She is headed down a road to disaster. Someday if she ever comes to the realization that she has problems she might even expect you to forgive her. Hence putting you in the position of God. Isn't it great that God does not manipulate or lie to us? He gives us the right to get away from those who do. Only God can be in Plan A forever and the people who attempt to use his children to create thier own "Mudpie in the sky" outside what he has allready given us make thier own bed in Hell.
....Her ninth hour retraction on the Jeep is "reflective" of the "black hole of mirrors" again more of her selfabsorbed values reflecting back on what she really values, herself and what she can get away with, shes twisted I referenced in my past email. She knew she would pull this sh*t when she drove off with that car, but waited until recently to reveal her hand. Thing is Fred, people like ***** and my ex, they have existed all their lives in the low and murky waters.... they are constitutionally incapable of being honest. Or maybe if they are not controlling other people thru fear and manipulation, they don't believe they are safe because that is what they really respect.. Still same result..dishonest
Its impossible that her bogus move didn't provoke some type of anger in you, and she banks on the fact that in your anger, you will somehow falter and give her just cause. The simple act of you initiating a legal battle over the car, is her method of controlling the situation, so she thinks. She has been in more debt and legal problems in the past, I would assume, so this is just her taking laps in her mud pool, as she molds her mud pie to the sky..
Shes a bottom feeder and sees it all thru the muddied outlook of a bitter and vengeful person gearing herself up to "Get her share" as she builds her Mud,"Pie in the Sky" When all this is over Fred I want to ask you to look at her as a child. You are better than the BS she is pulling. The sooner you can get this over with and move on the better for your piece of mind which is greatly deserved. IMHO
Me 56 Former BS Widowed 5-17-09 --married 25 years. 4 children DS-35 previous marriage--18-22 DGrandSons 6 and 4 Me former BS DD-29 with DGDs 5 and 1yr DSs 26 and 23 Teilhard de Chardin..“We are not human beings having a spiritual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience.” ...Sounds about right to me.
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SSO, you are so right. In fact, an article I read on Borderline Personality Disorder pretty much chucked the psychobabble to the wayside and simply said, "These are people who are emotionally retarded." (My words, not the article's). Essentially, they were emotionally injured in their youth and as a result, their emotional growth was stunted and they go through life with the emotional maturity of a pre-teen girl. Just a final update for the day. (I'm going to give an uncharacteristic "hooray for lawyers" gesture here) My attorney told me that the last-minute change of heart was within the bounds of the legal agreement, but that the agreement was "silent" (gotta love that legalese) on how she could pay for it (she's indicated she just wants to take over my payments). My lawyer is drafting a reply to be delivered tomorrow that offers two possibilities: - She sends me a cashier's check for the full loan balance, which I will use to pay off the debt, obtain the title, which I will then sign over to her, or
- She can arrange her own financing (which then essentially goes back to the first point)
Since I previously mentioned she couldn't get credit in a wh*rehouse, that leaves her to either dig deep into her "inheritance," get OM to pony up the cash, or return the Jeep. This also is within the legal bounds of the agreement, which means I don't have legal jeopardy if she somehow wants to really fight about this and hires a lawyer (God, I'd love for her to waste her limited resources on something like that!). ChaiLover, I'm content to let the Jeep sit in my garage with all the windows open and airwick blowing it through for weeks if I have to. In truth, I don't want the Jeep. I just don't want to be "married" to her through it. This is the last tangible piece of our relationship existing. Once done with it, the divorce will just be a piece of paper that means I can move on -- legally, mentally, morally, ethically and with finality.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Fred,
Congratulations on your finally coming to this point. I think you are doing the right thing and move on is the best you should do. I wish you all the luck in the world in the future. And thanks for your support to me, which I just want to tell you that I have started the divorce already.
Best wishes,
Kristy
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Fred,
Congratulations on your finally coming to this point. I think you are doing the right thing and move on is the best you should do. I wish you all the luck in the world in the future. And thanks for your support to me, which I just want to tell you that I have started the divorce already.
Best wishes,
Kristy Hi Kristy, It's nice seeing you post again and to see how far you have come, too! Although this is not a happy time for either of us, we can stand as proof that one need not recover a marriage in order to recover. And that it IS possible to go on with life. Someone recently re-posted (bumped) a thread entitled "Lighthouse." It was geared to those who were working on saving their marriages, and how they should be "lighthouses" shining to show their wayward spouses a path out of the fog. I think people like us can be "lighthouses" for those whose marriages are beyond recovery (or shouldn't be recovered in the first place). There are some very strong people here, like LadyLongLegs, who refused to let the loss of their spouses' sanity drag them down into the muck of depression and hopelessness. Today I lost my job. But rather than wallow in self-pity, the first thing I did was send out a few emails and start the network going to land a new one. I went for a run, mowed the lawn, and went to a meeting. It was a beautiful Spring day, and I fully enjoyed it. MB has the same power of hope that Alcoholics Anonymous offers the suffering alcoholic. Our lives may not become that which we wanted it to, but with hope and God's help, it becomes what it is supposed to be. And often that is far better than what we had planned for ourselves anyway. Today also, I was invited by neighbors to join them this Sunday at their church for Easter services. My first reaction, because I belong to no church, was to decline. But then I changed my mind, and I wrote an email to accept. In that email I said, "I am feeling the need for some uplifting. And if one can't get uplifted in church on Easter Sunday, it's time to check one's pulse." God puts new opportunities in front of us all the time. Too often we are so consumed with our own problems and egos that we fail to see them. I'm glad you're here. And that you have retained your sanity.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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I think people like us can be "lighthouses" for those whose marriages are beyond recovery (or shouldn't be recovered in the first place). There are some very strong people here, like LadyLongLegs, who refused to let the loss of their spouses' sanity drag them down into the muck of depression and hopelessness. I agree! There are some marriages that should not be saved.....Mine was one too. Today I lost my job. But rather than wallow in self-pity, the first thing I did was send out a few emails and start the network going to land a new one. I went for a run, mowed the lawn, and went to a meeting. It was a beautiful Spring day, and I fully enjoyed it. Bummer! So sorry Fred. Love your spirit though.
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Bummer! So sorry Fred. Love your spirit though. Thanks, SW. I'm really quite OK with it. I've been having those "I've been at this job too long" feelings more and more recently, so this is just God's way of giving me the push I needed. And I really believe this is a good thing. I have enough saved to get me through several months if I don't find work, but I actually believe the "right" job is going to be put in front of me shortly. I was talking with someone this evening and told them, "The last job I took I did so because I wanted to provide for my family: a roof over our heads, food in the kitchen, health care and comfort. Now that I don't have *others* to think of, I can pursue my own wants and needs. And if it means travel, I can come and go without concern. And I can even relocate, if it comes down to that (provided I can sell my house)." There has been so much change in my life over the past year and a half that I can't believe there isn't some Higher Power doing things for me that I can't do for myself. It's just my job to find out what that Will for me is, and to carry it out.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Fred, You have done such a great job in spite of what has been laid on you this last year...... You are relaxed right now because you have properly planned...... wish I could say the same...... my stress level if I lost my job would be just a little higher than yours apparently is !!!!!!! I know I could pull thru but I'd have major adjustments..... Hope you land the dream job of a life time....... 
Me BS 54
XWW 51 Divorce final 1/9/12
DS26 DS24 Twin DD's22 Married 29years
D-dates No1 01/2007, No2 08/2008(ongoing)
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Fred,
Thanks for the message. Somehow in this forum I do not want to post messages about divorce. Really when I first discovered my WH's affair the first thought in my mind was divorce. I came to this forum to see if there is any hope to save the marriage. The plan A and B are very well said and perhaps will work, but then for me I just can not be nice when I think what WH has done and continue doing to me. somehow I just feel I derserve better than this. I think for most people the choice is obvious when there is no children involved, children make it hard. I still am not sure I made a right decision for my son, maybe I will blame myself for have not done enough for him. But hi, I gave my WH many chances to come back, he refused to do it, and I think I can live with the knowledge that I have done what I should have done and move on.
I am sorry that you lost your job. The economy is so bad, I hope you find a new job soon. At least we stll have our health and children who love us! My son is potty trained in the last month and growing up so quickly, and WH missed all these fun!
Best, happy Easter!
Kristy
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So is the jeep back in your possession?
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Somehow in this forum I do not want to post messages about divorce. That's why there's the Divorced/Divorcing forum! See you there?
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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So is the jeep back in your possession? Nope. My attorney and I agreed to extend the deadline to April 5. She has to raise the cash by then in order to keep it. This should be interesting (I wonder if she'll go to OM and ask for help, or wait until later in their relationship to douse him for that much?). Of course, I will post updates as I learn them. Thank you for asking.
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Fred, sorry about your losing your job.
And I hope you do go to church. Even if you don't believe in G-d or belong to any faith, it will be a happy experience.
Belle, Domestic Goddess
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Thanks, Bellevue.
I believe in God. I just don't believe in churches.
I think I'm kind of like Thomas Jefferson, who is described as being a "Deist."
Preach the Gospel every day. When necessary, use words.
St. Francis of Assissi
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Fred, sorry you lost your job.
You're in VA yes? Hope you are near the northern part...I have seen many job vacancies there.
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