Definitely get moving.

Also if you're a reader get a book by your favorite author (without adultery in the plot - harder to do than you might think unfortunately).

Take a deep hot bubblebath with candles and your favorite music.

Clean out a closet or the fridge.

Sorry it's a rough one.

Thanks for all the advice. It helps to know the people care. It's just been a rough day. My morning sickness is really bad today (I'm 8 weeks pregnant) and I have been asking myself the tough questions all day long. I found another bad email but it's still not proof and could be explained away (and would if I were to confront now). Just having a tough time today and broke into tears several times today. Tomorrow will be better.

I must say that the above wasn't true for me. I got LOTS of proof and it did help me. First it gave me clarity. Never again would my Wxh be able to gaslight me. Never again would I think maybe I should stick it out. And second, my proof did help me in court. It is what got me total custody of our child and the visitation schedule *I* wanted.

Not all waywards confess.

Anne, I just read through your thread and want to say (((Anne)))

I gathered evidence for 2 weeks (with a keylogger). Then, because I wanted to keep my keylogger source I hired a PI and we busted him out that way. (at least he thot that was how I found out). I filed for divorce, got him to sign a separation agreement, and he moved out of the house. Then I continued to gather evidence from the keylogger for another 6 weeks. It was AGONIZING. However, at the end of that 6 weeks I had proof that he had also had an affair with my young cousin 7 years earlier. When I read that info I nearly fell to my knees and shouted 'Thank you GOD for this gift of clarity!'

My point of telling you all that is that I DO understand what you are going through. It is tough to put on a ignorant face and keep gathering. And I know what you mean about having your chid aroudn who might tell your WH that you wee on his computer that day. I had to keep all of that from my son who was 9 at the time.

Just hang in there. Use your pregnancy as a smoke screen if you can't stand to look at him.....tell him you just feel so bad you need to go to bed or whatever.

Er, um, hey Anne - that method might have worked for SmilingWoman, but I'd suggest you stick to just logging keystrokes, not peeing on his computer. That could damage it.

Sorry, SW - couldn't resist!

Thanks SmilingWoman. I'm sorry for what happened to you and how you got here. I agree about getting 100% proof when you can. The wait is difficult but if I confront too early, not only will he lie his way out of it but I will lose my access to his email which has been my most valuable source. As difficult as it is, waiting and trying to get the evidence I need is the best thing I can do.

Dirtbag friend continues to email me about stuff and how the four of us (he and his wife and me and WH) should get together. Now, we NEVER go out. I also happen to know that Dirtbag is emailing with OW (Butter) about he, WH and Butter going out again soon. He is really playing some sick games and I resent being part of them. I hate that I have to play along. It sickens me that he is getting a kick out of all of this. The worst part is that WH is playing a role in any of it.

After reading what I just wrote, it's hitting me how twisted this is. I really do need to get to the bottom of it and get myself out of this sick situation one way or another.

So WHATCHA GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

Everything I'm doing already...keep listening to the VAR, checking emails and try to get the keylogger on there (computer is VERY hard to get at these days). Just not a lot of info lately - maybe because he had a busy work week.

Why is it hard to get to? Is he guarding it, or leaving it at the office? Are you still checking his car? He's eventually going to have to bring that laptop home.

If the computer is harder to get to than usual, IT IS THE BEST PLACE TO GET INTEL.

I know it is hard to wait. It is hard to Plan A when you are in limbo like that. What Plan A things are you going to do today? What colour are your toes?

Hilarious! LOL

Question for those of you who had success with VAR's. Did you save incriminating conversations on a CD or just take notes once you listened to them?

I would buy extra tapes and save the originals.

Larry

It's digital so I have to download to CD.

Another question...when you confront, do you reveal the source of your information?

NOPE. You try to keep your sources for as long as you can so you can continue to use them. Let us know what you found and we can advise you on the best way to confront WH.

Okay, that is what I thought. I don't have anything new but I think that will change soon. I was able to check his phone and it's been almost a week since he's talked with Dirtbag friend so he's due for a conversation (his last conversation with him was the day BEFORE I put the VAR in the car...RATS!). He usually talks on the way to or from work. He doesn't keep voicemails or texts on his phone unless they are business related but I'll keep checking that when I can. Keep your fingers crossed that I get something good this week. I'll let you know just as soon as I do!

I've been using VAR for a couple months. I still haven't really gotten anything 'good', but you never know. If I did, I would download to my computer/CD. I probably need to get a couple more to put in other rooms. There are times I can hear her talking in her 'isolation chamber', but I think my battery dies before because I haven't picked up those conversations yet.

I had a problem with the mic picking up the TV more than WH and he was sitting right beside it. I didn't need to hear the Lord of the Rings trilogy on VAR, we own it. HAHAHAHA.

I think most of his conversations take place in the car and in his office. There is nothing I can do to get the conversations in his office. The next time I go out, I will leave a VAR in the house near where he might use the phone and see what happens. He doesn't talk on the phone in the house when I am home (I know, I know...red flag).

WH has an extremely busy week at work (I verified this by looking through emails). When he's busy, it tends to be quiet. From what I can piece together, he saw OW mid-July, early November and mid-March. Based on that, it might take longer than I thought to get some proof. I'm willing to wait. It sucks but I can do it. Confronting too early would be a big mistake.

Yes, confronting too early without SOLID proof would be a bad thing. On the other hand, you won't be able to pull off a SOLID Plan A forever. DrH usually recommends that women only do Plan A for 3-4 weeks. Some can do it longer but not indefinitely. From someone who did Plan A, let me tell you, "I BELIEVE HIM." Letting only your GIVER come out is really hard when your ENs are not being met.

I know you may have to sit around and wait to find something on the VAR, is there any other way for you to snoop? Brainstorm.