Getting divorced really hurts !

Nal,
Sorry you're here.
Take some time and read through threads. This site is similar to some you may be familiar with but it is much different than most.
There are many boards and your situation may fit better in one than another, either way you find a tremendous amount of support and encouragement if that's what you seek.

So, what happened, Nal? Where are you in the divorce process? Are you familiar at all with MB? Have you read any of Dr Harley's books? How old are the kids? Did your spouse (or you) cheat? Have you read "Notable Posts" for acronyms? Is there a chance of saving your M?

~opt

2 boys 12 and 9 and a girl 5.

I guess to make this as simple as I can I am going to say that I never showed here 100% that I was committed to her and our marriage and over the years that has taken a toll on her and ultimately brought us to the end. the process has just started after talking and being seperated for the last 5 months she she can not get past the wrongs that I have done I read thru a few post already and I am not familiar with MB.

Sorry you are here NAL.


Start at the beginning and read all the way through.

Good luck.

Thank you but there is no more luck needed she has already made up her mind I am just waiting for her to finalize things. I am putting all the blame and guilt on my own shoulders. I wish I could fix things.

Are you certain that she isn't having an affair? It is somewhat unusual for a woman with 3 kids to just divorce.

yes i am sure there was no affair. however there is one of her old friends thats has been sniffing around real hard since our seperation and i beleive he is the cause for us not being able to get back together and fix things.

Just realize that women with children usually have someone lined up before they leave their husbands.

Is he kind of a bum?

yeah he is

Your divorce isn't final,so why not keep fighting for your marriage if that's what you really want. A lot of couples who have begun the divorce process have a hard time putting on the breaks b/c of anger and resentment, etc. Sounds like you may want your marriage back, so go get it.

i want it back more than anything in this world but i dont know what to do i have hurt her so bad. she says she stills cares and loves me but she .... i dont know i dont know anything thing any more i am so messed up in the head now sucide has even crossed my mine. i want to let her be and hope in time she will come back to me but i cant seem to do that i am so scared so hurt from my own guilt Aaaaaaaa ! ! ! i am so consumed by anger because i cant control anyhting i have no answers. she has blocked me out of things i am just rambling i will shut up now

i want it back more than anything in this world but i dont know what to do i have hurt her so bad. she says she stills cares and loves me but she .... i dont know i dont know anything thing any more i am so messed up in the head now sucide has even crossed my mine. i want to let her be and hope in time she will come back to me but i cant seem to do that i am so scared so hurt from my own guilt Aaaaaaaa ! ! ! i am so consumed by anger because i cant control anyhting i have no answers. she has blocked me out of things i am just rambling i will shut up now

I feel absolutely horrible. I have destroyed my spouse. I have lost my entire family. I know that I don't deserve another chance but I am willing to do anything for that chance. I have been reading this site to see what I should do next.

How can I help my spouse deal with it too? Is there anything I can do?

NAL, you are being a but mysterious and unclear here. You cannot expect people to know what advice to give if you keep tight-lipped abut what the problems are.

Can you give details of your lack of commitment to her and your marriage? Can you describe the wrongs you have done? Have you ever had an affair?

Give us a picture of your marriage over the years.

i have had internet affairs nothing physical but it wen on for some time years in fact. she about some. i blamed her at 1 point because we i cam home from the army she did not want to sleep with me i had to find something i guess then it just got out of and i just kept going on with that and on line porn. she disconnected herself with me in many ways so i started drinking and going out and staying out all nite until i let that get out of hand to. then there is the problem with my inlaws dont even know where to begin with that issue. this is my first time doing something like this and and i am not really sure how to talk about these things. i have read alot on here and people talk so freely and just dont know how to do that
i think she has controled alot of my life since the time we had our 1st son when i moved in with her n her mom before i went to the army but i let her because i loved her that much

Thank you for the information, NAL.

I think that if you want advice on strategies to save this marriage, you should ask for this thread to be moved to the forum "Surviving an Affair". Click the "notify" button and ask a moderator to do this.

i still beleive there is more than just my internet dealings

I think a lazy person will choose a spouse who has more energy and drive. A lazy person will choose a spouse who will take charge.

... then complain they are being "controlled".

Amen to that.