I have mentioned that, hey WAIT, I think that was ME.


I read about your Plan B with your son. I know it just gets harder. That's why I am trying to do the best I can now to set the foundation. Just like the foundation of M, I want these bricks to be STRONG. That's the only way to get through in the end.

The mistakes that children make when they are young are a chance for them to learn what not to do when they get older and how to correct their wrongs. I am not always the best example, but I do my best.

(((((PEPPERBAND)))))

I wish I could climb through the computer and give him a V-8 Moment for you. It has got to be hard to just watch them fall and not be able to do anything about it. It must HURT something AWFUL. Hang tough. I am sure somewhere deep down, he knows you are doing what is best for him.

{{{{{Pepita the Awesome}}}}}

T/j.......
Pep

Us youngin's will remember what a shining example you were when our "babies" become older......thank you for sharing.....

t/j over.....

Not2fun

((((((Scotty)))))))

You did MARVELOUS......swimming in FABULOUSITY!!!!!!!....

I was GLAD to see the IM situation work out like it was supposed to.....

Enjoy the holiday!!!!

Not2fun

Hey Not. I have said it before and I will say it again, "t/j away" It is all about life not just MB. Sometimes I find the things I learn to do to deal with my children are also applicable to a healthy happy M. Boggles the mind.

I thank goodness that you're not being a "caring" parent, pep.

[ tj ]

My father, at 41, is still coddled and given what he wants by my grandmother; despite his continuing abusive behavior.

He has no incentive to change and no matter how often I explain until I am blue in the face, she will not see that. I wish she was more like YOU!

Oh well. When I'm in Denver, maybe then she'll learn.

[ /tj ]

Not to take away from the parent talk, but I just wanted to post something to my thread that Reading wrote on the art of war thread, as an answer to a question about how the art of war applies in Plan B. I thought it was GREAT.

Sun Tzu would be so proud that his Art of War rules are being used even in marriage.

It's GENIUS. It can be used in a lot of different ways. That's what makes it GENIUS.

Well! Glad you mentioned it....went back to the other thread to fix my typing/spelling errors

lol

I like the unabridged version TEEHHEEE

Ever read this Pep?

I had the meanest mother in the whole world. While other kids ate
candy for breakfast, I had to have cereal, eggs or toast. When others
had cokes and candy for lunch, I had to eat a sandwich. As you can
guess, my supper was different than the other kids' also.
But at least, I wasn't alone in my sufferings. My sister and two
brothers had the same mean mother as I did.
My mother insisted upon knowing where we were at all times. You'd
think we were on a chain gang. She had to know who our friends were and
where we were going. She insisted if we said we'd be gone an hour, that
we be gone one hour or less--not one hour and one minute. I am nearly
ashamed to admit it, but she actually struck us. Not once, but each
time we had a mind of our own and did as we pleased. That poor belt was
used more on our seats than it was to hold up Daddy's pants. Can you
imagine someone actualy hitting a child just because he disobeyed? Now
you can begin to see how mean she really was.
We had to wear clean clothes and take a bath. The other kids always
wore their clothes for days. We reached the height of insults because
she made our clothes herself, just to save money. Why, oh why, did we
have to have a mother who made us feel different from our friends?
The worst is yet to come. We had to be in bed by nine each night
and up at eight the next morning. We couldn't sleep till noon like our
friends. So while they slept-my mother actually had the nerve to break
the child-labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make
beds, learn to cook and all sorts of cruel things. I believe she laid
awake at night thinking up mean things to do to us.
She always insisted upon us telling the truth, the whole truth and
nothing but the truth, even if it killed us- and it nearly did.
By the time we were teen-agers, she was much wiser, and our life
became even more unbearable. None of this tooting the horn of a car for
us to come running. She embarrassed us to no end by making our dates
and friends come to the door to get us. If I spent the night with a
girlfriend, can you imagine she checked on me to see if I were really
there. I never had the chance to elope to Mexico. That is if I'd had a
boyfriend to elope with. I forgot to mention, while my friends were
dating at the mature age of 12 and 13, my old fashioned mother refused
to let me date until the age of 15 and 16. Fifteen, that is, if you
dated only to go to a school function. And that was maybe twice a year.

Through the years, things didn't improve a bit. We could not lie
in bed, "sick" like our friends did, and miss school. If our friends
had a toe ache, a hang nail or serious ailment, they could stay home
from school. Our marks in school had to be up to par. Our friends'
report cards had beautiful colors on them, black for passing, red for
failing. My mother being as different as she was, would settle for
nothing less than ugly black marks.
As the years rolled by, first one and then the other of us was put
to shame. We were graduated from high school. With our mother behind
us, talking, hitting and demanding respect, none of us was allowed the
pleasure of being a drop-out.
My mother was a complete failure as a mother. Out of four
children, a couple of us attained some higher education. None of us
have ever been arrested, divorced or beaten his mate. Each of my
brothers served his time in the service of this country. And whom do we
have to blame for the terrible way we turned out? You're right, our
mean mother. Look at the things we missed. We never got to march in a
protest parade, nor to take part in a riot, burn draft cards, and a
million and one other things that our friends did.
She forced us to grow up into God-fearing, educated, honest adults.
Using this as a background, I am trying to raise my three
children. I stand a little taller and I am filled with pride when my
children call me mean.
Because, you see, I thank God, He gave me the meanest mother in
the whole world.

written by Bobbie Pingaro (1967)


I read somewhere that your chilren can forgive you of anything exept witholding discipline.

Once your kids become adults they think they can look at you and defy you because they at that point have seen our mistakes. Its tough because what we want for them is to avoid the damage that the world can deal out to them instead of learning the hard way, as maybe we did.

My wife had a hard life as a child, Our children did not. My wife, before she started having seriuos emotional issues again was so very proud that she was not like her Mom and that she worked so hard to provide our kids a life that she did not have. She got all of her idenity and self-worth from that. When the children came to her and questioned authority or her she was hurt very much. I explained to her this..

"Wife, we have given the children a better life than we had, be confident in that. Do you really want them to understand how lucky they are by experiancing what you went thru? What you are seeing in them is not dis-respect for you but the result of having children who do not live in terror. I assure you God will not leave thier side and they have the right to test and see if he is real, he asks them to. Its part of the process of growing up and finding out that we are accountable for our thoughts which drive our actions."

My wife and daughter loved that poem that I quoted along with that one out there called "So you want to date my daughter?",(its on the net somewhere.)


I am not telling you anything that you don't allready know Pep. Just reassurance from someone who respects you a great deal through reading your posts. Your son will have to come to the end of himself, IYKWIM, and God will not abandon him. You just stay you cuz yer awesome.

I have to share my story of having to face my victim. I was probably about 5 or 6. We were in a local department store, and I wanted a package of gum in the checkout line. My dad said "no." He wasn't looking at me while he was paying for his purchases, so I decided that I wanted the gum anyway and took it. In the car, I put a piece in my mouth and, of course, Daddy wanted to know where I got it. When I told him the truth (because it never occurred to me to lie to him), he parked the car and marched me back in to the store. I had to go up to the cashier and tell her what I had done. Daddy then paid for the gum and we left. He also took the gum and threw it away so I could not have it. That was awful for me and I have never forgotten it, even though I was really little.

My father was a staff sargent (and a drill sargent) in the Marine Corps and my mother was a private first class. That's where they met. I grew up with very strict rules, had to do chores and I remember the very few punishments I had (I was spanked about 5 times in my life). Despite having what many would consider "mean" parents, I never saw them as anything but caring and loving parents. I always knew that I had rules because they loved me. I could talk to them about anything (and I do mean anything). My friends, some of whom had much more lenient parents than I did, wished their parents were like mine. The worst thing that could have happened to me would have been to disappoint my parents. I am trying very hard to give my DDs the SAME upbringing I had. So far, so good - despite my WH.

Do my kids have more than I had growing up? Yes and no. They have a much bigger house and do way more than I did as a kid. But they also have chores, are expected to get good grades, and are to respectful and kind to everyone they meet. Unfortunately, they got stuck with a walk-a-way father. That's the one place where they are lacking and I was rich. Mine died when I was almost 12, but I never doubted for a second how much he loved me. Mine will be forced to grow up and always wonder. Even if WH fixes it, I think my DDs will always have doubt in their minds and I feel helpless to fix it.

My family called me the drill sargent lol. The differance between me and my Dad was that I allways listened to them and taught them why there were rules as well as enforced them.

Growing up with my Dad was hard as a little kid and untill I was 17 I really thought I was worthless POS. He was a hard worker and taught me that and of course when he never talked to me or wanted to it made me insecure as heck. Something that I missed in my relationship with him but I eventually felt sorry for his loss as I realized his paranoia and self-image issues were his choice. Thank God I had my Mom or I would have went down some bad roads I am sure.

Still all my life his approval was an important goal I sought and desired. I even thought that if I could only make him happy I could get him and Mom back together, that somehow I could show him.(That was when they first divorced and I was 18). My dad knew nothing about forgiveness or ppls,childrens, capacity because he didn't want to learn, he just wanted his own way and walked on others to get there. He never had any close friends and trusted nobody and now is in the late stages of altziemers and now its too late to do anything but hold his hand in the nursing home.

My Mom allways had friends and worked till retirement and is 82 and still goes out dancing and is sharp as a tack. She did not have a picnic as a child as she brought up her siblings when her mom died when she was 16. My Dad was a hard worker but in his case I don't think he ever liked to serve others, more like he was jealous of everyone and bitter.

So what was the differance? I know my Mom was social and belived in God and my Dad thought it was for pansys. I will never know why Dad was the way he was, I honor him for what he had that was good about him and feel still that I wish I could have helped him but the discipline that I get from life and the image of God is what I depend upon and have for a long time now. I pray your children will not internalize the rejection from a father who has let his cheese slip off his cracker.

Well, I am home from my sister's and Easter Part 1. Part 2 will be on Monday. Some interesting developments on the Mom and Dad front. I will have to tell you all about that tomorrow night though. I did want to post something about my kiddos.

DS9 is grounded so he kept complaining that he wasn't having fun. No TV, no DS and no computer at my sister's he had nothing to do. He started playing with my niece's Hannah Montana doll. He was playing with my DN7, when he said, "I can't, that's cheating and I am married." My sister heard that and so did my Mom. My BIL left my sister for his AP and moved to Vancouver for 6 months but now he is back and in a new relationship and my sister and BIL are divorced.

I just wanted to write that down while I still remembered it. Lesson learned.

Lol Sorry Scottie, I guess he was desparete to do anything but just sit there and think how dumb he was for getting grounded. I just pictured it in my head and it made me think of when I was little and got in trouble.


As far as his comment heard by all, "out of the mouths of babes" huh?

I woke up this morning and I was thinking about how I was going to help some newbies(Tink, anne, annabelle, chris, darkamy) today. I was thinking about their sitch and how I had been there and what had gotten me to where I am today. That made me ask the question, "Where would I be,TODAY, without MB?" The answer to that question is, "full of doubts, ANGRY and lost." That made me think about how we are told to be the lighthouse for our spouse. I think of it more like MB is the lighthouse and we are the lighthouse keeper. We make sure that our WS can see the light through the storm. When I was lost, I found MB and I often say that it is like a GIANT light shone on me. That is exactly what I feel like. I think I may start a new thread and pose the question to the forum, "Where would you be if you hadn't found MB?"

Thanx for reading the ramblings of a crazy lady. HEHEHEHEHE

Hey Scotland - you are NOT crazy! And even if you are, better crazy than wayward!

Thank you for thinking of me... I think that's why I came to MB, cause I needed guidance that I couldn't get anywhere else... I needed a lighthouse to lead me to the shore in these dark times...
I read others situations and I want to cry because they sound so similar to mine... A's aren't really that different anywhere, are they? :-/
I just wanted to say I have appreciated all you have done for me thus far...

...talk about rambling.... ;-)

rambling??? Who rambles... That drives me crazy...


LOL If you read my stuff you know I am the king of it.

My first MIL was an awesome lady, When I asked her about how much I talked she said, "You remind me of a guy I knew that when you asked him what time is was, would start by telling you who invented the clock." I was 18. Whenever I get stressed I still talk alot. I am still learning that "less is more" and how that "A word in season" is sometimes better.

Communicating our thoughts to others can help us to validate or dismiss the ones that trouble us. Some thoughts are lies we have perpetuated upon us or we build up in our heads that need to be kicked out of our mindset. So if we bring them out into the open they get exposed for what is real in them and what is not. To many of us are afraid to communicate because they think they are not worthy to be heard. There is a time and place for the healing communication with those who have a heart for others..


For me right now its MB, counsellors and time remembering the good things that God has given me that help me heal. Our relationships with others are the most valuable posessions we have and we all need support.