Scotland - as always, you make some good points. The timeframe of Plan A is something I never thought of. I do need SOLID proof and I need to find a way to get it. I have no choice but to wait for something to happen with the VAR and emails but I do need to find another way to get some info so I can move forward.

Well, now you know why I was being so pushy. It was for you.

So how has your Plan A carrot part been going? Did you eliminate your LB? How are you going to meet your WH's top 3 ENs TODAY?

Not pushy, just helpful and I appreciate it.

Honestly, the carrot part is not going so well. I am having a hard time just acting normal and trying to be a good mom to my kids. I feel like I've been using all my energy on trying to find out what's going on and on simply keeping it together for my kids. I had several bad days last week but I did make it through. I do know how important it is though and I'm determined to work on it. So, my goal for today and in the days to come is to focus on the carrot part of Plan A. I can do it...I know I can.

I've been reading about EN's and LB's and am gaining a greater understanding of them. It was all so much to take in at first but now I'm able to get a grasp of what Plan A really means and why it's so important.

That aside, I am very frustrated that I haven't been able to get anything solid. I hate this state of limbo. Knowing I'm doing what I can does help. So does making my plan. But, as you know, it's all so hard to deal with. But I am dealing the best way I know how. I am determined to keep it together and have a better week.

I wish I was posting about the progress I'm making but instead I have a little vent about technology. I had been using a VAR which worked like a charm last week (even though it didn't catch anything of value to me it did record conversations). After being out of town for the weekend, I put in fresh batteries and secured it in WH's car Sunday night. I was not able to get to it until last night only to find out it only recored 6 MINUTES from the past THREE DAYS!!! WH has a LONG commute so it should have been HOURS! I am so annoyed! I didn't have any time to trouble shoot so I re-set it and put it back in and am hoping it works. I can get to it tonight and will hopefully figure out what happened. I guess one scenario is that he found it and messed with it. Time will tell!

I have a serious question though. Although nothing is happening with my situation, I have obtained some very valuable information about WH's Dirtbag Friend's relationships. I know many of you recommended that at some point, I let Dirtbag's BS know what's going on so I'm keeping a separate file for when that day comes. However, I have recently found an email address for one of his OW's (he has 2 or 3 right now) who doesn't even know his real name. I've read emails between them (Dirtbag forwarded them to WH) and she really seems to like him and believes his many lies. Now that I can contact her, should I let her know his real name, address, etc.? I heard about anonymail and anonemail which lets you send an anonymous email that can't be traced without a subpeona (or so they say). Any of you have any experience with this? I would send it from the library or other location and not from my home computer. Thoughts? I feel really bad for this woman and could potentially get her out of a very bad situation. But, as selfish as it sounds, I don't want to jeopardize my own investigation. Any insight would be appreciated.

Also, the carrot part of Plan A has been much improved this week. I'm proud to say I'm doing much better at it. Thanks for all the advice. You've all been so helpful. Now if I can get that darn VAR to work!!!

I don't have any experience with the anonymous email thing but I do with the VARs.

Have you checked the settings to make sure it is set on Voice activated? Did it record continuously while the car was empty? Sometimes when you change the batteries it may go back to the factory default settings.

Do you still have the instruction manual that came with it? After putting in new batteries, test it out yourself before placing again. I usually say the date into it and then wait a few seconds to see if it goes into 'standby' and then speak again to ensure it picks it up again. I do this each time I place it.

Keep working your plan! Keep doing the best you can with your 'carrot' efforts. We all make mistakes. Just continue to try to improve. You are doing fine.

Yes, the voice activation was on and it went into standby mode. Not sure what happened but I hope to get it figured out tonight when I have more time. I thought I reset all the functions when I changed the battery but I could have missed something. It seemed to be working fine when I put it in there. That's why I think WH could have found it but I hope not!

I've been reading the emails between his Dirtbag Friend and one of the women he's seeing. The lies he's telling her are just out of control. I don't know how he keeps it strait. And she really seems to like him. Sad that she knows nothing about him at all. I want to let her know what's going on but not sure it's worth risking something happening to my own situation (like making WH more careful or putting him on guard). I feel stuck in a moral dilema for sure.

Maritalbliss - I got a really nice digital one by Olympus which had great customer reviews. It worked really well last week. It picked up everything (believe me, I had to listen to hours of radio chatter in order to get through everything). It was in a good spot, secrure, etc. That's what makes me nervous is that it worked for a week and then didn't as of Monday. I'm going to be able to troubleshoot it tonight and hopefully find out what happened. If it no longer works then I will have a red flad that WH found it.

Good advice about my other situation. I am saving everything, making notes and tracking what I can. I know sometimes I'm overly cautious but I don't want to move too fast, especially on the part of the situation that doesn't pertain to me. I'm not used to being so selfish but that's what I need to be right now.

Thanks for the great advice.

I doubt he found it. If he was cool enough to NOT confront you with it, he sure wouldn't only let it capture 6 minutes.

I agree with MB....don't reveal what you know yet....but definitely keep a file to bust Dirtbag wide open and alert all his victims...but just when the time is right for you.

@SmilingWoman - I certainly hope he didn't find it but he is really cool about things and can hide his emotions very well (even better than I thought as I'm learning). He's also turning out to be an expert liar. There was a change of plans tonight so I couldn't check it - I will have to wait until tomorrow. For now, I keep my fingers crossed and pray! This is a setback for sure but one I have to deal with.

I am going to keep quiet about Dirtbag's activities but continue to add to my file. It's too bad I can't get this kind of information about my own situation. I got lots more info on Dirtbag today, including the fact that there is yet another woman in the picture. This is the 6th woman (that I know of) since November 2008. The red flag for me is that WH told me a few days ago that nothing is going on with Dirtbag and that he isn't seeing anyone. He used to tell me what was going on but that has all changed. I realize I no longer know the man I'm married too. I wish I had known about this before I got pregnant.

Looking for some recommendations for VARs. The one I have (a digital by Olympus) seems to be unreliable. I needed to buy a second one anyway but had intended on buying the same one. Now, I don't think that's such a good idea and think this one needs to be my back-up. I left it in his car from Wednesday night through Friday night. It recorded everything up until his commute home (I checked his phone and there was a call made that would have been helpful to hear on his way home). I'm not sure what's going on with it. Any suggestions for my next purchase? I don't mind spending a lot on it (the one I have cost $70 so I'm perfectly happy to spend that much or more on one that will be more reliable).

A question about settings. Since it's going to be in there for a few days at a time, should I change the record mode to one that is more suitable for long term recording? Since it records up to 70 hours in High Quality recording, that is what I have it set on. Maybe I need to change it to standard or long term recording? I read over the brochure and it wasn't very helpful so I was hoping someone had exerience with this. Whent it works, it's great. But it doesn't always work. Ugh!

Good grief. I would think a $70 VAR would work. I would get my money back on that one...

Hope someone has a good recommendation for a good one.

How is it going? Anymore emails?

I am really frustrated with this thing. One day it works, the next day it doesn't. You're right, I should get my money back. I've been researching consumer reviews and hope to find a better one.

No luck with the emails. WH is very busy with work right now (I have verified this). Dirtbag Friend keeps emailing him but it's all about his situation and WH has not been responding much (typical for him when he is so busy). Because of my crappy VAR, I missed two conversations they had this week. Darn it!

The kids are back in school Monday so I can do some VAR shopping and hopefully get a good one! Would love some recommendations from everyone!

I use a Sony (about $60 at Target) and it works really well. I use the high microphone setting on it. I change the batteries every night or switch to a different VAR.

Thanks. There are a number of Sony models at the store near my house. I'm buying a second this week. For now, the crappy one is back in his car simply because I don't have another one. I hope it works! Looks like I'll have better opportunities to check on it this week too and maybe not have to leave it in there for so long. Thanks again!

I use the Sony one. $39 at Walmart.
I use the VOR setting so it will sit in the car all day but only record when someone is talking. I take it out every evening. Keep an eye on the battery level.

Thanks for the recommendations. I'm getting a new one tomorrow. Hopefully it will work better than what I have!

Big development in my situation although it's not exactly the one I was hoping for. While it's damaging, it's not exactly proof but something I might need to act on. Let me explain.

I received an email today from what is obviously a made up email account. Someone (I'm assuming one of WH's dirtbag friends) made up a fake email account using a combination of WH's and OW's names (think "Brangelina" or "Bennifer"). From this account, someone sent me an email and the subject was "your husband". The email says "f*cked OW i have pictures of them together." That is all it says and there are no attachments. In case you don't remember, I do know from reading his emails that there are pictures of WH and OW from the night they went out in March.

My guess is that one of the dirtbag friends got mad at WH and did this to get back at him or as a joke. WH's dirtbag friends are notorious for playing stupid and sometimes sick pranks on one another. As far as I know WH does not participate too much in that. Some of the emails that I saw about the pictures one of them has of WH were threats going back and forth about if those pictures ever showed up anywhere.

So, here are what I feel my options are:

1. Do nothing and try to get more solid proof.

2. Show it to him and then pretend to believe him when he tells me it's not true. In this case, I would hope to get some proof from the emails and phone calls that would follow in the upcoming days.

3. Show it to him and tell him I know. The problem with this scenario is that I don't have enough proof and I risk him figuring out how I know what I know and then becoming better at covering up his activities.

I'm not looking for anyone to tell me what to do. Instead, I am hoping I can get some insight from some of you as to what you feel are the pros and cons to each of my options. As of right now, I am leaning towards option #2 which I feel might lead to me getting actual proof of what's going on. Thoughts? Opinions? All views are appreciated.

You have all been so great about making me see things clearer. Hoping you can help me this time too!

There is some good news in my life. I got to hear my baby's heartbeat today. While my circumstances are not ideal, it was nice to feel some joy today.

You forgot option 4:
Get the pics, then expose.
Do NOT tell your H about this. Yet.