You seem to be thinking about this deeper than I am.

Part of me did hope that she might wake up as a result but I didn't hold out much hope for that. The therapist basically told me she is broken. She has deep seeded issues that go back to her childhood. Her way of dealing with is to cut herself off from the situation and start fresh. Unfortunately for her, she is going to be taking all of this baggage right out the door with her. It will follow her for the rest of her life unless she deals with it.

My prediction is she will be divorced a second time within 5 years. She is needy, she cannot be alone. I fought because there was a lot to fight for. 21 years together, house, kids and so on. I can tell you that chances are she will meet a 40 something divorced guy and date or marry. However, once that person starts to see the real her, he will bail out. With no kids together and little time invested, there will be no reason to fight to make it work.

I can also say that I will not tolerate ANY b.s. from anyone I may date in the future. If I see anyone who is anything like WW, I'll move on.

Your wife sounds so much like my husband. We have been married for 18 years but he had alot of abuse in his past also. The counselor worked with us also trying to improve him and his issues but I see no improvement he just lies to make hisself look like a good guy to everyone.

He even went as far at our counseling session yesterday to lie to our couselor to say everything is great and agree to start church. Then today he packed and left.

I have made countless excuses for him and tried to help him also and I totally agree with you I think some people are just broken.
But, it makes me sad that we have so many years together and our daughter. I would be surprised if he ever maintains a relationship either. I should have been tipped off when I was his only real relationship.

so sorry to hear this, fw. Are you doing ok?

I am a mess. I don't have a job. And I live in a town where I don't have any family or friends here. We moved here because of his job. I have not slept either. My daughter doesn't want to move but I just don't know what to do. He wants me to make decisions in a week.

Thanks for the concern.

he packed up and left, but now you're the one who has to move? Where can you go (what are your options)?

I don't have to move but, this is a expensive city. He has offered to let me stay here until my daughter finishes graduates then it would be sold. I would get child support plus a small amount of alimony that he has agreed to. But with the way the economy is here I just don't know if I can make it here.

My other option is to move back to where we grew up. My daughter is in the 9th grade will be in 10th now. Things are cheaper there but not as many jobs. But about the same pay with only a high school diploma. But all my family is there. I have no family here.

But, now he talks to me more than when he lived here. I think he is crazy sometimes. I just can't understand they don't want you but they can't leave you alone. It makes things so much harder.

I think this is fairly common. In my case, the constant access and excuses my WH used to try to keep tabs on me was pretty transparant. And I did not reciprocate. Made him nuts, even tho he left me for OW. Because he was also very abusive, I was able to establish a no contact order as well. The fact that he can't access me anymore I know is something he regrets, altho he will never admit it. More importantly, not allowing him access to me was the best thing I could do to heal. He never saw how upset I was and I liked that. He never "knew" what was going on in my life, a life he once controlled. I liked that too. I got to heal on my terms without him as an audience. I rarely responded to his outbursts or any inquiries I deemed unnecessary. If you can at all distance yourself from this man and reduce access to the bare minimum, texts, and emails only if at all possible, I highly recommend it.

Wow this thread is really helping me, I thought I was the only one who protected my WS from himself, I still do this to a point, it's hard to change this perticular behavior. I've been a sucker for every minipulation, the last 8 years. I fall for it, then get frestrated when there's no follow through. I'm really thinking I trully need to just throw in the towel in. I'm very tierd, and I just don't want to do this anymore.