My wife recently told me she no longer loved me and that she didn't want to be married anymore. We've been married for 10 years, with three children.

I have to admit, I could have been a better husband, I never helped as much as I could have and did not show her love in a way she appreciated it.

Soon after these words, I discovered and she admitted that she had been talking to someone she met, and she has feeling for this person. The weird thing is is that they had only met once (about a month ago), she insists that there was not physical contact that it was an emotional connection, and I happen to believe her. We started counseling about 3 weeks ago, and she was supposed to end contact with him. About 2 weeks into it, she admitted that she was still in contact with him, and did not want to stop talking to him. We came very close to divorce that night; in fact I went to bed (or tried) that night convinced that we were going to get divorced. The next morning, she said she would cut off contact with the other guy and try for three more weeks with the therapist and evaluate or status then.

What I am dealing with now is I can tell she misses talking to this other guy. I love her and am completely committed to changing for the better (seriously); but I can't help but to be hurt over the other guy. I don't know what to do to get her to forget about the other guy. The counselor says not to smother, but how do I convince her that I'm the one she needs to be with. She says she needs space, it's difficult for me to find the balance of giving space and smothering. By our own admission we are best friends and have always been there for one another. I am not sure what to do, this three week time pressure makes feel if I am unable to have her fall in love with me again, that she will be gone for good. Help!

MarriageHealth(MH) I am sorry that you are here. Saying that, this is the best place for you to find yourself at this moment in time.

Have you read all of the info on this site? Click and read all of the Most popular links on the right hand side of the screen. This will help us help you better.

How old are you? How old is your WW? How old are your children? How old is OM? Is this the first M for both of you?

These are some basic questions we need answered to help you more effectively.

I've been frantically sifting through every piece of pertinent information for weeks now. I will take a look at the most popular links.

I am 36. My wife is 35. My kids are 7,5,2. OM is 25, and this is the first M for both of us.

Okay since you have been around for a few weeks, what specific questions about what you have read, do you have?

Do you have a list of people to whom you will expose, including OM side?

What are your WW top 5 EN?

MH, I am sorry you have to be here, but glad you found us given the situation. We know all too well what you are going through.

Continue to read the Basic Concepts and articles. Knowledge is power. Realize that your wife is now wayward and this means she really isn't the same person you used to know. It helped me greatly to think of her as an alien.

Calm down. Breath. We know it's hard, but you have to be calm and think rationally. Have you read up on Plan A? Have you seriously thought about why you want to stay married? You will need to be absolutely sure of your goals for your marriage because you are about to embark on probably the hardest journey you have ever takin in your life.

Again, I am sorry you are here. You are not alone.

-SOL

In order not to waste anyone's time, let me absorb some of the Most Popular links and I will get back with you.

Thanks.

Gotta jet soon for Easter dinner at my sister's house. I will check back in a few hours to see how your absorbing is coming along. In the meantime, my fellow posters will be happy to help you.

Three weeks is not long enough. It will take her at least that long for her feelings for OM to begin to wane, and that is if she is fully committed to rebuilding the M. All the three weeks timeframe does is make her pining for him more tolerable (for her) because there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is a day in the very near future where she can say "I tried counseling, it didn't work, I'm going to be with OM now!"

You can't. Time does that. You cannot rush it.

You said you could have been a better spouse. Read up on LBs (love busters) and identify yours. Pay particular attention to DJs (disrespectful judgments). They are quite common and can be difficult to recognize.

Who knows about your WW's (wayward wife's) affair?
How did they find out?
How old are your children?
How far away is OM (other man)?
How do they interact, primarily?
How did they meet?

ETA: oops, just saw your kids' ages had already been answered wile I was posting (yes I can be the world's slowest poster :D)
OM is 25. Is he married? How do you know?