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#2346692 04/01/10 11:21 AM
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I was married to my H for almost 6 years and we had two beautiful kids. I thought things were ok not perfect but ok and he decided to separate and gave me no choice I had hopes of getting back together but he wouldn't want to try and said he had resentment towards me and anger. Well i thought there was still hope and I kept hearing about another one but he said she was just a friend and i believed it. Then after bout a year i got hit with it being over. He said he would file for the papers, i was still holding it for a miracle. But he was already with this other girl he said they never did anything before and still haven't just hanging out even though i thought she was married to his friend but he said the broke up now. I was left wondering what happend and next on my door step a manila envelope it was the divorce papers filed almost a month before he even told me he was doing it. I am just in shock and how could i be lied to so bad! Now he wants joint custody but not to see his children because he barely see's them but to get out of paying support he hasn't given money to help with them for two years. If he filed it more than a month ago and i am just barely getting it i still have the time to respond right? I am not sure i've never gone thru with this before and i don't know what to do! Also i wasn't served by another just found it on door step is that how its done? Can anyone give me some advice? Just can't believe someone you spent so much time with can treat you like a complete stranger when you did nothing wrong to them when you only supported and cared for them and would of done anything just for there happiness.

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Welcome - you need to move your post to the infidelity section. I'm certain there is an affair, and THAT is the reason he wants a divorce. You need to do some checking and let the other woman's husband know what is going on.

It should say on the divorce papers how long you have to respond. If it doesn't, take it to court and ask. In California, papers have to be served in person, but your state might be different.

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That is what i thought that they have to be served by person but i was never served and i believe on the paperwork it said i have 30 days but he did it and left it after 30 days and there is no proof to show when he left it, no postage mark or anything so I am just worried.

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What state do you live in? Divorce is complicated and while there are similar laws in each state, there are also differences.

I cannot speculate until I know the state.

You need a lawyer, an attorney, right now.

If you cannot afford one, there are legal aid agencies which can help.

Larry

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i live in the state of california

And i tried to do child support and they said he makes to little right now he just started paying for child care for our son and they said if i pursue it i would get less than what he is paying for child care while i pay everything else like our daughters child care plus food and all there expenses i just don't understand. i am a good person i did all i could and i am getting the worse of the worst!!

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Hi, kpaige, I am so sorry this is happening to you.

Don't try to figure out his thinking, and don't feel that you've done anything to deserve this. His head (the big one!) is not calling the shots right now. And whatever he may say about the relationship being platonic.....don't stand too near him, cause lightning would probably strike him down. At the very least, his pants would catch on fire. (That could be a happy thought! Have some marshmallows on hand, just in case!)

That whole thing about the papers just being left on your doorstep, and a 30 day response time, but the papers not dated; all of that practically screams "do it yourself online divorce". I'd suggest that you talk to a real lawyer, asap.

You will need someone to help protect yourself and the kids. If he already has a woman, he is already planning on starting a life with her, and he is going to want to avoid handing over money for child support, etc, so he will have more to spend on his new life.

I know this is so hard for you right now. As hard as it sounds, don't take what he says too personally. There is almost a script that straying husbands use. Straying spouses try to shift the blame to their partner, so they don't feel like lower than whale S**t scum bags.

You aren't talking to your real husband. You are talking to an alien who has taken over his mind and body. So, suspend your expectations for logical interaction; he's going to speaking mostly in BS for the next few months, either way the marriage goes.

I hope you will receive some good practical suggestions. Just don't torture yourself looking for logic right now. Good luck!

Last edited by EllenG; 04/01/10 09:51 PM.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2399446#Post2399446
FBS- me, 53
FWH-53
Married 34 yrs
DD 27 and 30, DS 19 (disabled)
after 2nd DDay, filed for D Dec 09 (me)
6-6-10 WH moved in with OW
7-3-10 WH returned home
taking recovery one day at a time

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See I am doing a new thing!
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19
Joined: May 2008
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If you cant afford a lawyer go to your local court house and find out how to talk to "Legal Access". They give free help with divorce and can tell you if what your husband has done is legal.


Me,BS age 24
WH age 23
DD age 3,DS age 2
WH deployed March '08-March '09
4 affairs
Plan A/B~complicated
I filed D 8/4/09
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Who told you he makes too little? In California, if a man doesn't pay his child support, he loses his driver's license. And you can get child support by going to court.

If you are not working, then go on welfare and name him as dad. I guarantee welfare will squeeze the money out of him.

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Be grateful that your ex decided to have his atty mail the papers to you - perfectly normal in CA - rather than serve you in front of your co-workers. My STBX warned me that they were coming in the mail, so when I found the manila envelope on the porch, it wasn't a shock. It was brain-numbingly painful - but at least not embarrassing.

Lawyers will advise you on the phone for free. Call around. You don't have to pay a retainer until you need them to assist you in responding.

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Here in Florida, they have the papers delivered by a deputy, like any other legal warrant. I wish you good luck in finding some help.


http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2399446#Post2399446
FBS- me, 53
FWH-53
Married 34 yrs
DD 27 and 30, DS 19 (disabled)
after 2nd DDay, filed for D Dec 09 (me)
6-6-10 WH moved in with OW
7-3-10 WH returned home
taking recovery one day at a time

"Forget the former things;
do not dwell on the past.
See I am doing a new thing!
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland."
Isaiah 43:18-19
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 88
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Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 88
I like that verse, EllenG

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Sounds like he has met someone new and wants to move on. You should move on as well and focus on your life. Don't blame yourself.


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