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Oh I am so sad. I can't stop crying tonight.
My husband never really stopped contact with OW he is having an EA with. He played me along that he agreed to no-contact and he made a secret email account....I found out he cried that he broke down and we were back to no-contact and scheduled with the coaching center (apt is on Tuesday) Well he did it again...he made another secret email account and has been in contact with her all along! He saw her today so they could run together.
I have to go to plan B. I don't even know what this is going to mean. He won't leave the house tonight so he is sleeping in the guest room...
We have 3 kids...
Me:BW 34yo
FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
Last known contact June 2010
Believe we are finally in firm no-contact and working on recovering.
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MBJG
Please tough it out until you talk to the coaching center. And Plan B means that he has to leave or you have to leave. It is NO Contact between the two of you. How much of Surviving an Affair have you read?
Larry
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MBJG- Please could you stick to one thread as well. It is sometimes hard to remember where everyone is in their sitch.
MBJG, I think this may have already become PA.
Click notify and ask the mods to combine your threads so we can help you better.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Sorry this happened, but it is very, very common. If you can, think of him being a heroin addict. The other woman is his drug.
Please keep your appointment and don't go to Plan B. You are way too early in this for Plan B.
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I don't know your whole story but, I second the opinions of waiting until your appointment with the coaching center. Keep snooping, and working your plan A until you've talked with them. Will your WH be in attendance for the call?
Married 9 yrs.
DC 7 & 2
DH EA 4/08-01/10
Dday #1 05/08
False recovery b4 I knew about MB 07/08
Dday #2 01/10
NC 01/10
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It really doesn't matter if hubby is attendance, because talking to the Harley's will help her.
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I was just asking as they have gotten through to my WH and read through his BS in the beginning stages. I was going to encourage MBJG that even when it seems hopeless in my experience the coaching center may be able to help WH see the reality of what he'd lose.
Married 9 yrs.
DC 7 & 2
DH EA 4/08-01/10
Dday #1 05/08
False recovery b4 I knew about MB 07/08
Dday #2 01/10
NC 01/10
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Wait for plan B? Well I can wait to go no-contact but he has to go soon.
I will keep the apt. for sure and he is welcome to join me. I need all the help I can get figuring this out.
I found out in Jan and he agreed to no contact- we started working MB but he refused coaching or counseling. He broke no-contact by text messaging her and I was understanding that he was struggling and gave in like an addict.
Then I found out about the email account...again I gave him a chance to come clean with any secrets and asked that he be totally open with me.
and now again with another email account and he admitted he never really stopped contact at all. He saw her today.
Never has he come clean about anything that I didn't find on my own (or by accident). He isn't agreeing to no contact. he isn't agreeing to be honest. He said he loves us both. He loves her like he's never loved me, according to him.
If I don't take a stand he will think he can keep doing this. He said to me, "but you won't file and make it official cause you'll take me back, right?" I said I don't know what I'm doing.
Sorry about the new thread. I will figure that out tomorrow. I'm just too tired and drained right now. Thank you for being patient with me tonight.
It's Easter weekend and my oldest child turns 8 on April 11th. I'm so sad.
Me:BW 34yo
FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
Last known contact June 2010
Believe we are finally in firm no-contact and working on recovering.
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Posts: 27,069
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Don't be sad, and try to get some sleep. Hubby is behaving like they all do. It is almost like there is a wayward spouse handbook. So there is lots of hope that the marriagebuilders program will work.
The Harleys will give you a plan to turn this mess around. You can count on it.
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If it gets to the point of ANYONE leaving, though, it will be HIM!
The BS should NEVER EVER LEAVE THE HOUSE, EVER!
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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The Harleys will give you a plan to turn this mess around. You can count on it. This is definitely true. Good luck with your appointment on Tuesday
Married 9 yrs.
DC 7 & 2
DH EA 4/08-01/10
Dday #1 05/08
False recovery b4 I knew about MB 07/08
Dday #2 01/10
NC 01/10
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MBJG-It's okay about the different threads. Newbies(even ME) make that same mistake all of the time. You only have your sitch in your head, but we have MANY. It also helps to write a signature line as well for quick reference, but we can discuss that at a different time.
My suggestion to you is to continue Plan A until AT LEAST Tuesday's apt with Steve. I myself have not had the pleasure of dealing with the counseling center but I have heard great things. I am POSITIVE that Steve will be able to guide you through this. All you have to do is not react out of emotions until then. Stick to YOUR PLAN.
You're doing GREAT just keep it up for a few more days.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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{{{{{{{MBJG}}}}}}}}, I am so truly sorry for this latest development. I KNOW how painful it is. My heart just breaks for you. There is hope. Your appt. on tues will help you in getting together a PLAN. Until then, it's OKAY if you want to distance yourself from him a bit. It's very hard to give and give and then be stabbed continuously. Try to have some fun with the kiddo's this holiday, and when the pain of being near your WH is too great, advoid him. Tis better to not Love Bust than to meet EN's WHILE LB'ing......  .....you WILL be okay...... Not2fun
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So sorry you are going through this. {{{{{MBJG}}}}}}
Just remember until you are 100% in Plan B, try your best to keep your Plan A going. It is OK for your WH to see that you are in pain, but do the best you can with avoiding lovebusters. If you feel one coming on, go into another room, come vent here or go visit a friend, etc.
I don't have time to go through the other threads, but how long has the A been going on? Who has this been exposed to? Is OW married?
Hang in there.
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I asked him to leave Sunday afternoon- so he can still have Easter morning with the kids. Then he can go stay with a friend until our apt. on Tuesday morning. Then we will develop a plan.
Is that an awful idea?
He keeps trying to make love and wants to know I love him. I can't right now. I just said I have to figure things out. He underestimates me. He knows that I love him and so he just thinks I will put up with it. He didn't think I would figure out what he was up to. He didn't tell me anything until the facts were found and he couldn't deny it. Over and over again he lied and hid details-- even after saying "it's all out and I've told you everything" Then I saw an email where she refers to something he hadn't told me (a plan to meet up)
I think he is waiting to see if she's going to separate from her husband to decide what to do with me. He doesn't want to end up with neither of us.
I hear you all saying stick to plan A. I just don't have the energy to try to meet any of his EN's right now. I'm completely drained.
Me:BW 34yo
FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
Last known contact June 2010
Believe we are finally in firm no-contact and working on recovering.
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Well of course he doesn't want to give either of you up. It's called fence-sitting.....and you need to push him off the fence.
Plan B. It is time for Plan B. Women should only do it for 4-6 weeks max.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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Karma- Thing is she has an apt with Steve on Tuesday so I suggested Plan A until Tuesday and Steve will tell her what steps to take after that.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Had the apt with Steve.
(Then my internet was down so that's why I haven't back here)
He talked to WH most of the time- without me.
That left me just about 15 min. I didn't have much time to ask questions or express my concerns. He asked me questions and I answered them and that was it. He suggested I do nothing this week -except make sure I'm not doing any Love Busting.
So we're in plan A I guess...but something has switched in me and I'm not really in plan A like I was before. I am just doing what I need to do with kids and house. I'm not being cold or difficult. It's like I don't even have the energy for that either. Have another apt. scheduled with Steve and I will discuss this with him.
My WH says he isn't sure this program is for him. He said he wants to stay together and work on us but he isn't sure Steve Harley is the right one to help us. But he also said, if I feel strongly about doing more sessions he will.
So I scheduled another one. Right now I know I have to figure out POJA and how to apply it.
I'll also try t link my threads now.
Me:BW 34yo
FWH: 36yo
Married:11 years
Together:16 years (dated through college years)
3 Children: 8, 7, 2
EA 10/2009 PA began 12/09 lasted until 4/10
EA Discovery 1/10 & PA Discovery 4/10
What I thought was "no-contact" in 1/10 was a FR
Last known contact June 2010
Believe we are finally in firm no-contact and working on recovering.
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Posts: 3,499
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He asked me questions and I answered them and that was it. He suggested I do nothing this week -except make sure I'm not doing any Love Busting. sounds like a good PLAN to me.....Steve knows how exhausting it is for BS's....he's trying to protect YOU My WH says he isn't sure this program is for him. BUT what do YOU think? do you think this is the best program for you? THAT'S what really matters.....at this point. You WH doesn't have enough brains at this point to know what's best for him, you or your marriage. right now I have to figure out POJA and how to apply it I say right now you need to schedule some "take care of MBJG" time....... A nice pedi should do the trick..... {{{{MBJG}}}} Not2fun I'll also try t link my threads now. [/quote]
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