SisterReed. I am a guy. I would hold them down while you removed their ability to do what they did.

Larry

Quote of the day. . .


Just shoot me. Save me from trying to understand that twisted logic. Well, maybe I do understand it. And THAT worries me.

Larry

Now leave us wander afield to Military Marriages and a post there that is just, well, one or two of the best of the best.

click me

Amazin and Sweethonesty have outdone themselves.

Larry

New folks are always coming in here. I am determined to keep this thread going to attract them into helping. It takes more than a few vets to do the job. Burn out, ever heard of it? If you get help, give it back.

Larry

Larry,

In words of one Randolph Scott, "you make mighty find coffee!"

Tom

It is going to be a slow weekend. Easter usually is. It could also be a sad weekend since people tend to get sad about their relationships at Christmas, Easter, anytime they have a chance to reflect.

Here is the one and only post someone made today:




Yea, I told them not enough information.

Have you hugged your kids today?

Larry

I have heard that most marriages do not survive an affair.

I have heard that most marriages do survive an affair.

I am easy to confuse.

Here is what I do know, not to be confused with what I don't know or what I have heard that confuses me. Get it?

1. When one of the spouses in a marriage has an affair, the marriage will not survive unless the affair is busted up. There are exceptions to this rule. Bob Hope's wife never did divorce him and he was a notorious skirt chaser. Dr. Harley has a plan for that. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

2. Once the affair is busted up, the couple has to recommit to the marriage. Sometimes they divorce anyway. Dr. Harley has NO plan to force either to recommit.

3. Once they commit to the marriage and tough it out, a good plan is helpful to make the marriage as pleasant as possible. Dr. Harley has a plan for that.

And here is the important part:

Dr. Willard Harley has a marriage plan that closely mimics what most people do voluntarily when they are infatuated. There ARE differences.

In an infatuation, we naturally want to spend as much time with the other person as we can. MB says spend 15 hours a week.

In an infatuation, we project on the other person who we want them to be and that makes them desirable. MB makes us desirable because of the way we are taught to act.

In an infatuation, we want to meet the emotional needs of the other person. MB has us find out the emotional needs and meet those needs consciously.

In an infatuation, we want to find agreement with the other person because, well, we are infatuated with them. MB makes us use POJA.

In an infatuation, we try our best to be open and honest with our infatuation partner, for the most part. MB has us be open and honest, period.

In an infatuation, we are driven to want a wonderful relationship with another person. We desire that person to be our companion. MB teaches us to be a good companion so we can deserve a good companion.

I wonder how many mimics can be found between MB and a good infatuation? How about energy? How many differences?

Interesting concept, yes?

Affair yes, affair no. Wouldn't it be nice to have a great marriage either way?

Have you hugged your kid today? Have you posted to someone on one of the many forums? Has your taker overwhelmed you and you have nothing to give here?

Larry

And a great surprise this East Sunday:


AB

You went from this:


To this:


Keep working on you. Keep working on you. Keep working on you. That is the key. And you know it.

By his letter to you, it is obvious that your husband is a very, very smart guy. And given what he does for a living, he is also very observant. Keep working on you.

Larry

And so it goes. It may be a false recovery. It may not, but the damn has busted and now it is up to them, instead of the mind state of futility and despair.

Is anyone even reading this thread anymore. It is over 10% posts per read. More than 1,300 reads in a short period of time. But it seems to have tapered off.

Should I drop it or is there still value as people come and people go. What suggestions do you have that might mean the central message stays intact?

Larry

I check back every time there is a new post to see what was said. When I have something to post, I do. I don't want you to feel rejected Larry, it just seems to be a somewhat read only thread for most.

Take a look at my read to post ratio. 39654:1611 that is 4.1%. 10% doesn't seem so bad now does it? HAHAHAHAHA

I'll come back if y'all will stop using math. Math makes me sad....I think it's all the numbers!

Poster of the day is . . .

gnirlos

Huh?

He made one tiny post and it wasn't much. And his wife filed for divorce. So why is he the poster of the day?

Because I see him all the time in the Who's Online list and he is reading and studying. He is acquiring the emotional tools he needs to survive an affair and more importantly, improving his chances for having a really great relationship down the path.

This site and forum are all about emotional tools and how to use them to have a more successful life and especially a more successful emotional relationship, the foundation for most our existence and raising kids and having someone who cares and all that mushy stuff.

Larry

i read it every day! its a good thread...

Thanks

This thread gets about 40 reads a day. That is ok. But if someone doesn't post something every once in a while, I don't have the motivation to keep going.

The intent of this thread is to encourage people to post and help.

The secondary intent is to recognize a good effort when someone sees it, and not just me.

Another intent is to say something about marriage and recovery or whatever, that hasn't seen the light of day somewhere else, lately.

And so on.

Larry

Okay, now that you have laid out the ground rules, expect this thread to get move posts.

Erk, ok Scottie...

Larry

so random posts about pink shoes not okay?

Well, not to excess SisterReed

You might even come up with a pink shoe award for distinctive posting. IYKWIM.

Larry

It is obvious to me that many of the more emotional situations that are currently receiving sympathy and advice here, are NOT reading Dr. Harley's concepts.

Sometimes they need spoon feeding until they get hooked.

And you can see them grow before your very own eyes once they start reading. The transformation is that obvious.

That said, some of the concepts, like exposure, have had a very thorough vetting on a thread or two. And reading such threads is a real education. Over the years, there has been a ton of very wise people expressing that wisdom. Many are no longer with us, but their words are still there in the archives.

Larry

Reading the notable posts forum - very good stuff in there!