Hi NB,<P> How long have you been in recovery?...as wise K said "it takes TIME"....3 weeks ago we were at the very lowest and I honestly thought things would never get better...H came back in April so it's been 5 mos.....I decided that I would NOT think like that anymore and became more positive and now my H is joining me......things are so much better from a few weeks ago......NB, hang in there, stop analyzing it all so much , be postitive and you will turn the corner.....LU

Ok, I'm back, ready or not. It just kills me to know that you're feeling like this!<P>Forget your friend! 'Nuff said about that one.<P>Whatever your motivations for the walk, naivete', loneliness, confusion, stress, gin and tonic, doesn't matter. What a set-up! Sheryl, look how EASY it would have been. Away from home, problems at home, too much liquor, "I'm still attracted to you and not serious w/ my gfriend" stuff - EVERY excuse in the book to do the WRONG thing, yet..........YOU DIDN'T!!!! <P>Think about it. Had you not resisted (and, imo, Airheart made a VERY valid point! You're ALWAYS pretty good, Airheart!), not only would you have had some pretty darn good justifications, but it would have made the decision for you for the rest of your life as well. I didn't say that well. You'd have blown it. You couldn't handle it. No more problems and struggles w/ hubby, because no more reason to work on your marriage. But (in case you weren't listening) YOU DIDN'T!!!!!!!!!<P>That's not slut, Honey. That's a strong, committed, moral woman! I've known people with no real problems who couldn't have handled it so well.<P>OK, can't stand it. Back to your friend. (you knew I couldn't stay away from it!) Say she has a point (for argument's sake only) that there have been problems for years with little bits of happiness (forget the contrived part - some of it was REAL) in between. So? You loved each other enough to marry. You found bits of happiness. You can still find more and more happiness to replace the bad stuff as you two work together.<P>Sheba's right. A few "get aways" together would definitely not hurt. There's nothing wrong with escape for the two of you. Make new memories - good memories - that will help sustain you when the stresses of life start working on you again.<P>Hang in there, Sheryl. And please stop beating up on yourself. We all believe in you - time to start believing in yourself.<P>Here's an extra hug to start today.<P>{{{{{{{{{{Sheryl}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

New Beginning....<P>I can sense your vulnerability and you WERE tested, but you passed. Keep hanging in there. I know that you & your H can make it!

Deb,<P>I really hope you're right. In the light of day I can now see... nothing better than yesterday. I'll see when my H gets home. I'm actually nervous! And yes, I do believe that Satan is real. It really ticks me off that we have to be tested all the time.<P>Nellie,<P>HA! Never thought of that!! Ick. I'll keep my eyes and ears open. She said how gorgeous he is a couple of times yesterday. She has also mentioned that she is jealous of me because of all this. She can't get anyone to even look at her. I am not kidding here, I'm regular-person looking... I'm no beauty. It's probably vulnerability that's so attractive, huh?<P>Lu,<P>My H has his affairs 12 yrs. ago and mine began 8 months ago, ended 5 months ago. Yes, it takes time, but there are some things which hinder recovery. My H refuses to go to counseling, for one. I went by myself even. But I dont' want to have to do this by myself. A bit bitter, you can tell. And hurt.<P>Lori,<P>Thank you, as always for holding me up in your hands (and maybe a gentle lift into God's?? ). You're such a sweetie!!<P>NoTrust, <P>You didn't have to come back and say that. I appreciate it! <BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Congrats on being so strong! <P>I know if a test like that was thrown in my face that I might have passed physically, but it would have had me thinking mentally. I know it would have had me questioning my marriage again...which is something I don't need. I hope this test doesn't have you "thinking" even more.<P>BTW...I totally agree with Airheart. The man was intruding on you marriage by saying those things.

New B,<BR>I'm late on this thread, but I have to echo, you did okay. You skated the edge, but you didn't go for it. Learning HOW to deal with temptation is a big part of a betrayer's recovery, I believe.<P>Airheart,<BR>Thanks for posting what you did. There's a man in my life saying these exact same things. "I hope your marriage makes it, but if the door closes, I want you to know there is a window." Naturally I've been thinking about the window since he said that. And my H has moved out and...he's just the most confused person I know, included those on the board. So this guy, who seems rock-solid & nice & who comes into my store, brings me donuts, sandwiches, likes me, compliments me (smart, beautiful, funny, resourceful, seem like a good mom, wow--now that dress looks great on you)...I just never tell him to take a hike. Gonna rethink what exactly is bringing him in to see me...<P>I'm skating the edge too, New Beginning.<P>And my H says, although he does love & desire me, our marriage is over...my motivation isn't so great anymore...oh, and did I mention he only lives about 8 blocks from my house and my store is always on the way to anywhere he goes...<P>Maybe I need my own thread...but I thought I'd post here because then nobody has to repeat themselves. <BR>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>[This message has been edited by Lor (Lor) (edited October 24, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Lor (Lor) (edited October 24, 1999).]

Come to think of it the same thing sort of happened to me.<P>A guy friend who knows about the affair (through the grapevine at work) recently told me that he was dissapointed when he first met me and found out I was married. He also told me other things...like he'd be available if things didn't work out with my h and complimented me on a bunch of other things. So in a way, I kind of thought he wasn't intruding on my marriage...but, I guess he was. I think he was more kidding then anything. Also, I wasn't tempted at all.

Holly and Lor,<P>Well, thank you so much for your responses - that's first.<P>I'm just now writing a new post because my H and I did decide some things this weekend. <P>I'm sure everyone will tell us we're nuts, but both of us feel better now.<P>Check it out when I post...<P>Hugs, to both of you... <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

new-beginning<P>Lighten up on yourself. You have learned from your past bad decision, your affair. You now are at a higher level of conciousnes, to recognize the situation that you were in, and handle it appropriately. Pat yourself on the back. You could of easily made a different choice, all the things were in place for something to happen with your friend, but you chose not to let it happen. Congratulations!<P>Also, your not stupid.<BR>Being honest to your husband, was exactly what you should have done. That, is the only way you can be trusted. Be honest with yourself about your feelings. We all have them at some time or another. These feelings are real, its how we choose to deal with them that matters most.<P>The challenge ahead, is if you can continue to grow and learn from your life experiences. You have truly shown that you do love your husband. First by not being unfaithfull, and second, by being totally honest with him. Doing what you have done, should make your husband respect you and fall in love with you.

M Go Blue,<P>If you've read my recent post, you no doubt realize by now that what I did pushed my H further away. Not to say that I wasn't right in being honest. I still stand by that decision. However, I'm beginning to wonder if it's the best in every situation.<P>Thanks for the uplifting words <P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>