I'm curious to know what others think regarding how much you need to know about what's going on in your ex's life. Specifically, how a BF/GF is relating to the children.

My ex has had a BF for several months now (I think) and I am fairly sure that he has not met the kids yet. My ex is pretty adamant about not exposing the kids too early and I haven't heard the kids talk about anything. However, I don't even know this guys name and my kids mentioned a guys name, I would not know if this is the BF or some other friend.

I don't want to pry and know details. Ok, I really do but I know that's not good for anybody. I feel like I need to know more though, and I'm not sure exactly what I need to know it for. Any thoughts?

I think it's fair to say that I have some fear of being replaced as a Dad in some ways too.

The fear of all who only have visitation. . .

You are divorced. You have no rights to any information about her private life. If she moves a guy in, you have a right to lightly monitor the situation to insure no harm to the kids. If she moves to replace you as the father of your children, and many women do who remarry, you have a right to fight it. It will take effort, writing a journal, effective communication with her, effective communication with your kids.

One of the best ways to defuse the situation is to tell the kids that they now have two dads instead of one, but that you are the primary dad.

You have a right to know what the rules are in her house so you can match them with the rules in your home. Email is one of the best ways of documenting how that works. And email is an impersonal way of dealing with a personal set of issues because when she remarries, she falls within the Harley rules.

Larry

I understand that you're concerned about being replaced as a dad. But, try not to worry, you are the "Dad" and you will always be there dad. That can't and won't be taken away from you. I guess I would want to at least know this persons name just for peace of mind,though.

Well, I do know his name now. I fear less about intentionally beig replaced then unintentional. Just as an example, my ex was thinking about introducing BF to kids while BF was going to go skydiving. My kids are young, and the last thing I want is for them to have a first impression of this new guy dropping out of the sky like superman. Further down the road, I can see myself being left out of the loop on certain things in thier life, just because it's an effort to keep me informed, and the male role model is already there.

As well, my first child is not my own biolgically, so when he decides that 3 Dads is just too much, I'm likely to be the one dropped. He called me by my first name the other day, which really sucked. Luckily he went back to calling me Dad, but I never know when he's going to decide it's not worth it.

And because of my experience with my eldest, I know very well how a Dad can be replaced, unintentionally. I was always very supporttive of his biological Dad and we've always been on great terms, but I often did the Dad things just because I was the one who was there.

Lastly, I have some FOO to deal with. My father was married twice, and he did grow very distant from the kids from his first marriage. I don't want to repeat that.

I'm sure things will get easier, and this is still a pretty recent divorce. I guess I'm mostly just working through the emotions.

He may have a little more, if his divorce decree has the "no overnight guests of opposite sex while children are present" line in it...but, in general, ITA...

Man, I am so jealous. New Husband here is a total controlling jerk. When I go to pick or drop off my son, the other two, who are not mine explode out the door to see me. It seriously makes him mad. Oh well.

Frankly, I don't see it lasting.

Larry

That's true. Didn't think about that one. Hey, a bit of contempt of court never hurt and ego that didn't need hurting. Kinda like PSUBiker and his situation.

I see your tracks all over gnirlos. Way to go. Might as well learn as much as you can.

Larry