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Here is an interesting post. wow it's so great to see I am not going to get any help here either.  I missed that one. This underlines that more people need to be reading and posting. Pay back. . . Larry
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Here is an interesting post. wow it's so great to see I am not going to get any help here either. I missed that one. This underlines that more people need to be reading and posting. Pay back. . . Larry She's gotten over 400 views, Larry. We've outlined the initial steps, but she's resisted all of them. Then she bolts for a week, and comes back complaining that she's not getting any help.  I have a tendency to stop posting on threads of this nature and go on to others who seem to be receptive to the tools we use on this site.
D-Day 2-10-2009
Fully Recovered and Better Than Ever!
Thank you Marriage Builders!
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You see what I told her? The poor little me thing doesn't hold water after a while. I agree with you.
Larry
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it is easier at times to complain and do nothing despite the pain you are in at that current place then to change your behavioral pattern, be uncomfortable and unsure and better yourself.
e.g. - dieting. I am overweight...i uncomfortable in my own skin and hate how i look....i would rather complain about it
Eating healthy and exercising would mean I would need to CHANGE...and changing is hard...easier to just complain about our life.
My BS is stuck in DDAY. 9 - 10 months out ...he wont divorce me, wont restore marriage. what he will do is remind me nightly of what I did...and that I hurt him. And he has a right to feel this way because I started it.
i love him with all my heart but sometimes i feel as if he is behaving like a child in full tantrum
You started it
I dont have to help
you knocked me down and I wont pick myself up becasue YOU started it!!!
I want to say...Leave me (which you have a right to do)...or help me build... I can not continue to keep roof from falling in by myself much longer.
When you cut yourself - you bleed. The is a sign you are healthy and your body is function properly. It cleans out the bad stuff. But if you keep on bleeding - then there is something wrong. If in time the wound doesnt begin to heel and close up...there is something wrong. Bleeding and pain are normal parts of the heeling process...but only for a set amount of time. It can not go on forever or else you die.
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SisterReed
You give it as much time as you are able. You give it your best shot. If the other party will not get aboard the recovery train, then you must leave the station without them.
This is about Surviving an Affair. If that means marriage, great, if that means Divorce, then that is surviving an affair in another way.
Larry
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I would like to give my props to smileygirl. She tends to pull up some extremely relevant threads that I hadn't found and she bumps them up. She could keep the thread for herself but instead she is bringing it up for others to see who haven't. YEAH SMILEYGIRL.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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but I am the wayward - i started this thing...cant leave BS at station just yet.
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but I am the wayward - i started this thing...cant leave BS at station just yet. I know. Dr. Harley has some articles on this site that address when to call it quits. When to call it quits, Parts one, two and three.Larry Larry
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But none of these letters address when the BS is the abuser and wont meet needs.
Dr. H also says that a WS needs to do heavy lifting for a period of time to restore marriage.
He Covers a BS choosing to divorce or restore
he covers what a WS should do for BS during restoration
he doesnt cover what to do when a WS wishes to restore, a BS doesnt want to help with restoration but doesnt want a divorce and prefers to ebrace the taker...for how long does a WS do the heavy lifting...They say it takes 2 - 3 years to recover from infidelity...we arent even past the one year mark...
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he doesnt cover what to do when a WS wishes to restore, a BS doesnt want to help with restoration but doesnt want a divorce and prefers to ebrace the taker...for how long does a WS do the heavy lifting...They say it takes 2 - 3 years to recover from infidelity...we arent even past the one year mark... I think I have seen something in one of his books. Remember, this site has the synopsis, not the full contents of the books. I will look around and see if I can find something that will help you. Yes, the decision is the BS to make, recover or not. The two to three time line assumes that recovery is embraced by both parties. When one doesn't, then there you go. Keep trying, read, educate yourself, do the best you can. You don't control him, only yourself. So make yourself the best you can be and don't give up, until you must. Larry
Last edited by _Larry_; 04/06/10 06:41 PM.
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Mark: Larry,
My understanding is that FDI is certified to train facilitators for marriage ministry including weekend seminars designed to save troubled marriages, 8 week courses designed to teach MB (and other material) methods to couples and they offer a home study course similar to Dr Harley's.
From what I have ascertained, they do not offer training to counselors as a matter of course, but many counselors do attend their training sessions.
The weekend training for their certification to run the eight week course is 600 dollars plus room and board. (this is for couples to learn to lead a marriage ministry in their home church). They do use Dr Harley's materials for this course and for the eight week class that the couple is certified to teach.
At least that is the way I understand it since I have been trying to raise the money to attend their training since I first heard about it. I do have a contact at FDI that I communicate with periodically. Thus far all I have for sure is what I have been given and what I have read on their website.
I found out about them through someone who attended my class last fall. They attended Dr Harley's MB weekend last March and checked with Dr Harley and or MB staff to find a source of training and certification to offer to me to help me in establishing our marriage ministry. They told me about FDI being certified by Dr Harley. From communications with my liaison there, I am given the same information though they make no claim to be the only certified group as I was told by my contact who contacted MB staff.
My understanding is that this couple at least reads here and may be posters, one or both of them. I had at least three couples from MB at that first class and only know the posting names of one couple.
And I ain't saying...
Mark
[/tj] That was good information. On the forum, we have one Preacher's wife who says her husband mutters about MB being a cult. She has been absent for a few days and I worry about her. One of the preachers in town also said he had heard of MB and thought it was a cult. Grrrrr So I was looking for validation one way or the other and FDI seemed like a good place to get it. What say you? Larry
Last edited by _Larry_; 04/06/10 09:37 PM.
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Oops, Scottie was there too. Come on in Scottie...
larry
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OH NO. I got lost again? Where am I now? HEHEHEHEHE
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Mark may have decided to go to bed. Oh well, he said what he wanted to say. You see where I got Tinker laughing  Hope that defused some of the gas lighting she has been getting. Larry
Last edited by _Larry_; 04/06/10 09:46 PM.
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Larry, ![[Linked Image from cool-smileys.com]](http://www.cool-smileys.com/images/59.gif) Mark (I'll be back  )
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One of the preachers in town also said he had heard of MB and thought it was a cult. Grrrrr
So I was looking for validation one way or the other and FDI seemed like a good place to get it.
What say you? I wouldn't concern myself with idle gossip. Marriage Builders doesn't need any validation.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Mark may have decided to go to bed. Mark isn't THAT old... I just feel like it. Mark
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Mel, I know that and you know that. I am bent on getting this guy to back off. Bit between my teeth and all.
Larry
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Nevermind. I read my map and found out where I am again. HAHAHAHAHA Should I restate what I said over there? I haven't really posted anything about this on here yet. I don't think it would change anything about the help I receive. My WH and I are not Christian. As a matter of fact, neither one of us have been baptized. Him because his parents weren't M when he was born and then they just didn't do it. Me, because my Mom is Orthodox and my Dad is Catholic. They too weren't M when I was born. My Mom wanted me baptized Catholic and then the Priest said that since they weren't M he couldn't. Then it turned into the fact that when I grew up I could make my own choice. I would say that I am spiritual and not necessarily religious. What does that mean? Well, I believe in Angels, a higher power, right and wrong, etc. I just haven't found ONE religion that I fully commit too(I have studied A LOT). So I see MB from a non-religious POV. I feel uncomfortable being "preached" too. So I understand the fact that MB and DrH don't come out and say explicitly that they are a Christian organization. Not that they hide it or even avoid it. DrH is a GENIUS and as being such, he would understand that to declare himself as only religious he would alienate MANY people who are NOT. In my journey, I am also examining my FAITH. That can't be a bad side effect. If MB is a "cult" I am glad that I joined. What is my price to pay? A possible healthy and Happy M. Well, I am willing to pay that. HEHEHEHE
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Mark, you have a last name I have NEVER seen before.
Larry
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