I'm getting there too. I'm a nervous wreck. I guess if she is still seeing the om I will have to draw the line and tell it's over no coming back. My kids are in full support of my decisions. To bad for her that they are pissed at her too. Doesn't anyone think about the full blown ramifications when they have an A?

No, they never do. They are willing to toss everything, sometimes for someone they've known for a week.

I'm not saying to abandon your wife. She needs to keep seeing her doc and get whatever treatment she needs. But can't she do that from daughter's home?

I would think long and hard about taking her back home while she is still pining for or planning on seeing the OM. If being sick and having panic attacks hasn't woken her up, what will?

She betrayed you and is now using you for comfort while she continues to want a relationship with the OM. I would let her know that there is no room for him in your marriage.

I know. She did say that she want to work on us but didn't want to talk because she just had a panic attack. I just hope she isn't playing me.

Just take your time and don't make any fast decisions. From your postings, just a couple of days ago she was still thinking about the OM, caring about him.

Her panic attacks are probably real, but if she is taking anti-D's, they should subside.

My advice is don't be too willing to take care of her unless she wants to work on recovery, which includes OM being out of the picture.

I'll do my best.

Some changes for the better have happened. I had talked about her panic attacks and also that while she was staying at her daughters house that I did not want to talk to her for a while. Our daughter called me and told me that her mom was deeply disturbed about that the fact that I hander her my wedding ring. I told her when she feels like being married again to let me know. We she asked me to come back but I gave her conditions. Total honesty. no more secrets, no more contact with the om of any kind and write the letter. All of which she agreed. She said when I gave her my ring that it really bothered her and then when I did not want to talk to her set her over the edge. She realized that I was serious. So hopefully we on finally on our way.

Great job! There are sure to be ups and downs, so prepare yourself for that. I think men are always better off to stand their ground that there cannot be another man in the picture. Your wife will respect you more. Hang in there!

kingblue,

Be careful with giving in to quickly. When I sent my W a no contact letter she freaked out and sent me a letter begging and pleading about how she cared for me and wanted me in her life. They were words and zero action. Make sure she is on board with actions and not just words. Words to a WAW mean nothing because they have been lying so much they no longer have respect for teh truth. They will say only what makes them feel good in the moment.

Thank you. And thanks to everyone else. I have a weekend get away planned so we can be alone. So we don't have any interference.
She has also shed a friend that were toxic to our marriage. They were giving her negative advice and she finally got sick of them.
We may repeat our vows later this year but for now I am taking it one day at a time.
I think the panic attacks had something to do with her guild. She was the one that was always worried about me fooling around. I told her I had plently of chances but I never wavered. I had been cheated on by my 1st wife and knew the pain of having it done to me. I thought that my current wife was the last person that would ever cheat on me. She was the one who always said she could not stand cheaters. Now she has allot making up to do and seems very willing to do so, So far.

Here's the latest.
We were steadily working on recovery and I was getting better at filtering out images of my w with the om out. As of yet I have not seen him. Another new developement is that my wife has went to doctor about a hsyterectomy because of pain and excessive bleeding. In less than 1 week she is going to have it done and removing her overies. Everything is coming out. She will be out of commission for 6 weeks.

I am still trying to deal with my w's A and my feelings. I know it's going to be a long road but there are times when she is gone from the home or business longer than I think is necessary. Maybe I am just being parinoid. She has been so nice and loving lately I would hate to think I am being played. She did promise that she wouldn't the om. I know it's not a sprint but a marathon. Her hysterectomy is 5 days away and they are taking everything out.

Now something new. Maybe I am not in recovery. The om lives in another town. Yesterday my w claimed she was in town here not there where the om lives. I see she withdrew money from an atm in that town. She lied where she was. What should I do now with this operation coming up? Plan B?

More info, please:

Are you still living apart? The OM lives 25 miles away, right? And she claimed she was in town? Was there closure sex or did that not happen? Did she write a NC letter? Have you been snooping to confirm no contact? Are you clear on her whereabouts at all times? No, strike that - you obviously aren't since there are long periods of time where she does not respond to your calls. Have you been checking up on her at all?

So what do you want to do, king? You're not her doctor, you're her husband. Don't involve the issue of her surgery right now - what do you want to do?

The om does live 25 miles away and that is where the bank is. Now we are living together right now. I just found this atm charge a few hours ago. I have been snooping and checking on her as much as possible.
As far as what I want to do. I am torn because I have no proof that she is actually seeing him. I suspect it. If she is then a seperation is what I want and will have. If she wants him that bad and he wants her then he can deal with her menopause and possible lack of interest is s.

In what ways?

Checking her cell phone. The cell phone statements on line. Going to the om's place and his friends house to see if she is there. But yesterday I had to pick up my son from school and put new wheel bearings in my car which I believe she took advantage of. She was supposed to out getting policies signed which she did but I am pretty sure she didn't have any in the om's town. If you have affordable ideas let me know. We are behind in all of our bills.

Checking her cell phone will avail you of little if she is back with OM. She could have another secret cell that you don't know about.

Spot checking OM's place (25 miles away, so that's probably not happening very often, right?) is a hit or miss.

Can you put a VAR in her car? Spend the money.

Can you arrange for her to be with you while you run errands? She should not have any opportunities for stretches of unaccounted-for time. And she should be totally fine with the idea of spending her spare time with you, doing whatever you're doing.

What's a var? Also I am at work and I have hour work 12 days. My work is 50 miles from home too. So that gives ample oppertunity to do what she pleases. Her jets will be cooled way down in 5 days in which 3 of those I have off.

Voice Activated Recorder. $60 will get you a good one. Spend the money. You'll be planting it in her car to record her conversations. Go to Radio Shack today and get one. We'll guide you in placement once you've got it.

Get this today.

I won't have a chance to do so for another day then I will be home until her surgery. Don't you think that might end it there? The doctor said no s for 6 to 8 weeks. I am sure the 1st 2 will be the roughest. Like I said she is getting everything removed. So menopause will set right away according to the docs. She will be out of commission for about 2 months. I would think this could be the final nail in the coffin for this affair but I won't hold my breath.
I confronted her about the money she took out in the OM's town and she said she was there seeing another client. Also that the om has left town. I know thing will never be normal again. I just hope it stablizes. From what they tell me her libido will be almost gone for a quite a while.

Also what do I use the recordings for. Divorce court?

forget it