Larry, where can I locate FDI? Is this a different website or what? In the mean time, I'll google it and see what happens.

Found it Larry, http://www.familydynamics.net/

If it is good enough for FDI, it is good enough.

I hear the sound of air coming out of the hole in the ego, maybe.

Larry

I think I'm going to give him an ultimatium. Counseling of some sort, can be his choice how and when. If he doesn't do it, I'm out. He needs to show me he is willing to get out of his comfort zone and be on the other side of the table.

Good path to redemption and compensation. Don't you feel better with a plan and a purpose? And the good thing is that if he follows where you lead, you both benefit. Maybe tell him this is one time to ask for directions or read the instruction manual.

Good show 26.

Larry

I printed up some of the material and questionnaires from this site, and we are completing/reading them today. I printed up Emotional Needs, 5 Steps to Romantic Love, Marital Problem Analysis,and the Recreational Enjoyment Inventory. He didn't even back talk or sigh when I asked him if he would go over the material. I can tell he probably really didn't want to, but he knows it's the best thing to do. It's funny because as I sit here, I hear him talking to another couple that is having martial problems. He's saying some of the things that I've read to him from this site and from the experience we've been through these past 7 months. Funny huh Larry??

Your husband senses the change in your attitude. And there has been a change. He has reached a point where he is coming out of the shell and willing to take a look. You did good!

Larry

Thanks Larry, the tough love you showed me really helped me out. We went to one of my favorite quite spots, with a lake view and all, rather romantic view. We went over the Emotional Needs questions. For the most part, our answers were the same, however there were some that were not. I did learn that he has a need for Admiration, and that's something that I've been short on since this whole A. But I am working on it as he is working on my #1 Emotional need, which is Honesty. We're doing pretty good, every now and then I have triggers, but he now understands how to deal with me during those moments. We'll do the other stuff another day. Didn't want to put too much on him in one day. He really impressed me with his patience with me. I admit there have been days when I just poke at him, try to push his buttons to see if I can break him. But, he sits and listen and gives me what I need to make it through that moment. My Husband really is a good man, right now I know I'm truly a handful.

26:

I am so very proud of you. You swallowed your pride and went to work. Oh my, that is just wonderful.

Larry

Yep, I admit........you were right and I was wrong. It was just so hard to hear at first. I didn't feel I should take the blame for anything, I felt I had a free ticket to beat him down verbally. Men don't like to be talked down, they like to be encouraged and I was doing the totally opposite. I felt justified in tell him how bad of a person he was for doing what he did. I probably called him every name in the book. I still say he deserved it, butttt, I should have handled alot of our conversatons differently. I was the one that kept the OW memory alive but constantly bringing her up. Check out my new thread

I will go find it.

Let me clarify something. I don't enjoy being right and you being wrong. In fact, you were not wrong, except in one scene, and that was it was past time to stop beating and start working. The betrayed are expected to engage in a few love busters along the way. Most do. It was very ok for you to paint his stupid sign and give it to him to carry in my opinion.

Then, calm. Venting does nothing except prolong the agony, continue the memories (as you say) and no work is done to restore and rebuild a new marriage on the wreck of the old one. I simply told you at the right time, a time when you were ready to listen. Remember at first you had no clue what I was talking about.

All credit to you. You listened, we spent a week or so discussing and you got it. I was simply the encouragement you needed to exercise your own common sense and decency. And you have spent the past few weeks and the past few days even, trying a new path. And you seem to like it.

Larry

Yes Larry, I do like it. It's really getting better. Now if I can just control the triggers/memories I'll be good. I do realize that, that part of it could take years as I do have a brian.