shadd'up Nal ... I don't work with stupid people, don't insult me

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and i feel alot of guilt too

Put your guilt into action, making positive changes in yourself.

that sounds great and all but i really beleive that she will not write in it

cant hurt to try though right ?

sorry i did not mean to insult you

next week was my plan and yes i can take the kids

Can't hurt to show her you are trying!
That's fo'shizzle. (I'm really old, by the way. Twice your age (almost, not quite). Which means I have the God-given right to annoy you as I see fit)

And, if wife has not returned the book in a week, ask her to give it back to you.
Then, wait 3-4 days, write again, and leave it at the house for her to discover.

Be a different man, and a better man, and a more attentive man, than you ever were before.

By the way, does wife have a favorite restaurant?
Can you get a gift certificate for her to eat at her favorite restaurant?

Love bank deposits Nal.
And, do not expect any positive responses from your wife, for awhile.
But, she IS noticing, I promise you.
What she is watching is consistency.
OK?

your going to make me cry at work i have become such a sap

fav resturant nope she just like to eat she greedy like me. lol

ok i am going to try this book thing going to buy 1 today

love bank deposits no positive responses for awhile hear you and i am listening

Nal,

I know this is overwhelming, but you CAN do this. There is a lot of information here, just go through it slowly. Baby Steps.

Pep's got you off to a good start. Think back to what you and your wife did when you were dating. You have to court your wife - for the rest of your lives. That is the key to a successful and love filled relationship.

The email was genius! You put a smile on her face. Do more of that!

Do get that bike, take care of yourself.

Finally, something you said earlier struck me.


This sounds like the behavior of a Freeloader. Here is a link that breaks down what a Freeloader is vs. a Renter and a Buyer.

You drifted through your marriage, with actions driven by whatever you felt like doing at the time. That will not sustain a healthy relationship. You gotta start thinking like a buyer.

I know this is a lot - and I know we jumped on you a bit. But we're on YOUR side here.

is it bad that she has suggested some 1 for me to date ?

baby steps ok i got you. i dont have access to a computer outside of work am i allowed to post my personal email here because i can check that from my blackberry

Umm . . . ?

Good news that she is working on forgiveness and not trying to feed her hurt feelings and keep her anger alive.

Understand why this is:

Your account in her love bank is negative. Below zero. You are in arrears.

It is going to take awhile to build the account up to zero.

Then it will take awhile to build it to somewhere positive.

Then it will take awhile to build it to the threshold of romantic love.

When your account in your wife's love bank is above that threshold, she will fall in love with you and find you irresistible.

Unfortunately here is what will happen then. You must be ready for this: your account will stay at that threshold for awhile. Any love busters you commit (like independent behavior, dishonesty, an angry outburst, a selfish demand) will cause your account to go down slightly, dipping below the threshold, and she will fall out of love.

This is very painful of her and will make her very fearful and tentative.

You will need to keep making MASSIVE, FREQUENT, REGULAR, DEPENDABLE, DAILY Love Bank deposits in order to shoot HIGH above the threshold for romantic love and STAY THERE! You will have to do this even during the time period where your balance is below zero (now) and when her balance is bouncing above and below the romantic love threshold (later) and during that time she might feel hurt and motivated to do hurtful things to you. You have to put your emotions, your Taker instinct, aside temporarily and keep making deposits.

Listen to Markos in this. He has coaxed his wife from withdrawal into working on their marriage. And by temporary, here, Markos doesn't mean a few hours, a few days, or even a few weeks. It could be a couple months before she recognizes the changes you've made, and actually believes them to be permanent. Think of it as a modified Plan A. I think Dr. H recommends men do this for up to 6 months.

Also, are you SURE your wife isn't in an affair? Have you snooped?

i am sure

I think that is very bad. It's a strong sign she may be in an affair. What she is doing is trying to keep the mirror from being shined onto her and try and make you look like the bad guy. Believe me, prior to my exWW's affair being outed, my ex pretty much told everyone that I was some psychopath to keep everyone from shining the mirror onto her.

NAL

You have been sure about a lot of things. And you have found that a lot things about which you are sure don't hold water. And you have been changing to meet the challenges to your thought processes before you arrived here to get help.

So do make sure, absolutely sure, your wife isn't having an affair.

Larry