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If you wouldn't mind answering some questions:
1. Did you want to end your A, but did not know how?
2. Did you fear that if you "dumped" OW, she would expose the A?
3. Did you hope OW would "dump" you?
4. Were you somehow relieved once the whole thing was out in the open?
Thank you very much!
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Great questions, curious about the answers myself. I will ask my husband these questions to see what his answers are and I'll post them. Hopefully I can get him to do this.
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
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Pep:
Yes
She DID
Wasn't gonna happen
Big Time
If you want you have to wait...
LG
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I asked him and here are his answers.
Yes, of course I wanted to end the A but didn't know how.
Yes I was afraid that if I dumped her she would tell everyone.
Yes I did hope the OW would have dumped me.
Yes I was relieved when the A was out in the open.
"Never get in a bed if your name isn't written on it"
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Hi Pepper,
Just was catching up on answering some posts and saw yours.
Perhaps this is unfair of me to comment on since I have not had an affair as such. I had an infatuation for a collegue a long time ago who was divorced. When I finally got up the courage to ask her out to lunch and we went, on the way back to work she asked me about my wife because she knew I was married. That was enough to remind me that I was doing wrong. So I would hope for #3.
Tom
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Pep:
Is there someplace you are going with this?
LG
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Apparently no where fast. HEHEHE.
It is an interesting thought however. I am curious myself to get a peek into the FWH's mind. I wonder if it is different when you are talking to a FWH than a current one.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Scot:
Can I introduce you to Mr. NotRomeo?
LG
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Oh I already met him/her whatever. I was here for that one. I thought it was a bit of a consensus that NotRomeo was a pretend person.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Scot:
I don't think he was a "pretend" person. He was just wayward.
There is enough moderation here to track down the spoofer's and double posters pretty easily. And I haven't seen that in this case (unless I missed it...)
If you can't tell the difference between a FWH and a WH, then they are probably still wayward.
LG
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I meant would a WH answer these questions differently than a FWH. Do you think that at the height of your A, not now, that you were thinking these things? I guess we would never know the truth because you are not foggy anymore.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Scot:
I was thinking those thoughts, after I had been in it for a while...
I referenced it sorta like and "old shoe" on my thread.
LG
Last edited by lousygolfer; 04/10/10 09:19 PM.
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Apparently no where fast. HEHEHE.
I went to see an actual doctor yesterday.
I try really hard not to go to the doctor.
(typical provider)
I went to walk in.
Turns out, the MD I saw is the husband to one of my FB friends.
It was all good. (I'm medicated to the gills)
It is an interesting thought however. I am curious myself to get a peek into the FWH's mind. I wonder if it is different when you are talking to a FWH than a current one.
That pissed me off, naturally, since I was convinced I would never smile, ever again. (doh !  )
He told me, right after D day, "I feel so relieved."
He also said, "I wanted to end it but did not know how." (my response? "Liar !")
It wasn't until later, on this forum, where I learned he was not a liar when he said that. It is typical for the WH to want to end it. To fear the OW a little.
And to feel relief when it is finally over.
It takes a lot of energy to live a lie.
I just wanted to ask these questions, to see what responses I'd get.
I'm not really up to anything.
Posting in my PJs and a goose down vest jacket 
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Have you ever sat in the doctor's waiting room and had people change seats so as NOT to sit next to you?
Awesome power! 
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Pep
As applies to WW:
1. Did you want to end your A, but did not know how?
Answer from WW: Felt as if she were in a trap she created for herself with no way out. No reset button.
2. Did you fear that if you "dumped" OW, she would expose the A?
Answer from WW: Great fear! Didn't know what to do.
3. Did you hope OW would "dump" you?
Answer from WW: Fear that OM wouldn't dump her. Had put herself into a box with 8 sides and no lid.
4. Were you somehow relieved once the whole thing was out in the open?
Answer: Oh yes! And that you (me) finally woke up and gave her some direction and choices that made sense. Would probably have gone the OM route except it would destroy the kids. And yes, probably her as well. Infatuation was strong.
Larry
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1. Did you want to end your A, but did not know how?
Answer from WW: Felt as if she were in a trap she created for herself with no way out. No reset button. 2. Did you fear that if you "dumped" OW, she would expose the A?
Answer from WW: Great fear! Didn't know what to do. 3. Did you hope OW would "dump" you?
Answer from WW: Fear that OM wouldn't dump her. Had put herself into a box with 8 sides and no lid.
WW are usually more emotionally invested than the OM.
I doubt she thought that during the A. 
4. Were you somehow relieved once the whole thing was out in the open?
Answer: Oh yes! And that you (me) finally woke up and gave her some direction and choices that made sense. Would probably have gone the OM route except it would destroy the kids. And yes, probably her as well. Infatuation was strong.
Don't tell her I said this. It isn't necessary. 
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Pep
As applies to WW:
1. Did you want to end your A, but did not know how?
Answer from WW: Felt as if she were in a trap she created for herself with no way out. No reset button.
2. Did you fear that if you "dumped" OW, she would expose the A?
Answer from WW: Great fear! Didn't know what to do.
3. Did you hope OW would "dump" you?
Answer from WW: Fear that OM wouldn't dump her. Had put herself into a box with 8 sides and no lid.
4. Were you somehow relieved once the whole thing was out in the open?
Answer: Oh yes! And that you (me) finally woke up and gave her some direction and choices that made sense. Would probably have gone the OM route except it would destroy the kids. And yes, probably her as well. Infatuation was strong.
Larry I thought this thread was about FWH answers...Larry, it's my understanding that you are a FWH yourself - Why not answer from that perspective? Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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I thought this thread was about FWH answers...Larry, it's my understanding that you are a FWH yourself - Why not answer from that perspective?
Mrs. W
You're correct!
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I thought this thread was about FWH answers...Larry, it's my understanding that you are a FWH yourself - Why not answer from that perspective?
Mrs. W
You're correct!Just out of curiosity, and to help my learning, what questions would you have asked of a WW. Is there a difference between WH and WW? Larry
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And to answer MrsW's question, it was an ONS many decades ago during withdrawal/divorce. No exposure, but it did lead to a personal examination and change in my honor system.
Larry
Last edited by _Larry_; 04/11/10 12:01 PM.
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