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I agree. Put it to her this way, "I was posting on this forum, Marriage builders. There are a lot of people on there who are trying to save their Marriage after adultery. There are a lot of people on there who are the ones who have been betrayed. It seems to help. Would you consider joining? I wouldn't read what you write and you don't have to make any decisions about recovery or not."
Well, you get the gist.
So where are you in all of the reading? I know that it is basically a how to guide for betrayed spouses but I think that WS can also benefit.
Have you read anyone else's threads?
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Oh yes, I've been on here reading for weeks now. looking for ways to help her heal. All the articles, and LOTS of threads. I've gone back to page 85 or 86.
FWH-39
BW-30
Married Oct. '03
D-Day 12-01-09
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Well her dad just found out a couple weeks ago, (4 months after the fact)about all the deception, and crazy plans we had concocted.
Now while she's past the pissed off stage, and thinking about maybe giving it another shot...He's PISSED, and calling her a Effing idiot if she gets back with me etc. Ugh. I really hate it when people get involved in things that are not their issue! My whole fam knew about the A from me, but have supported me in my reconciliation with H because they know he was being an idiot and not himself. I can understand your W's fears/dad's fears about relapse, but you seem sincere in your attempts to reunite your fam... W's dad needs to butt out overall in my opinion. Don't know if it would help, don't know much about the dynamic between you and your FIL, but would you talking to him, explaining that you are completely sincere and working to rebuild/affair-proof the marriage help??? just a thought...
AnnaBelle Rose
Me: 29 WH:31 DS: 22mths M: almost 6 years, together 7 1/2
I am not a mistake. - ABR
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Well again, I tried calling him, no answer. Went to his house he didn't come to the door, He was home.
I wrote him a letter today as suggested earlier. Haven't delivered it. My wife asked me NOT to talk to him because he can't be reasoned with, and holds grudges forever. Example: He will not be in the same general vicinity as my wifes mother. They divorced when she was young. He always picked her up and dropped her off at the road. He's missed his daughters wedding, granddaughters birth, birthday parties....everything.
FWH-39
BW-30
Married Oct. '03
D-Day 12-01-09
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Okay, if your wife doesn't want you to try to talk to him, then don't do it. Hold the letter too.
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Oh  Well after I read what I wrote and realized who I was talking about....talking to him won't do any good anyway I don't think.
FWH-39
BW-30
Married Oct. '03
D-Day 12-01-09
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Haven't delivered it. My wife asked me NOT to talk to him because he can't be reasoned with, and holds grudges forever. Example: He will not be in the same general vicinity as my wifes mother. You know, my mother and sister were furious at my husband when he had his affair, but they have forgiven him over time after he apologized. I would send him that letter if I were you. I think you do understand that family members are very hurt by affairs too, and that is good that you recognize that.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Yeah, I don't know. Did you read that he didn't even come to our wedding, or daughters birth or anything because his ex-wife would be there? He's a very unreasonable person. Her mother, Aunt, Grandmother are all for us working things out. He just has the most influence over her.
FWH-39
BW-30
Married Oct. '03
D-Day 12-01-09
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Sad that he has such influence over her.... not a good thing, since he doesn't seem to be supportive of marriage in general from what you have said.  I still say keep doing what you're doing... hopefully the women in her family will get through to her more than her dad...
AnnaBelle Rose
Me: 29 WH:31 DS: 22mths M: almost 6 years, together 7 1/2
I am not a mistake. - ABR
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