Thanks for those great words!! You have a way of making me feel like things are OK and can be OK with or without WH. (God I pray that WH stops being stupid and this person that he is pretending to be. I know who the real WH is and this is not him!!)

OK, I will try to take all the compliments in, hold onto them and continue to make me the real me that I want to be from here on out!! My mom said that she would buy me some new capris that fit so I can start feeling good in the clothes I wear and not have to make sure they don't fall off.

Don't know exactly why, but today has been an incredibly hard day. I am wondering my empty house feeling extremely lonely and sad. All I want to do is cry. WH is at the station today which means he's not with OW. Kids are still with my parents in North Carolina. Thank goodness I have drum circle tonight. That will keep me occupied for a couple of hours. First time at the church since our Pastor left. Have to plan the first service music since Pastor left. Not helping with the sadness, loneliness, and broken heart.

Oh well, didn't have anyone else to share with so thought I would post here.

You're not alone out here.

I have been having a couple of "off" days. I don't know what I would do without the routine of the kids to keep me busy.

Take some time out for you and have a little FUN.

BTW, I bought my first pair of jeans in 8 years today. I am PUMPED about that.

Keep on keeping on. Sometimes when I feel down, I make a 'grateful list'. What am I grateful for today? It is so easy for us to focus on all the negatives in our lives given the current situation. It helps a lot to remember and think about the positives too.

Do something nice for yourself this weekend.

Hate to NAG my dear, but it has been TWO MONTHS since you started this thread, and you still haven't found out who the OW is. You need to stop wandering around the house and get busy.

Yesterday, I drove through and waited at the apartments that my DS showed me when my WH took them. It was in the evening, but he must have been mowing yards until later than I stayed. I looked through all the directory of people that work at the station and at the other city offices for anyone that might be possible for him to have an A with. I did google searches on each of those people, but did not find anyone that I thought could be OW. Looked up addresses, divorces, etc. My mom gets back on Sunday and the first time at the beginning of the week that we can, my mom is going to follow him.

Will try again on Sunday to check out the apartments. Don't know what he has going on, but don't know that he works.

That's great about the jeans. Enjoy them. Sold some of the kids old clothes at a re-sale shop and got about $35 for them. The routine of the kids definitely does help things out, but won't have that until Sunday again.

Don't know what to do for fun. I get to work tomorrow and see clients so will be occupied most of the day. Evening will be the hardest thing tomorrow.

Is there maybe a funny movie that you would love to see?

I've only paid attention to the ones the kids might want to see. Will need to look and see if there is anything out there for me.

That's it you have to take a little time out for YOU. Like when the airlines remind mothers to put the oxygen mask on themselves FIRST and then their children. You can't help someone else until you take care of yourself first. Find out who PFM2 is and wants to be. That is what you have to do(as well as find out about OW).

Last night WH came over and told me he wanted a divorce. He said he did not want to discuss any of the reasons why and just wanted to know what I wanted to do about the house. He told me I could take a week to figure out what I wanted. He said he had talked to an attorney about divorce, but had not filed anything yet.

Of course, I lost it. I kept trying to talk to him about anything, find out who OW was, where he was living, etc. He responded to who OW was with giving me a first name and told me that I would find out soon enough. He did tell me the apartment complex that he was staying at. At one point I was standing up and raising my voice to him. He stood up also and then told me to sit down. I of course responded by saying no and he ended up sitting back down first. I am sure that I screwed everything up with this last night.

I don't know what the sudden urgency is in wanting a divorce. He said he talked to an attorney and they wanted a $1500 retainer fee and he thinks this is all that is going to cost him for the divorce. I don't know the cost because I haven't checked into it.

After he left, I called his mom and sister because my mom was in a care traveling back from North Carolina with my children, my dad, and my grandmother and that would not have been a good thing for her. I don't even know what to tell her or when. A little bit after he left, WH called me to check on me and make sure that I was OK. Towards the end of our conversation, I told him the good news that I had gotten (not that I could even celebrate it with what he did to me) about scoring 197 out of 200 on one of my teaching license tests. He told me about how proud he was of me.

MIL stayed the night with me and we actually drove to the apartments where he said he was living and found his truck. I know where he is staying but not which specific apartment it is. I tried to google the three addresses and only came across one possible name that matches up with what he has told me, but the spelling is off from what he has written and the age is off of what he has told both his mom and I. How do I get more confirming information about who she is in order to expose. I wonder if he is not giving me that information because OW's divorce is not completely final and she might lose something if her H knew about anything.

How bad did I screw up and what do I do from here?????? I have convinced him to wait until summer for the kids sake in order to not have problems with school.

So sorry that happened. You did just fine.

I would do some online searching for the name hubby gave you and the name of the occupant of the apartment. Google them, check pipl, whoozy, intelius, etc.

And good for you on your score!

I don't think you did so bad.

If he mentions D again, just respond "I don't want a D, I want a better, thriving marriage with you" (Even if you don't any given day it keeps doors open from your side).

Yay on finding the apartment location and hopefully you WILL get the OW's identity fairly soon. However you do learn of it....do not despair or let jealousy of the idea of her get you too worked up.

The jealousy of her does not bother me. It actually ticks me off because I don't understand the hold OW has on WH.

This morning after I woke up after a few hours of sleep and on and off all evening I talked with MIL. We decided to call my mom and have her come over this morning since they were back and at their house. She came over and we shared everything that was going on and had been going on since last night. My mom was actually afraid that WH had killed himself and that was the problem. She was relieved with this because we can work on what we found out whether it comes out good or bad.

My mom and MIL talked quite a bit and discussed where I should go from here. All of us agreed that we needed to contact an attorney to find out my rights and do what I need to to protect the kids and I from OW's grip on WH. I've been doing a lot of research online to try to find out anything that I can. The names that come up on the computer searches don't match up with what I am pretty sure are the truths about OW. I do believe she is older because I know WH does not want any more kids and that would fit with someone that is older, has kids in college, etc.

His mom is really mad but I just can't seem to get her to contact WH and try to get info. I know more info about her and the situation than she does and that is just from what WH has really been telling me and not the extra info I have possibly found on the internet.

My mom contacted a friend who went through a divorce and had a really good attorney and she is going to try and contact the attorney to set up an appointment for me to sit down and find out my rights as of now, before the divorce even happens. I don't know the expense and time frame for a divorce, but WH said he talked to an attorney and they stated they would need a $1500 retainer fee. I think WH is under the impression that it won't cost more or much more than that. I am thinking that that might be if I was willing to roll over and not fight him on issues (I love using that word since WH hates that word ).

I don't know if he plans on giving me whatever I ask for and not try to fight it. Both my mom and his mom believe that he is purposely trying to make me mad at him. We don't know if it is because he wants me to make the first move, he is trying to protect me from some part of his mistake that he thinks I can't handle, or what his reasoning is. I agree that he is trying to make me mad, but the confusing part is for him to call me shortly afterward to make sure that I am OK and then praising me for my test scores.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, back to planning poetry lessons for 7th grade boys with emotional and behavioral disabilities.

Things You Don't Need to Know

Don't test a rattlesnake's rattle.
Don't count the teeth of a shark.
Don't stick your head in the mouth of a bulldog
to find out what's making him bark.

Don't count the stripes on a tiger.
Don't squeeze an elephant's trunk.
Don't pet the scales of a boa constrictor
and don't lift the tail of a skunk.

Don't study spots on a leopard.
Don't check the charge of an eel.
Don't pull the claws on a grizzly bear's paws
regardless of how brave you feel.

Don't pull a porcupine's whiskers.
Don't touch a crocodile's toe.
Learn all you like, but try not to forget:
there are some things you don't need to know.

--Kenn Nesbitt

I like it. I think I will use it as an example and have the students write their own versions of it for their personal lives!!! Thanks.

HI Prayerful,
I have been reading your thread but held back any comment due to the excellent job you have been doing and the great advice you've been getting.
I just wanted you to know that this IS a tug of war..the "good" has been kicking butt for a LONG time... now the "bad" has pulled back. This is what happens...

Not to worry...somehow the OW has gotten her foot back in the door... Your husband seemed VERY close to ending it.. she knew this and pulled him back... Probably by threats.... Here are some of the ones I've heard.

1) I'll kill myself if you leave
2)I'll tell you wife EVERYTHING and she will hate you and never want you anyway
3)She will guilt you back and you will be totally unhappy the rest of you life because she will NEVER let you forget this.
4)It's better for the kids than living with parents that don't love each other and fight all the time do it for them.
Etc... etc... You get the idea... just keep on stalling the divorce and continue with your Plan "A"...not to much longer till you go dark dark dark in Plan "B"...YOU CAN DO THIS!!


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Also check your local libraries to see if they carry Haines Directories. It's a subscription book service that lists addresses and residents.

Do you have any friends or acquaintances who are real estate agents? Their company may have a Haines Directory they can loan you.

The third one that you mentioned sounds like it is highly likely because he has on several occasions made mention of the fact that we would have too many bad days.

I had said something to him at one point that it is possible to heal the marriage and that many people have and are healthier and happier than they have ever been before. He asked me if I had done any research on how many were not happier. Leads me to believe that number 3 is what is going on. Also, OW (or as the attorney referred to her "the black horse" for him) told him (per what he told me) that she had an affair and was guilted to stay in her marriage and was unhappy for years.