Wow-I don't really know how to begin...

Will try to keep it brief and ask my question...

20yr marriage, WH had an affair with former girlfriend after attending HSReunion. OW wants nothing to do with "ending his marriage" Loves her life and thinks he shd work on his marriage. Special isn't she!!!!!

WAY to much to tell has been uncoverd, 2 counselors and preacher all agree I can't chg him and D is best for my daughter and me. She is in total agreement as are my family and 3 close couples who know all the details.

10 months now into this farse of "giving him time to sort out his feelings" I know from phone records and when confronted he admits to still talking to her, "she is his only friend it is just friendship" I am going on with the D, he doesn't want it and thinks we shd just stay married and see what happens, etc.

Is it to late to expose the A to her family?

I am being counselled that exposure could be the only last chance I have at saving my mariage. I honestly don't feel there is anything left to save.

What are your opinions?

What is it that you want to do? Are you on the D route? Have you read everything you can on here, starting with the most popular links on the right and the basic concepts?

Well, you need to do a very good Plan A. Show him what a great wife you could be and expose the affair.

After you do a good Plan A, then it will be time to go to Plan B.

Don't pay any attention to what your counselors/pastors say, because your situation is very hopeful.

cars, exposure is the most powerful weapon I know of against an affair. While there are no guarantees, exposure can be ruinous to an affair. It is like bringing in a crowd of people into the crack house to watch the crackheads get high. It is no fun to get high when everyone is looking on in horror and disgust! It ruins the fantasy!

You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. I would expose this affair everywhere, to the OW's family, her facebook friends, your family, his family, everywhere. Do a nuclear exposure in one day to get the maximum effect. And then wait a couple of weeks while the affair goes into a free fall and go into a dark as night Plan B. That is your best chance, IMO.

Sorry you are here.

I 1000% agree with ML.

Not only have I seen exposure work in my own sitch ~ but also my sister's.

On the flip side, I have personally seen a friend refuse to expose and go to Plan B and she has basically enabled the A and it hasn't ended.

Even if I were 99% sure I were going the D route, I would still expose because IMO there are many benefits and like Mel said, nothing to lose.

Let us know if you have more questions. Hang in there!

DO NOT WARN WH that you are going to expose!!!
Do it all at once (don't "trickle" expose).
Prepare for him to be really REALLY mad. His anger is a good thing. It means you've made a dent into his little fantasy world.

--Exposure targets
Anyone with influence over your WS or the marriage. WS' parents, siblings, best friend, children if they're over 4. OP's siblings, parents, spouse. Your priest or similar if you're religious. Their employer if they work together. Work exposure should be done *in writing* to the head of HR, the CEO, and WS' boss. All of them should know the others were copied; this makes it harder for them to toss the letter into the trash and forget about it.

--Exposure message
Use a formal letter for work exposure. Everything else is short and sweet: "OP and WS are having an affair. I love WS and I am committed to doing whatever it takes to repair our marriage and make it better than ever. I'd appreciate any advice you might have." The exposure message is not vengeful; it is a message of love.

--No warning
Do NOT threaten to expose, do not tell WS you're going to expose. Just do it. If WS has advance warning, they will tell their friends and family "We are having trouble in our marriage. BS is controlling and angry. BS won't talk to me, won't listen to me. BS is possessive and jealous, and accuses me of insane things. Sometimes I'm scared for my physical well-being, (s(s))he's changed that much. Thank goodness I have friends to talk to, otherwise I don't think I could bear the abuse. OP has been especially helpful in offering insights into how a member of the opposite sex would see things. I just hope we can make it but I'm not sure we can." How do you think your exposure is going to sound after an oscar winning performance like that?

--Exposure after-effects
Your WS is going to be furious. You will hear predictable things like "I can never trust you again. I was going to dump OP and reconcile but you've blown any chance of that. I hate you. I'm filing for D." Don't EVEN pay attention to this stuff. Your WS is just angry because the super-fun super-secret affair is suddenly looking downright tawdry and the fun is turning into a nightmare. Just ignore most of it. If your WS tries to talk about divorce, say "I don't do divorce, I do marriage." Then change the subject. If your WS tries to pick a fight, tell them you'd very much like to discuss things when you can both be calm and rational, and leave the room if you have to. If she says things like "How could you do this?!" tell her you'll do whatever it takes to save your marriage.

Here ya go:

Dr Harley on Exposure