Hi You,

I know in past I have disrespected you and others here by my rant. You have been kind enough to forgive me.

Char and I are doing well, and tomorrow I am taking her to assisted living facility to apply.

Most importantly dear lady, and I ask this of you in all kindness and love, could you get your butt online, whenever convenient, with your knowlege of the MB principles, and address NLG with as much love and support as you can. I have already posted to pepper, larry, and opt.

Thank you,

Tom

Ummm Tom. As I am NOT MelodyLane, I can not speak for her. I have been on NLG's thread. Have you read the WHOLE thread? ML and Pep have already commented on it. It is hard to help someone who will not do anything to help themselves.

Harsh but true. If and when NLG signs on to MB concepts and has some valid questions in regards to MB, I think NLG will receive the help that is out there for anyone willing to work at it.

Thanx

...

Scot,

Yes I have. I just I guess feel he is a lost soul at this time, but willing to accept help. That is all that is important. No reservations. If I am wrong then I must be stupid, even in the eyes of God.

Have you read NLG's most recent posts?\

Maybe we need to each of us just simply extend ourselves.

Then, I leave NGL in your hands.

Thanks,

Tom

Pardon me for being presumptuous, Tom, but why don't YOU help him?

I have found that one of the best ways to learn and incorporate MB principles into one's life is by passing them on to others.

There is no doubt that your life is very busy and complicated. I understand that. But perhaps if you "lit the fuse" maybe NLG would respond and that in turn would get others involved.

Just a thought.

God bless.

((raising hand))

Link to NLG's thread?

Vibrissa,

Okay, I will confess that I am pretty much a push over as far as helping others is concerned, and maybe I let that cloud my judgemnet as far as trying to help others. I don't care right now in this stage of my life and I'm not complaining.

The only thing I can see Vibrissa is that this guy is now asking for help according to his most recent posts, and he simply deserves a second chance. Maybe I should not have posted him with my comments, but I did, and not damn well yes I do feel responsible for at least some advice and encouragement.

Vibrissa, I don't think I am as dumb and as soft hearted as my wife has thought..*s*.. but I will tell you this. She would understand my feelings, and also that I simply had to do this... to get the best here, at least to listen to him. We all deserve a second, third, fourth, etc, chance from God, right?

Thanks, Vibrissa, good thoughts, but I need to express what I feel I need to.

Tom

Tom, i am glad to hear you and Char are getting on so well.

I already posted to that guy and so did several others and he didn't listen to a word we said. I gave up on him. He has his own agenda and I think he is just here for validation to keep making the same mistakes. Heck, this is a guy who won't even do the most basic things to help himself, such as exposure. I can't help someone who won't lift a finger to help himself.

I have only limited time on here every day so I make it a point to post to ppl who really want help. But I can't help someone if they don't want help.

Hi Fred,

You are simply right.

Is was presummptious on me to call on others here, only from the standpoint that I am Not an MB expert. I am a life expert of course, the same as you.

Only replying because I felt bad for him, but I in no way want this to get out of hand.

Fred, I can't do much not..need to get to bed soon and take Char to apply for the new facility tomorrow, but I guarantee you that as soon as I can I will talk to NLG.

And simply you're right. By sharing me with him I will hope to learn. It's scary tho because I'm still trudging thru with Char. I am so hoping the best for her tomorrow.

Thanks Fred,

Tom

Tom,
I misunderstood who you were talking about - I haven't read NLG's thread. However I will second others' thoughts and say the best thing you can do is help where you can.

At some point, though, there is only so much you can do- all we can offer is words, actions have to happen on the other end of our screen.

I totally get you on having a soft spot for people that need help. It's so hard to see someone else struggling, and know you could help them; but you can't do it for them. I've had to learn, posting here, that sometimes I need to emotionally distance myself. It's so easy to get caught up in other people's pain and troubles. It's not a bad thing - empathy. But you gotta know where to draw the line.

I looked @ NLG's thread.

NLG seemed to be learning about 2 plans at the same time - Marriage Builders & Divorce Busters and he got confused. Plus he was very afraid of losing his wife. His fear kept him from using EXPOSURE to start the Recovery Process. He seemed to think that EXPOSURE would push his wife away forever because she'd be angry abot being exposed to friends & family. (I know the feeling because when I first thought about whether I had a Wayward H I feared his possible angry reaction if I would be required to EXPOSE.)

NLG seemed to be trying to use "reason" and a Doormat Plan with his WW.

Every single person here has fear. We have had BS's vomit their guts up, cry and shake with fear, when they exposed the affair. But they did what needed to be done. And they saved their marriages.

A BS can either put it aside and work the plan or they can choose to remain paralyzed. Its all a matter of choice. If they choose the latter, there is nothing anyone here can do. We can't force someone to help themselves against their will.

True.

And eventually you have to decide what it is you really want and then acknowledge that your emotions may work against you getting what you want - so you have to then make a conscious effort to think logically about how you're going to achieve what you want and not let your emotions continue to control your actions and responses to the situation...especially when you have access to a tried and true plan which contains portions that seem to be counterintuitive.

Easier said than done.

I believe that NLG essentailly enabled the continuation of his WW's affair because he was afraid to go with a logical + tried and true course of action.

BTW - did you see my kung fu?
I installed the EBlaster!

good girl!

Now this is a POSSIBLE BS taking the bull by the horns and helping themselves.

Well, the question I had is still: How long do I snoop? How long do I leave the EBlaster on the PC? The license is good for a year...

As long as you want!

Hopefully for you...there will come a point in your recovery (from the brink of divorce) where you'll be able to freely share the fact you snooped on him and he'll understand (just as I hope you'd understand today if he was snooping you).

Might be a year out or so...but you'll know and considering you one day want to POJA porn use...you'll likely be able to POJA leaving the password protected keylogger in place as his "accountability" partner. (there is a website that has a porn accountability program that sends email reports of sexually explicit websites visited that you can sign up for an install free... I think it's a xxxchurch or something like that).

Mr. W