I will leave it up to MiM and Betrayed to chime in with their version of the bad trip.

My opinion is that it is very ok to take both paths. Try to kill the affair and restore the marriage. At the same time plan and execute for the real possibility that won't work.

If you devote all of your efforts to Plan A, you might be allowing yourself to get set up for what I said. And what MiM and Betrayed said. I keep repeating their names for a reason.

The validation of this method of dual path recovery/divorce needs as much input as possible to provide good advice for those who would attempt to do it. And way many ideas of how to do it.

Larry

Right now he needs a plan. And that is to continue snooping and then expose the affair. The MB plan will work for recovery, and if not, a better life.

He has lots of time to decide whether to stay married or not.

Based on what I've read so far, I have great concern for NW in his situation. Based on the level of deceit that's apparently happening, his WW has likely already taken steps to ensure that she emerges at considerable advantage in the event that they part, and is likely planning for exactly that event.

Contrary to what some others have suggested here though, I'd suggest not bothering to expose to OM's friends via FB - given the situation and the apparent length of this A, he's likely flaunting his relationship with NW's WW amongst his friends already. To be honest, my suggestion would be to gather as much damning evidence about the A as possible as possible, execute plans to emerge from D with as much advantage as possible, and then proceed directly to D with no warning to WW. THAT approach might wake WW out of drug-induced stupor, but I wouldn't bet on it.

She might notice, but what's she gonna do? Ask you if you've seen her sexy new (stained) panties that she had stashed in her purse and tried to hide in the hamper?

Besides, maybe a wayward could use a taste of their own medicine in the form of some crazymaking!!! Let her wonder what in the heck happened to them!

I can totally relate to your desperation and need to know the truth, so please have them tested!

Interesting observation. I think I agree.

Larry

I like it, but I think this will only work if NW can successfully answer deceptively if his WW asks him if he saw her panties anywhere.

His response: "No, but "named OM Here" DID.

LG

Haha, I love it LG!

Guess who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar (purse) !!

NW should just collect the panties and have them tested.

If shes busted, shes busted.

If they test positive, shes busted.

If she ASKS, shes busted.

She has been covering this up so long that she thinks shes Jane Bond.

She has gotten lazy.

When she can't find her panties:

She WILL call OM and tell him. "OMG, I think NW has my panties from yesterday, I need to avoid you for a couple of days and see what he does...!"

And then you have what you need.


LG

If the OM has been around for a long time, it is likely that he is married. I vote for exposure.

NW:

You don't need a PI now. You just need to know the next day she leaves at 3:30.

And you can travel to the parking garage and introduce yourself.

Pretty damning evidence at that time, don't you think?

LG

I think all of you are on the mark!

1. I want to save and build this marriage. For many reasons but I think you can figure them out.

2. I will not fight for a doomed marriage/woman.

3. The endorphin thing is very interesting, and I think you are right Larry. I hope that this is something that can be resolved an/or addressed.

4. I will definately expose. I have the tools, determination, and nothing to loose.

Take a camera and a large friend with you.

And please make sure you protect yourself just in case. Doesn't hurt and might save your bacon down the road. You cannot see your future through the lens of hope, only the real world of possibilities.

Larry

IMO that is likely to turn out badly. Like a RO being filed against NW for trumped-up "abuse" charges or because she is "scared" when he's around. We're dealing with an active and devious WW here, and she should not be underestimated.

That's why he brings a friend, and as a minimum, has a VAR in his pocket recording what is going on.

He can go by the parking garage and see if they have any security camera tapes also. She might already be on film. If not with bum in air, then at least exiting her car and entering OM's, and the requisite kiss goodbye before she leaves.

LG

So I went downstairs to check out her purse looking for a parking garrage receipt, cell phone, and general snooping.

She heard me, appearantly she can't sleep as well!!!

WW: What are you doing?
NW: Lookin through your purse.
WW: Why?
NW: No response.
WW: I can't believe....I would never...I have never...foggggggg.
NW: What are you hiding?
WW: NOTHING!!
NW: Ok.
WW: Why..I can't believe...fogggggggggggggggg

I then proceded to lay out her plan for to leave as I see it and my reasoning of it, "that is why I was snooping." I then told her that I will not support her in ANY way and that I would not let her take ANYTHING from this house, esp NW5.

WW: So we're getting dirty? I can't believe that you would hold NW5 over my head!
NW: No, you ae the one who wants to leave and I will not let you take NW5 away from me. How are you going to pay for everything? I own the loan for your car, that's $300.00, insurance is $100.00, not to mention everything that you will need for NW5, and the apartment. Have you thought about that?
WW: ......yes, I can do it (alot of doubt in her voice here).
NW: Ok.
WW: I can't believe that you are doing this to me (she starts to cry, I'm not buying it)!!!!
NW: You are doing it to yourself, I not forcing you to leave, I want you to stay and work on our marriage.
WW: You say that you think I'm being selfish, this is the only time in my life that I am doing something for myself!
NW: I really admire you for everything that you did while I was away. You are awesome for taking care of NW5 and the house and the dog, etc.....
WW: Then why don;t you just let me go?
NW: You can, I'm not stopping you.

Silence......3min.........her palm on her forhead in deep thought.

NW: Remeber the good ole' time when we had the spaghetti fight? Remember this remeber that.......

Silence....4min..........her palm on her forhead in deep thought.

NW: I still have love for you.

Silence....4min..........her palm on her forhead in deep thought.

NW: We can work through all of this.
WW: I'm going to bed, goodnight.
NW: Good night sweetie, I love you.

That was the gist of it, I'm sure that I missed some stuff. All because I got caught with her purse. Needless to say she took her purse back to bed with her.

A $100 bill goes a long way with people who work for minimum wage in a parking garage. That would be preferred to a confrontation. And I just had the thought that a confrontation would almost certainly lead to divorce, which NW is nowhere ready for yet.

Larry

OUCH! Well, I have given you my advice. See no reason to repeat myself.

Larry

Thank you all tonight!

I am feeling pretty good right now which is a complete 180 from earlier. I know that my emotions are on a roller coaster ride and will be for a while.

But tonight I think that I can sleep, thank you..

Well, she knows you're looking. If you are going to test those panties, you have to get them now! That silent treatment deep in thought could have been think about what you could know now and covering her tracks.

I the FB thing, I'm not sure I would contact all of his friend but I don't know too many people that don't have family members in their friends list. I would contact anyone that has his last name. Sooner or later, that informatiion is gonna get back to Mom and Dad and I'm not too sure they're gonna be proud of a son that's sleeping with a married woman and breaking up a family. Just my two cents!