I just wonder about the damage my spouse has<BR>done to her soul in regards to our relationship. With out going into details I believe If I died tomorrow she wouldn't care one bit - in fact I think she would be relieved.(There have been too many things that she has said and did since the innicent/affair that back up my belief) <P>I guess my question is "Do people who commit adultry in effect KILL their spouse in the heart of hearts of their souls?" <P>And my other related question is " Can a person really break soul ties with a person they have commited adultry with? According to scripture if you have intercourse with somone you become "ONE" with them. If a wife has intercourse with someone who is not their husband they become "ONE" with that person whether they like it or not. Their soul ties with their husband become damaged and probably, for all practical purposes, dead. <P>I really wonder if my wife is going through the motions with me? The motions of a repented adulteeress, but in her heart of hearts I am in fact dead to her to which she won't admit?<P>Some times I really wonder, and I wish I knew if this was the case because with God all things are possible and maybe there is something I could do to help her in this area.I mean God is a God who has been known to raise the dead !

HHH,<BR>I looked for your profile but you don't have anything posted. I don't know how long its been since your W affair. I don't know what led to it or how truly repentant she is. I do know, however, that it is possible to be sooo Fully repentant that your willing to give up your life to take it back. How do I know? Because I was once where your W is now. Yes, I betrayed my H. It was very brief and I was in an extremem state of emotional turmoil and darkness at the time. Do I think I became one with the OM-no way! I think it was a horrible mistake that was made in a very confusing and dark time for me. (unfotunately, my H was in a neclect mode then and not there for me). At any rate, I can't stand the thought of OM. God makes all things new and if your W is truly repentant and has sought forgivenss, God doesn't even remember her sin. You ever read Hosea? God told this man to buy his W back out of slavery (this after, she prostituted herself and even bore two children which were not his).<P>I know during my time of darkness, I could see nothing but my own pain and confusion. I knew I had hurt my H and was screwing up my life and hated myself. This led me to say and do very hurtful and selfish things to my H-all which I regret more than I can convey to you. Maybe this is the case with your W. Her guilt may make it extememly difficult for her to respond to you right now like she should. I think I was trying to make him hate me so it would be easier on him. I felt I did not deserve him. My betrayal did not kill him in my heart-it killed me because of what I had done. I love my H more than anything in this world-and the thought that I could have lost him gives me the same chills that almost drowning as child does. <BR> now I am the betrayed. My H affair was emotional and invovled no sex-yet he felt more soul tied to her than I ever did to om--not even a kiss-but there was a time when he felt she was his soul mate and that God had brought her into his life.<P>I never felt that way about the OM and had absolutely no problem cutting ties with him-I wanted him out of my life with a passion.<P>Its perfectly normal to feel numb inside. But if you and your wife both want back, you can recover. God is a God of Reconcillation-that is what the gospel is all about. Don't give up. And give your W the benefit of the doubt. Is the affair over? Does she say she wants to make it work with you? If so, you've got great basis to start.<P>The problem is going to be with you forgiving her. My H has openly admitted to me that he carrried around anger and unforgiveness in his heart for fourteen years-he's only truly forgiven me in the past six months (since his affair came out). Unforgiveness will eat you alive-you're only going to be hurting yourself. It will make you incapable of loving. You have to decide whether you want and can forgive her; otherwise, your heart is going to become calloused. Good luck<p>[This message has been edited by hurtingwife (edited October 24, 1999).]

I'm sorry if I sounded so...whatever, but I am in the midst of disclouser (pre -disclouser) and my emotions are at times on such a roller coster. The incident/affair took place about 13 years ago. She has pretty much admitted what she has done (veiled comments) but has not as of yet come right out and admitted it. Every scripture I know of has come into play including the one about Hosea's wife. I'm am thankful for that one for that is where I feel the Lord is leading me, but at times other scriptures come to mind (like the one about the two becoming ONE) and I guess I should just ignore them since I feel with all my heart that what God has said to Hosea he is saying to Me.<P>I'm glad you see your sin as sin. That you can call it what it is. That is the first step to healing. My wife is a Christian too but I think she really needs some healing in her soul (emotions). God is able to do that, but this whole thing is going to take some time. I am sure I'm going to need some healing in the near future also. But God has always sustained me as he is sustaing me now. He is more than able to help us in our time of need and always gives us the grace to do what He has called us to do.<P> I asked the Lord a while ago "why am I going through this?" and he told me that he wanted to teach me about love. I was so relieved.I felt like it was all my fault. Anyway, part of love is being patient, which is what I'm going to have to be in this case.Pray for us if you remember us. I'll be praying for you.<P>May God both bless and heal the two of you

Hello, HHH,<P>Yes, I will pray for you and your W. I gather her affair was 13 years ago but you are only finding out now. I know how it feels. My H affair ended ten years ago, and he only confessed to me nine months ago that he has never been able to forget her. We are Christians, also. Went to Bible School two years after getting married even. Didn't prevent any of these terrible things from happening to us-its our fault-the result of the choices we made. But We are both trying to find our way back to God and to each other. And God is able to bring good out of evil.<P>We all make mistakes. When I first found out about my H affair, I felt like God was asking me if I was willing to bare his failing-was I really willing to die for him-if so, was I willing to carry around the pain of his betrayal and still love him. Isn't that what God does for us. And isn't that the goal-for us to love others like God loves us. I feel God is also showing me what true love is...its more than feelings...sometimes, it even hurts to love.<P>There is a great book called 'Love Life for every Married Couple'-by Ed Wheat. It helped me alot right after discovery. Are you and your W in counseling? I'm seeing a Biblical counselor and he has helped tremendously. My H refuses to go, but we are reading one of Harely's Books together. I'm not saying things are a bed of roses. Its very very hard trying to recover. I have really bad days when I'm so depressed that I have to push myself to do anything. Its only my faith in God that keeps me going at all at times.<P>Just remember, unforgivenss and anger will callous your love for your W. I believe that is what happened to my H. He never told me what was going on inside him-I wish he had so we could have delt with it. He never brought anything up but let it fester. Don't do that with your W. Talk with each other and get the counseling you need. I will be praying for you.

Actually she has been droping some major hints about what had happened for a couple of years now. When I ask her direct questions about her "hints" she backs off and tells me I'm reading into what she is saying, but I know I'm not. I've know her too long (24 years) When she is ready well talk more openly. I think- what was keeping her from being open- was my reaction to what she hinting at, I wasn't ready to hear it but I think I am ready now.The next time she starts with these comments I think I'll just shut up and not talk.<P>I've prayed for her so much over these years. She has put me through so much yet I still prayed and eventually broke through to God for her. Maybe once this process has really begun I'll put somethin in my Bio and ask some more questions on the board,but for now I'll leave it blank.<P>I Liked what you said about God being a God of reconciliation. I believe that with all of my heart. We really need to interceed for our spouces in these type of situations. Without going into details there was a time that I felt that God himself was opposed to the way my wife was acting and was going to do something not so nice to her, but I really prayed for her and I felt God's angry hand back off. We are mediators between God and man. We stand in the gap and pray for them like moses did when God wanted to destroy Israel, but as a result of his mediation God relented and Moses saved the Nation. We are like mini saviors completing what is lacking in Christs sufferings (Paul does indeed say that. A very remarkable verse)<P>I'm glad your a Christian. I think most people here are.As far as your husband is concerned I would just pray, pray and pray. God has an answer for every siduation, and he can change your husbands heart for you in a second. Believe me he can, He's changing mine. Remember to crucify your desires, will etc. While this process is going on. There is something about suffering on the cross with a right attitude that changes siduations we are in. I think that is God's method Also Remember that "The Cross" is a place of Shame! Remember that. Meditate on that. It is not a proud place to be yet those who stay there till they have completly died to everything in their flesh, will etc. will see the resurection power of God come forth from their life and will change many of siduation.<P>It's tough dying. Dying to youself, your will. You want to get off the cross, you really do. I've seen so much stuff , garbage rise to the surface in my life since I've been hanging on it it's incredible. All sorts of desires, feelings, some of them not so nice. Yet I am dieing to all of it. I figure we all have to "die" over something in our life in order for Christs life to come forth in our lives so I might as well get it over with "using" something like this. If I don't God will probably use something else.<P>God bless and I did pray for you and your husband today