I began posting here a few weeks ago re: my husband cheating. Well, we have begun therepy and are starting to build this marriage from the ground up and things are going well. In therepy we have learned that we have to try to meet our own and well as eachothers needs. This went GREAT as long as it was MY needs that we were both meeting (at least i'm bing honest here!lol) But today it's his turn. He chose for us to go to the Charger game. I soooo sincerely HATE football. Not just a little, but a LOT! I guess i'm also having a problem meeting his needs when he hurt me so badly....BUT, i do NOT want to ruin today. I honestly want to be able to go and have a great time with him. CAN ANYONE OUT THERE PLEASE GIVE ME A TIP ON HOW TO NOT HATE THIS SOOO MUCH! I know about the game, understand the game....i just HATE it! please help! I'll keep checking back here until we leave...Someone suggested that i just enjoy the players butts, but that's not the solution i want....please help me?

You can't make yourself like the game. But, you CAN enjoy the pleasure he's getting from it.<P>OK, my h was a huge race fan. I was kinda take it or leave it for a while. A few years back, in a moment of loving devotion I purchased tickets for one of his favorite racetracks. Got the hotel room, set everything up and surprised him. (Spent our vacation money). <P>Man, he was like a kid in a candy store. Now I was pretty smart. I reserved the room so that we would arrive two days before and stayed a day after, sooooooooo, I got lots of dinners and romance (he thought I was the greatest since I had brought him there) BEFORE and after race day and he got to sit in the stands (with me - which I found out later was VERY important to him) and act like a kid. And I gotta tell you, I had fun watching how excited he got! I didn't get bored at all. We started doing it yearly and I started looking forward to it too.<P>I know he hurt you. And it's hard right now to be excited about something "just for him". But you're working on the future, right? And the biggest part of that is making EACH OTHER happy. Not just his "making it up to you". Sure, seems like he should have to. But, listen, there's no way anyone could make up for that kind of pain. Except by helping you to build a strong and happy marriage.<P>Focus on the future. Focus on HIS happiness and needs and I'll bet you'll get yours back in return. Don't worry about enjoying the game. Enjoy how excited he is. Like enjoying a kiddie park w/ your kids, even though you don't ride the rides. Enjoy his happiness. It's not that hard. Just one more decision we have to make.<P>Good luck today. You'll be ok. Look, you've come this far. You've worked this hard. Good times are coming.<P>Lori

Jily,<P>I don't much care for "foolsball" either, but a football game lasts like maybe 2 1/2 hours. I see this as a very small sacrifice to make for the good of your marriage. If you love your H, can't you just enjoy spending that time with him? If the weather is cold, you can snuggle up with him. If it's warm, then bask in the sunshine with him and be thankful that he is there with you and not the OW. Have a beer or two to help you chill out.<P>Maybe this isn't about football at all. Maybe it's some latent resentment about his affair and the pain he has caused that is coming out. It sounds like some of your own selfishness is coming out, and I'm not saying you have no right to be angry or want to feel selfish, because you do. But, if you want to make your marriage better, you're just going to have to put those thoughts out of your mind and focus on the positive of the situation. There are a lot of people on this forum who'd give their right arm to have their unfaithful spouses even want to spend some time with them. Only advice I can offer is to buck up and just try to enjoy his company. Look at it as 2 hours of time together. <P>Go Chargers!

jily - <P>Listen to LOSTVA! Awesome advice! <P>Enjoy the fact that your H is getting great pleasure from spending the day WITH you doing something that he loves. Sometimes we sacrafice to keep our mates happy. Forget your are even at the football game! Enjoy HIM!<P>Good luck and let us know how the game goes!<P>------------------<BR>d is for dog<BR>h is for hope<BR>j is for joy, pure joy!<P>

jily - all posts are good advice --be<BR>thankful for where you are in trying to<BR>work it out--i would give anything including a body part to spend time with<BR>my betrayed w who has filed for divorce--it is only a couple of hours and now that you are both working together maybe the fact that you are giving to him he will give you back in spades...much peace and love trying hard<BR>

thanks....i've gotten something from each and every post...i am really tryinng....i've spent three days combing the internet looking for sites that might help me enjoy the game....sillysports....chick sports...geeeze there is some weird stuff out there! I know he sees the effort, and appreciates it....i am determined not to be a wet blanket or a spoil sport today... do you think there's still time left for hypnosis? lol

jily--<P>the potential is there for me to be a football widow too! only problem is, it's games on the tv. H and I both would like to see some games in person--because he LOVES football (pro, not college) and I like going places and doing things with him. I'm not too crazy about watching football on tv. <P>here's another suggestion. during the game, ask him questions when you don't understand what's going on. he will enjoy answering them and like your interest. (yes, I've done this too, and still don't understand much of what he explains about football!)<P>I think I WOULD like people-watching during the game. would that help keep you busy?

Jily,<P>Wow. Count yourself lucky that your spouse is willing to at least include you!<P>Could be worse if he didn't want to work on the relationship at all.<P>The way I see it, you don't have such a huge problem. There aren't that many football games in a season.<P>Paul

gee, paul.....spoken like a true man. Thanks soo much for your support. Yes, i guess i should feel soooo lucky that my cheating husband wants to include me...yes i am sooo grateful that he wants to work on the relatinship that he completly screwed up....you're right, paul, gee, i don't have such a huge problem,....thank you so much for your neanderthal insight.

Jilly - what's up? Stopped in to check on you and see how it went and caught your response to Paul. You OK? It sure sounds like you're upset. I kinda thought his post was encouraging.<P>Can we help? <P>Lori

sorry i went off so harshly on paul....i don't think anyone that comes here honestly looking for help and/or support should be told that their problem isn't that big of a deal. It is obviously a BIG problem to the person writing. We went to the game.... it wasn't as bad as i thought it would be, although 7 beers helped! We lost big, so that took some of the fun out of it. He seemed like he had a good time. We hit a few rough spots, and i could see him re-coil, thinking we were going to fight or something, and ruin the day, but i think we did great. How long until this season is over????

Hey - maybe it was the 7 beers that got you sensitive!!! Glad to hear it wasn't too bad. Sorry, darlin', the season's just beginning. (just go outside to scream!! LOL) Look what a cool thing you did, though. <P>It will get easier, I think. You're heading in the right direction. Try not to look back so much, ok? I know it's hard, but you can do this. And the payoff will be BIG!!!<P>You did a good job today. You deserved those beers. Give yourself a pat on the back and a treat. It's not easy to give when you've been hurt. <P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

I am proud of you - glad that you went!<P>Great job!