Insisting that NC be established is not an unreasonable demand. I would insist upon it. Counselling will do you no good while OM is waiting for her in the wings.

I am concerned that she refuses to talk to you about the A unless it's with the MC. Why is that?

I was saying the call with Jennifer might be a very good thing as it may help WW to hear Jennifer tell her that she needs to go NC and that if she works for it, love can be restored.

It may reinforce what NW is trying to show her and may be the push she needs.

I've heard that the coaching center is very good at reaching waywards and getting them to commit to the M.

Hi NW



I don't know you and I don't know your W. I DO know that when I was faced with an adulterous wife, that I wanted more than anything to hold my family together for our daughter's sake... I wanted that more than anything in the world. I wanted it so bad that I was willing to cling to ANYTHING that Mrs. RIF said, ...and I was willing to believe her lies.

I know that you hope that she's seeing things more clearly, and you hope that by talking to her that you can "bring her back".... but until the A(s) are exposed, and NC is established, I truely believe that she will do anything, and say anything to you in order to keep getting her "fix" from her OM.

She may "stop" (for a while) and become the model wife... she may be the best mother ever... she may say and do all the "right" things (for a while)... but it will only be long enough to lull you into "trusting" her again...

Until the A(s)are exposed, and she has NC over a period of time that will allow the "thrill" of the A(s) to die off... then the A(s) will most likely continue under more secrecy and deceit.


Semper Fi,

RIF

By all means let her keep the appointment with Jennifer.

But quit drinking the wife's koolaid. I'm guessing that she has become so willing (in a 24 hour period) because she knows she has been caught and wants to protect her married affair partner.

Single guys don't use parking garages. He is married and has limited time. And I'm betting it is the guy she works with.

One thing I've learned is a saying. If a WW mouth is moving, they're lying. You literally just found out. The OM may very well be the person you think it is. She may be trying to protect the A and the OM (isn't it sad how that works).

DO NOT take anything she says to you at face value. I agree with everyone here and continue with your PI work. She is in the fog and you're never gonna get the truth. Affairs thrieve in being secret. Find out the truth and EXPOSE! I like to think that affairs and OM's are like cockroaches. You turn on a light and they scatter. Normally, the same thing happens when you bring an affair to light. Good luck!

Ok, I'm getting it. Thanks for putting it back into perspective for me.

I like the point that was made about why won't she tell me about the A. It's all adding up and if it weren't for you guys I wouldn't have seen it. Basicaly the only thing that has changed is that she knows that I know and she may talk to Jennifer on Sunday.

Thank you so much.

Exactly what did she admit too? Did she tell you it is a sexual adultery?

She is lying by the way.

Excellent point. A guy won't be using a parking garage if (1) he's single and (2) he's got nothing to lose. I'm guessing he's either M'd and/or his job will be at risk if the A is exposed.

I'm guessing to that either it's the guy she works with, or one of his friends (assuming OM#1 shared the goods that she was an easy target).

Finally, I really want you to consider this: I think a lot of us BHs get caught up in the "damage-control/must-fix-this" cycle on D-Day, and when recovery actually starts and the dust has cleared, and things have started to settle down, we start wondering if we really made the right choice. I think over 70% of Ms end when the W was the unfaithful partner, and I don't think that's only because of the WW. I'd suggest that you really ask yourself if you could really be comfortable in a permanent relationship with some who has cheated on you so badly.

Yep. Somehow, I missed the details of which parking garage it was, what was on the VAR, and does Mrs NW know about them.

Also just wondering what kind of work your wife does? Is it a very specialized job?

It's OM who she used to work with, married CD gift guy. I got her to tell me about it (I was very sneeky btw) and I got it on my VAR. I alo got a 20min converstion today w/her talking to OM. They were game planning what to say to me tonight and she did say I love you. Awesome!!! His voice is not audible.

Here's my evidence:
-GPS shows her in the parking garrage Tuesday @ 4:16pm. I think I have a text saying she left work @ 3:50pm.

-VAR for the parking garrage (Tuesday) has alot of background conversation and moans, but OM must have walked up to the car at the end of the encounter because I did get his voice tell her to be careful.

-Panties x 2 and skirt. I ordered the kit and it hasn't come in. There are visible stains.

-VAR of her phone conversation today with OM game planning what to tell me tonight. She is VERY worried. OM voice is not audible and she never says his name.

-VAR of our conversation tonight. She admitted to giving OM oral sex in parking garrage.

Is this enough?

-I will almost guarantee that there will be some sort of contact tomorrow either by phone or parking deck, explaining to OM that they DON"T need to worry about any REVEAL.


This is where I was sneeky. She wanted to talk tonight and was trying to put me at ease (big time fog). I told her she was lying to me after what she told me yesterday. It made her mad and I asked her if I could see her phone. She agreed.

First thing I look at is the missed calls and there is number there that I make her call on speaker. Turns out it was nothing but she was noticable worried. She got mad and went upsatairs to bed saying that she is going to see a lawyer on Monday.

I go upstairs and tell that I need closure or otherwise I will keep digging untill I'm satisfied.

NW: All I want to do is to be able to look you in the eyes 5 years from now and not be pissed. I want a divorce too. I just want the truth and I'll walk away. You know I know alot already.

She is satisfied and confesses to oral sex a couple of times since I've returned from Afghan, that's all. Now You know and I know this is BS so that is why I am convinced that there will be contact tomorrow. She will explain to OM not to worry anymore.

We are very friendly now and are hugging and she is crying about the whole mess up of us getting married for the wrong reasons, maybe she's telling the truth here. I also convinced her after the confession, not to go to a lawyer on Monday.

NW: We both are in agreement on 50/50 with NW5. Let's share a lawyer and use a moderator to figure it all out. That way we save $$ and the lawyer is just there to make sure the paperwork gets filed.

She agrees and will cancel her app for Monday. I will sched and let her know.

Your thoughts?

Thanks too all for getting my head straight earlier.

NW


Ok, I can now be blunt. I am not the only one with a suspicion. She is a trophy, probably nothing more to OM. And yes, the OM is married as you discovered. No need for parking garages if he is single.

Look for drama when you start the process of divorce. OM will likely dump her, or not, depending on her real feelings for him and if she starts to put pressure on him. He may just be a trophy for her as well. Be on guard for her changing her mind about anything and everything. And others have said, but just to emphasize it, if her lips are moving she is going be telling you a lie.

I recommend you proceed at warp speed or faster to get her signature on something where you protect your relationship with NW5. It looks like she is doing and saying stuff to protect the OM. Take advantage of that to protect your relationship with your son and to heck with anything other than that until you get it locked up. Past that, who cares? Yea, I know, hard to take.

Larry

NW- So have YOU decided what YOU want to do yet? I'm not being pushy, I really am curious. Do you want divorce or do you want to recover/rebuild your M?

I would (and I think most others) would back you up either way.

Good question, I still have love for her, tanks getting low though. I still want to try and work it out. I am pretty sure that I will not be able to Plan a for and extended period.

After all this lying.....lying.....lying.....I don't know.

I would need extraordinary effort from WW to be honest with you. I will have to see what happens after the reveal. I don't know how she's going to take me lying to her to get a confession, I'm preparing for the worse. I really hope that her family backs me up and OM close/real family have alot of influence.

There is still hope...

NW,

The choices you make at this point will have an affect on the choices she makes...

and vice versa...

If you don't want a divorce, then don't talk about a divorce at all.

She might TALK about going to a lawyer but you only buy into that discussion you see it first hand. If YOU want to save the marriage then FIGHT for the marriage. If you want a divorce, just go get your own lawyer and file first.

If you don't want a divorce don't talk about divorce. When she brings it up, change the subject (Want a cookie?)

If you want a divorce or think that is where it is headed use her idiocy and fog against her while you have the chance. Shoot for FULL custodial custody of NW5. Hold out for at least 50/50 but try for it all citing her miserable excuse for decision making as the reason.

But again, if you don't want a divorce and want to save the marriage, when she talks about it you...



change the subject...

What I am telling you and keep repeating in hopes that you get my point is that if you don't want a divorce and want to fight for your marriage, develop a plan that you can execute no matter what she attempts to do or does or says or whatever...

Call Steve Harley for help in trying to get the plan together or brainstorm with the mart folks here.

If you want to try to save your marriage the things you do have to leverage everything in that direction. Talking divorce at all is counterproductive if you are trying to save your marriage.

Is your evidence for your divorce lawyer or do you plan to expose this sordid affair to blow the lid off of the whole thing and improve the odds of you coming out on top in this?

If you are in Plan A, then you need to be the best NW you can become and get to it quickly. You need to always be aware of meeting her ENs and avoiding all love busters. You need to make NW the best choice for a husband now and in the future while making the affair as hard as possible to continue.

Focus your energy on what NW wants and skip trying to figure this crap she's giving you out. She wants you to back off and THAT is why threats of divorce happen, to get you to leave her alone to have oral sex with this guy in the parking deck...

Work up a PLAN so that you do things on purpose, for a purpose and with complete sense of purpose instead of reacting to what she does and says.

What would you do if you weren't afraid?

Mark

My evidence is to blow the lid off this thing and expose, and a cookie sounds pretty good right now..

I have a call set up with Jennifer on Sunday, WW will not be in attendance. A good solid plan is what I need. I never specificly thought about not letting her actions dictate my plan.

Hear is what I have come up with for the email that I will send Family and friends of WW

Dear Family and Friends of WW,

I am NW, WW's husband. For those of you that I have not met I am sorry to introduce myself this way. WW is commiting adultery with a married man, OM. This adulterous affair is on going and has been going on since before WW and I were married. WW confessed to me on 15 Apr 2010, we were married Day Mo 2005.

I am contacting you for two reasons:
1. I ask for your help to stop this affair before it ruins two families, marriages, and hurts many people. It may already be too late. If you have any influence over WW, I ask for your help to have WW completely break all contact with OM.

2. Adultery thrives on lies, deceipt, and darkness. By telling you this, I hope to bring the affair into the light and destroy it.

WW will likely downplay my accusations and may say that I am not right in the head and telling lies. She may say that I am acting this way becasue she wants a D. She plans on divorcing me to continue her relationship with OM. I assure you that I have proof and I will provide it at your request.

WW and I may have gotten M'd for the wrong reasons, but there is no chance that a M can be happy and healthy built on the foundation this one was started on. I still have love for WW and I do not want her to leave. I don't know if our marriage can ever survive this even if WW fully recommits to it. I would like to find out.

Please let me know if there is anything that I can clarify for you. Thank you for the help.

NW.


What do you think? I can't sleep and have been thinking about this letter all night. I'm not sure how to word the one for OMW and mother.

Hi NW,

Sounds like a great letter!

I will second what Mark said... If you don't wanta divorce, then don't bring it up. If you want a divorce, then strike hard and fast.

The choice is your's to make... we will support you with whatever decision you make.

Semper Fi,

RIF

It'd be enough for me to boot her serial cheating [censored] out...but that's me.