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Epic rant, SoL, just epic!
Makes my own WW and her sense of entitlement look like Mother Theresa.
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... I just can't think of a rant. I am with you thought Luri- you guys are way ahead of us over that side of the pond - have you not invented calorie free chocolate yet?
Please can I join the A-Team and kick [censored] for the children?
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OK PM, agreed, I just hate it when posters criticize MY posts, how's that.
Or the posters that begin with..."I've never had to deal with infidelity BUT......." well, I guess it's good for a disclaimer.
Honestly, I don't even read other people's posts on a thread, just the thread's author. So I give advice that is different, or the same as other posters. And unless someone is giving anti-MB advice, I just let it go... Some folks have to dissect every post that comes along, judging whether each post has good advice or bad advice, according to them...so be it...just MY pet peeve.
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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ST - of COURSE you can join the A-Team... I think I might be Mr. T of the group!
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RANT about deadbeat dads...  As many of you know my daughter just got out of an abusive relationship and has filed for custody of her children. (They were never married.) There is a protective order in place and he has supervised visitation at a family violence center. The visitation hasn't started yet, even though it was ordered in Nov. 2009, because of delays by him and my daughter both. There has also been a social study ordered that hasn't been completed yet for the same reasons. He delayed paying for it and then things have come up. Anyway, child support was also ordered in November 2009. He has not paid ONE SINGLE DIME. So, the trial was supposed to be Tuesday. My daughter will be awarded managing conservatorship because there is family violence and Texas says automatically, no way, no how, is he getting custody. He shows up for the trial and tells the judge he's not ready because they haven't completed their social study. The Judge is a little ticked off but then decides this has gone on long enough and she will take whatever is completed at the time of the new trial date in about a month. In the middle of this hearing he tells the Judge, "I would like a paternity test." Hello??? He's whining about visitation and getting a social study done and NOW he's wants to prove that the kids aren't his (so he can get out of paying child support!) They are his by the way, no doubt there. The Judge who is basically scratching her head about his DNA request, says, okay, you can have your DNA test but you have to pay for it. It's $450 per child, that's $900!!! No problem you're honor, I'll pay for it. Huh?? He can pay for a DNA test but he can't pay child support?!?! At the end of the hearing the Judge finally addresses the child support. Why haven't you paid BabyDaddy? Um, hem, ham, uh, I can't find a job. The Judge is like, really? Tell ya what Mr. BabyDaddy. When you come to court for the trial, I expect you to have every single penny of your child support paid. If you don't, here's what will happen-- I don't believe in putting parents in jail who don't pay child support -- I have a special arrangement with the Texas Highway Department. If you haven't paid the child support, the very next morning you will report to the Courthouse at 8:00 a.m. You will go to work for the Texas Road Department every day from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. and bring your own lunch. You will do this until the child support is paid. If you don't show up for work, I will immediately issue an arrest warrant and you will sit in jail until you can figure out how important child support is. Your children's shoes aren't free, their food is not free, their clothes are not free. Their mom is carrying 100% of the burden and that is just wrong. You are OBLIGATED to support your children. Oh, and if you don't get the paternity test results back to me by the day of trial then I will make a ruling that you are the father of the children. So he walks into the hearing that morning expecting to delay the trial because he knows he hasn't paid child support. He walks out now owing $950 for the paternity test and the full amount of the child support by the time he comes back. Yesterday, he files a motion to modify temporary orders wanting to change his supervised visitation from the family violence center (which he has has to pay for every single visit) to his mother's house. This is the same mother who helped him hide my grandson from my daughter for three weeks when this all started. This is the same mother who was arrested for Family Violence against HIM several years ago. Yeah, that's in the best interest of my grandchildren. Ain't happening! He is the definition of "Deadbeat Dad"!
Last edited by princessmeggy; 04/15/10 01:18 PM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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PS: I love this judge. At the end of the hearing the Judge finally addresses the child support. Why haven't you paid BabyDaddy? Um, hem, ham, uh, I can't find a job. The Judge is like, really? Tell ya what Mr. BabyDaddy. When you come to court for the trial, I expect you to have every single penny of your child support paid. If you don't, here's what will happen-- I don't believe in putting parents in jail who don't pay child support -- I have a special arrangement with the Texas Highway Department. If you haven't paid the child support, the very next morning you will report to the Courthouse at 8:00 a.m.
You will go to work for the Texas Road Department every day from 8:00 a.m. to 3:00 p.m. and bring your own lunch. You will do this until the child support is paid. If you don't show up for work, I will immediately issue an arrest warrant and you will sit in jail until you can figure out how important child support is. Your children's shoes aren't free, their food is not free, their clothes are not free. Their mom is carrying 100% of the burden and that is just wrong. You are OBLIGATED to support your children. 
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I know! I had to struggle not to smile. But would you believe as he and his mother were leaving the court room, his mother says to him, "That went well!" (she was serious). He says, "Oh yeah, now I can go party for my birthday." She says, "I gotcha."
It's like are you kidding me? Were you guys in the same courtroom as we were? They just don't get it and haven't a clue on what's coming down the pike.
{{{{shaking head}}}}
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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I second Pep's assessment on this man.
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They just don't get it and haven't a clue on what's coming down the pike.
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OMG! PM.  for your DD and what she is going thru with this waste of space. BTW LOVE the judge, can you clone him and send NZ a copy? We need judges like him.
Recovered marriage, recovering self, life gets better everyday 
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Thanks Lil, that's what I was talking about on FB with my "pride before the fall and popcorn" post. Can't post it there, TMI, if you KWIM.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Ugh. ((PM)))
My rant for today.
SNOW in the forecast for this weekend.
'nuff said.
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Divorce planning parties. http://www.nypost.com/p/entertainment/divorce_is_so_divine_K0pHi8Bc9dVM3vCGihRswN Unbelieveable- the women in the article have children and were attending a party to find out out to destroy their families.
Bh-me-45
xWW- 45
Married 15years, together for 20
served D papers on 6/2/09
Divorce final 12/19/2010
Custody of our 3 kids
DD 12
DS 10
DD 7
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Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting. I thought this little gem particularly  worthy �But inevitably, after we are done discussing the new shoe styles for the season, the conversation turns to our husbands, what they�ve done, and what they haven�t done. And if it�s not a question of infidelity, then it comes down to two things: money and thoughtlessness. Never a moment of introspection. Never a moment of 'how have I contributed?' Just ME ME ME. My needs, My wants... The entitlement is horrifying. It's angering how society has decided to support and celebrate the destruction of families.... Yeah this is going to end well.
Me & DH: 28 Married 8/20/05 1DD, 9 mo. Just Lookin' and Learnin' HIYA!
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VERY HAPPY! FBS/FWS; 47yo; M-29 yrs.; DS-26,DD-21; our affairs: 1990-'96
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My DS9 asked me if he could do something so naughty that daddy would stop loving him to. I asked him why - he said - he stopped loving you when you cheated on him...you asked him to forgive you...he couldnt...if he cant forigve you..maybe he cant forgive me...
thats what divorce and adultry teaches a child...a lesson they should NEVER have to learn..
WS - what are you teaching your children when you choose an OP over them
BS - if your WS is repentant and you cant forgive and let go of anger - so to...what are you teaching your children.
this whole thing is sin blown up big and set up on a stage large enough for the world to see every putred detail. the ripple affects go on and on.... [emphasis mine] I'm struggling with how to "RANT" about this in order to stay within the bounds of this thread, without "smacking" SisterReed too very hard...I see SisterReed as a GOOD EGG - She is learning and applying what she's learning very well, from my POV...I just think there is a bit of confusion here... I suppose my "rant" is FWSs not owning ALL of the destruction that their adultery has wrought... A FWS being repentant doesn't obligate the BS to remain married to them... There is a difference between forgiveness and restoration of the relationship... So while Christians ARE commanded to forgive a repentant person, they are NOT commanded to restore the relationship... A BS absolutely can forgive a repentant FWS AND choose not to restore the relationship...That is their right... It is a mistake to try and lay blame at the feet of the BS for any part of what adultery teaches children...The BS did not invite this destruction into their family...The WS did that - all on their own... To qualify as a FWS, imo, you must own the whole kit and caboodle... SisterReed, I think you are doing a great job for the most part, and I hope you take my "rant" in the spirit that it was intended...  Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Wife filled - you have two sons - man i am so sorry - really sorry...as a WW - i dont understand how she could look her sons in the face - explain that mommy doesnt love daddy any more and is leaving them. How can she handle the fear and pain on their face and not give a crap!!!
I am sorry this makes me angry as a mother.
Are you in california....i would drive over there and rip her a new one. Its bad enough to do this to your H...but your sons...
who you gave birth to
and nurse
and fed
I get angry I tell you...a mother who will not sacrfice everything for her children should have ovaries removed...seriously time to deply the FWW ATEAM!!!...rubber hoses - where is luri when i need her...
I understand - believe me.
I am the WS here but my BH has long suffered from anger issues. He has physically assulted me twice (once before and once after my ONS)...after DDAY - he has spent the last 10 months reminded me daily of what I did to him and us. I have been on the edge of driving my car into a wall the guilt hurt so bad. He is not a BH who has embrassed the MB plan. Its been tough. But I do it because 1) I do love my BH with all my heart but 2) I saw the look of fear in DS11s face the night I told him what I had dont to daddy and that daddy might not be able to forgive me...that daddy and I might be getting a divorce. The fear and sadness on my sons face for the months afterwards...the unsureness of my DS9...the confusion of DS6...What I did I did in ignorance. I believed my own lies that what I was doing would not harm my family. I believed the lies that if I was happy - my H would be happy and my sons would be happy. But once I saw the proof in my children...saw the proof of the damage my actions caused on BHS face = how the hell can you continue this behavior once you look into your childs face and see the fear...damn I am angry. SisterReed- Thank you for validating my feelings here. If you ever assemble your A-Team, let me know and I'll give you my address!  Unfortunately, I am not in California, I'm in Illinois.
-SOL
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My rant today -- counselors who flirt with their "clients"
What is their problem??? Someone comes to them and spills their guts. The counselor knows they are hurting in areas. So let's cross the line?!? I am a teacher - I have taught students from five years old to 50 years old. When you are in a posotion of "authority" or influence, you stay back. Then, on top of that, the person you "counsel" has to deal with your crap on top of their own now. Shame on them!!! I just cannot believe that after I got up the courage to GO to the counselor again...he flirts? I needed someone to tell me the truth, pray, give me tools face to face, and yes, reassure me that my struggles are normal. And I did feel guilty, but not now. I didn't do anything yesterday except sit down with a counselor and talk. SHEESH!
Okay, done. Yeah, it's random, but it felt good to get that out.
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T/J.....(sorry no "rant" today)
SoL,
first off, howdy neighbor....(Missouri)...
Second, did you know Mark lives in Illinois?.....
You might want to grab him and see if he has any assistance for you, if he hasn't already, also, he runs a MB program through his church, so maybe if you ever get to Recovery and you live close enough, you and Pinky could attend......
Not2fun
T/J over....
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