I SECOND. I had a gut feeling that NC never took place. He was just placating you. He also keeps telling you what he is most afraid of, exposure to command. That is why I keep nudging you that way.

I concur.

Hi SG,



Glad you had a good conversation!!! ...You really don't have to questioning his motives right now.

Fact - You know your H had an A
Fact - You and your H have not had an opportunity to work throuh the issues.
Fact - You can't control your H's actions

For now, it's a pretty safe bet that your H is still in contact with the OW, or at the least still has some feelings for the OW... remember, you can't control his thougts or actions, so projecting your desires on him will just end up in heartache and dissapointment for you.

Your goal with a good Plan-A is to show your H that YOU are much more attractive than the OW. Keeping your H engaged with the kids and the normal "stuff" going on back home will help to reinforce the link to his family and the M.

Continue to focus on taking care of yourself and your kids and protecting your financal interests... If you have a draft letter, I'm sure that you will get some great help in editing it if you share it with us (please remove the names first!).

You're doing great!

Semper Fi,

RIF

Thanks for the support everyone....I've had a bad day stressing about things not in my control. I cant have another day like today.....researching prayers I can do for my marriage and I am turning to God and pray that He can guide me through this.

Remember Smiley, God helps those who help themselves.

Tomorrow is another day. You can do this!

Good morning all!
Wanted to share how I found this group. I posted in a Law of attraction forum about my marriage, how to attract a better reconcilliation. Someone posted this site and here I am. This site has been a huge resource. It has given me a game plan where else I normally would have reacted with my emotions and driven him away.

I really plan to help pass on my experiece with these plans, as well as how I use the MB principles in my marriage.

hope everyone has a good day...doing a baby check up and trying to keep my spirits up.

I did something STUPID!

I went through my husband's facebook pages with her and tried to do like a timeline so that when I take it to JAG or even Command they don't have to read everything......it's just too too hard.

They went from meeting to I love you in less than 2 weeks.

I couldn't read it anymore. I was trying to figure out what I was doing during those days and it's just killing me.

I don't feel as devasted as I thought I would be but..maybe i"m just numb.

reading it gives me the resolve to go to the Command more.

Something that helps me is to not think of him as your husband. He is now your alien WAYWARD husband and capable of all sorts of things.

I caution you to not view going to his chain of command as a 'punnishment' for his wayward actions. If you were to do it, please do so for the hope that it may influence your WH to end the A and help your marriage.

This bears repeating.

Yes - Exposure is a tool to aid in Recovery. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Smiley...Smiley... ...

The purpose of exposure is to break up the affair through exposure. When you expose, the light of day shines on the secret world and puts pressure on it. The disapproval of family, friends and sure, Command, are aids in stopping the affair.

The affair hurts. Stopping the affair makes it hurt less. It has to hurt less before things get better. And the only way things hurt less is to make progress, either toward the door to divorce or toward the door to recovery.

Because husband is far away, your progress is going to be in slow motion and your thoughts are going to be at high speed, kinda like trying to running through molasses. Makes it tough, but on reflection, that does give you an advantage.

HE is in slow motion as well. HE has time to reflect. HE does not get his shot of endorphins on demand. HE has to wait to get his fix. And HE doesn't like that because when he doesn't get his fix on demand, his fantasy gets ragged and frayed edges.

On the other hand, there you are, smiley, smiling, the mother of his children and one on the way. Ouch! And in the quite of the night, he thinks. He can't help it. He has nothing else to do.

You can almost see him wiggling around on the horns of a dilemma, trying to resolve his conflicts. And you have no control on what he will do as a resolution, but you do have control over you, smiley, smiling

Larry

Hi SG,

I agree 100% with the others... exposure is NOT to punish your H, it's a tool used to end the A.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Yesterday was my appointment w/ the doctor. She gave me a wake up call - she said I need to start taking better care of myself because the baby is the innocent one here. He called when I was upset about that and we've been talking, had at least 3 good talks.

I don't know if the fog's been lifted yet but right now he's more focused on not stressing me out, and be sure the baby is okay. He's apologized for everything, and hasnt said he's back in but he's been telling me things like no matter what he does care, he is super worried about me and the baby...and that he blames himself for putting my health and the baby's health at risk. So for the next couple of weeks this is our focus. I know I will hear from him and it's just him checking up on me.

Larry's right about the quiet of the night and how it gives him time to think.

Anyways still on Plan A and still snooping.

I know Plan A is to put pressure on the A, not to punish him. Sometimes I lose focus on that. Thanks for the reminder.

Exposure is to put pressure on the affair. Being nice with the carrot and stick of Plan A is to provide a beacon of light he can come home to. The stick helps him understand you're not an idiot.

Of all the things I have said to you smiley, the quite of the night is the one that counts, the one I understand, the one that is going to have the most effect on your husband. Why? Been there, done that; us reformed sinners know what it was like. And by that I am not talking about me being in an affair. I used to drink like a fish, knew it was wrong and had to do something about it. Painful. But I did.

The other place I got that was talking to combat vets. I was not one although I was military. I was in a different role. At one point, I wondered who was delegated to insure I was never captured by the enemy. Combat vets have shared with me their fears and thoughts. I listened.

Larry

Smiley,

Plan A is an effort to end the affair with thoughtfulness and care...using EXPOSURE to shine the light of day on the Affair-Fantasy-Lie in order to destroy it and then showing the WH / WW how good his or her marriage & family are in comparison to the Affair-Fantasy-Lie

Click here

Still waiting on exposure, until I go to legal...wish I didn't miss my appointment on Monday. In the meantime

- Meet Ens
- no LBs
- no R talk

and most important of all focus on this baby growing inside me.

Sounds like a plan smiley



Larry

Lol that made me laugh..thanks

Hey SG,

How are you doing today?



Semper Fi,

RIF

Doing pretty good today. Had a nice conversation w/ him last night - normal stuff. tried to remember ENs that I wanted to fill but I don't think I did much. Sent him a gift ceft for something he wanted just now - I know he will like it.

Other than that I'm super tired, ready to pop. I tried to make an appt to JAG again but I have to try after lunch.