Wow tired tonight again. Had Char to the dentist and along with some necessary procedures, we are making progress, especially in a possible new placement.

Will keep this simple, but what inspired me to even post this is that last night I stayed up late for several reasons...okay I paid some bills and then watched a movie. Today when I was with her for her appt. she told me I looked tired. I felt tired for God's sake and I probably was showing, but I tried to hide it. But, she recognized it almost immediately.

My God, that doesn't come from a woman who doesn't care, or a casual acquaintance, and especially some OM or OW from an affair. For me it comes from someone I have a history with and she damned well knows now how I reacted when I have been tired, or stressed or whatever over the last 40 years. I honestly believe that no one could EVER earn or receive this recognition in an affair. And yea, even tho I don't want her to notice and try to cover it up, it is sort of gratifying the she even told me to get my butt to bed early tonight (her exact words), or that I am worried about you..etc. etc.

You do not earn that stuff in an affair, you earn it in a marriage no matter how rocky or whatever. To me I just honestly simply felt gratified that she cares!

Thanks.

Tom

Be careful Tom... be careful. You almost appear to be romanticizing everything she does. Don't read more into what occurs than is there. In fact I would cut in half, the minimum you think is real. You are putting yourself in a dangerous place, I fear. I don't want to pull you down, but I do want you to keep your feet on the ground.

This is not a fairytale book read to you at bedtime. This is REAL LIFE and while the princesses are usually fantasy, the dragons are definitely real.

Just be careful and don't fall into the trap of blind hope.

Take care man.

Hi Cant,

You're right, in a way. Yea I still respond to her as I always have, and I guess as any husband does to his wife.

That does make me feel good, especially after we were ourselves in no contact for four months.

But, I do know her very well, and I can tell when she is like just saying something or really concerned. She was concerned and she bawled me out about it.

I guess the point I was trying to make w/o being too 'romantic' Cant, is that it is just nice to have someone really care. I mean we have about each other for 40 years now, and yesterday I took her to the dentist for some serious work and she was in discomfort when I brought her back, so I called and asked how she was a couple of times last night.

It's just the history, where you have shared so much you really really do feel you know someone and care about someone, and they feel same. It's just a really nice thing, and it should be after awhile of marriage.

Don't worry Cant, and I appreciate your concern, but if I do get mixed signals I feel I know what to do. As far as I know, and I feel there is no other guy. Now that we have been seeing and talking to each other regularly I feel I would get warning flags and signals.

I am working hard now to get more information about other faciilities (assisted living) for her that are closer and nicer. She and I really launched this a week ago after she got approval from the staff where she is to do this, and I took her to the first place last Wed. This is going to take awhile, but it is what she deserves. She is in a place right now where some of the staff is less than competent, and she has been abused three times (I talked to her psychiatrist a week ago and he told me that this can and has most likely happened to her, and that we need to work on getting her to a better place based on her condition now). When she had her relationship with that guy there ..okay affair..she was in a vulnerable frame of mine and he totally took advantage of her ( and Me for that matter). That has ended, but yes I do, Cant, take her at face value for what she tells me.

Thanks. And by the way I have not had a chance to read your posts which I will do. I just personally feel that if someone responds to you that you need to learn more about them and respond back. I just have not had time in the past weeek now like I have had.

Prayers for You..

Tom

Hi Cant,

Just am through talking to my wife now. I do not know if you have read my story, but at least to me is complicated, and you sounded like a few here, and that is rote. But I honestly appreciate your concern.

Basically, she is now in a full care nursing home due to her emotional state last summer, and now is able to be reassigned to a good assisted living facility. I know this is so much different from the usual complaint or story here. It is usually some wife or husband who doesn't know what the hell to do and he/she has to ask someone else for God's sake for advice on honoring their vows! I am not saying anything bad about the Drs. Harley, it is just my frustration over any two people who should instinctively know what to do.

Anyway Cant, I had a 20 minute talk with her counselor, who approves of my efforts to get her to a place with more freedom. Major concern is that in just an assisted living place, will she consistently take her medication? Or will she have someone who could monitor that. I am maintaining our home here, and of course she would be separate, necessarily because even if I purchased or leased a single home for us there would be insurance and problems with the fire.

I love Char very much. I just feel she loves me and I say that just from her reactions. So if I am being too romantic, well that is what I am. We have been married for 41 years, and I do not want to, if something happened like suddenly to me, to die alone and without her being by me. When you get to almost 70 that is a concern, romantic or not!

I have decided that I am too old to be here and my situation is too unusual for me to be here. I don't say that out of any concern on my part, but only I think I have this situation with us getting resolved from between us. The only two who can resolve somehing like this is husband and wife, and I belive we have. I came here earlier this year because she did admit to me she had an affair with another resident there and I was distraught and depressed. I know full well that is because of the convenience and mainly tho that she didn't trust me at that time. That is resolved.

It really does pain me much that so many younger men today do not seem to want to fight for their vows, and the woman who they vowed to. It pains me much that those women have lost respect and honor for their men who they vowed to. I honestly think and feel, (this is just my particular faith expression) that when Char and I fight or distrust or that I am unforgiving, that I open the lance wound in the side of Christ just as if it was the first good friday and that I am shoving the lance into him!

In close, I may be romantic Cant, but I am not at all stupid.

Thanks yu and good luck to all of you here.

Tom