I don't know my D day. Weird huh? I can tell you it was a Thursday morning and I can tell you it was sometime the first week in May...or the second. I can also tell you many details of the weeks leading up to D day...when we left for a WDW trip, what Wxh did in the days before and after that trip that tripped the warning bells for me...but I can't tell you the D day.

Anyway, tomorrow is the year anniversary of us leaving for WDW. I am anxious to get all these year anniversaries out of the way...all the firsts I did without my now XH.

I got him out of the house on June 12. He was mad at me because I loaded all of his clothes up and carted them to his new apartment...he felt for sure he wouldn't need any winter clothes. LOL....he is back around to needing summer clothes and he is still in that apartment. I knew more then than he knew I knew....and I knew he was NEVER coming home.

So glad to be rid of him. I am sorry for the failure of a marriage but I know I had no choice.

This board helped me so much in so many ways. I realized today that I learned a modified plan B approach to dealing with him and I still use it. When he tries to engage me in some argument I know full well how to shut him down. I did it just today. I am the master at deadpanning him and saying, 'ok, see ya on Wednesday.' as I shut the door in his face. In my case avoiding conversations with him is not to preserve any love I have for him (I Have NONE) but to preserve my sanity. It works well.

Let's pick the first week in May. That way it will be over sooner and you can move on.

SW, I'm still a few weeks away from official D court date. Should hear sometime this week from the state. I guess I'm in a modified plan B (separated and trying to keep my distance). I have been encouraged by vets to do so as much as possible for my own recovery; and it has been very helpful. Like you, I owe my sanity at this point in large part to this board and MB principles. Couldn't save my marriage, but the farther away I get, I question more and more what was there worth saving. This whole life-episode could have dragged on for months or years without knowledge & encouragement I got here. I would have screwed it up on my own and wound up with zero self-respect and teaching my kids the wrong lessons.

I was just talking to a friend tonight about getting through the first year of firsts (holidays as a single dad type of stuff). I have a a road ahead of me. Once again, seeing someone who is on the other side, ahead of me in my travels is of great inspiration. Thank you Smiling Woman.

~optimism

You are welcome. I am doing well. Am seeing a man---mostly talking---because he is working out of town right now and we rarely see each other. Xwh has given me grief over this already...making a big deal out of whether or not this New Man spent the night while ds was here..(he didn't). I told him NM didn't spend the night but that wasn't good enough...he wanted to know what time he left and all that. I refused to give Xwh any times at all. Not getting into details like that with him. So he threatened to let the 'legal' system take care of it. Whatever. What a bully.

Yesterday he came by to get some tools out of our garage and discovered 2 scratches, fairly significant, on his classic restored vehicle that sits in our garage (we still own the house together). He flipped totally out and accused me and then NM of scratching his vehicle. Give me a break. He even called NM and asked him! NM assured him he did not. Xwh says, "I will just hand it over to my attorney. I've got a really GOOD one.' LOL. What a chump! I'm thinking the judge, if it got that far, would wonder why he would leave such a valuable vehicle in the possesion of an Xwife he thinks capable of doing such a thing as scraching it intentionally.

Like I said.....so glad to be rid of him.

I ran over a metal bar with the riding mower and it bent the blades...I am sure they need to be replaced. After my initial panic, I had a big smile spreading over my face as I realized I don't have to listen to XH rant and rave about my stupidity! Whoo Hoo!

Its the little things I love.

Oh and the big ones....like not having to live with a man who had sex with my young cousin and then lied about it for 7 years. And then started an affair with a 24 year old co-worker....

Yep. Its the big things too.

Whoa, I didn't know your story SW. One day I'll check your thread although it sounds like you may not advise it, lol.

The little things are what I'm running into. My ww used to get a funny attitude about me cleaning stuff. Like cleaning out the refrigerator once a year was anal or something. I'd get the looks and comments, you know nothing big but still.... In retrospect it was probably just her guilt for not doing virtually anything in the home (talk about DS...).

Anyway, NOT NO MORE. I'm cleaning to my heart's content. And I love it. I love having a clean, organized, uncluttered home.

I feel like when I put something back and wipe the dust off of it, I'm cleaning off the old energy that was on it too. Sounds strange probably, but I really believe it. I'm also going with a lot of plants. WW could kill a plant in record time. I'm letting them clear the air, literally.

Okay, I jacked your thread, sorry.

Anyone can run over a metal bar, there's nothing stupid about it. I totally know what you mean though. It's like that crazy irrational voice isn't in your head anymore when something happens. Glad you're past that.

~opt

I don't know about where you are, but there is nothing illegal here. In Ma, I tried to get this into my separation agreement during mediation. I wanted to protect my kids against my wife's potential bad judgment and was willing to put the same restrictions on myself (no opposite sex friends over night etc.). Our lawyer said no way. Wouldn't even let us put it into the Sep Agreement, saying the judge would throw it out etc. He said you can't put restrictions like that on each other.

So your XH has been divorced a year and he doesn't know that these kinds of arguments don't even get to an inbox in court. His lawyer is making money off his ignorance.

Or, he's just trying to bully/intimidate you.

opt

I had it put into our temp agreement and divorce degree. He agreed to it and the judge signed off on it.

A few weeks back XH asked to take ds10 on vacation with OW and her young son....I said no way....it violates the terms of our divorce. Then he said he would just get a different unit from OW and her son....but I've never heard anything more about it....so I think I really messed up his vacation plan (awwww....so sorry!!!!) So I think him trying to make an issue out of whether NM was here overnight has to do with pay back for me ruining his vacation.

NM travels for a living so it was not at all convenient for him that he could not stay overnight with me....even in the guest room. And XH was seen, both nights NM was in town, cruising the parking lot of where NM stayed---checking up on him I guess. Also, on Saturday night, NM stayed here watching a movie with me and ds until about 12:30.....I purposefully did not put ds to bed until after NM left.....I wanted him to SEE NM leave our home---not go to sleep while NM was here. The next night was the night before school testing began and I ran NM out of here about 10:00 so I could get ds to bed at a decent hour. Still and yet, Sunday morning Xwh was making huge deal out of needing to know WHEN NM left Saturday night.

No doubt he is a freak. And a bully.

Yes it is a good feeling to not worry about someone's irrational anger. NM told me that a normal man's reaction to the lawnmowing thing would be to say, 'get the model number off the mower for me and I'll pick up some new blades on the way home.' You can't imagine how that makes me smile.

Oh, I remember reading this. I forgot that was you.
He's in a spitting match now. Except for the irritation of it I would do exactly as he says: "let the legal system handle it" (i.e. nothing).

He should put one of those covers on his car.

I'm glad I was able to separate property from stbxw.

opt

Do you make house calls?

Take the model number (and year) of your lawnmower and go to Sears/Lowes <where you got it> and buy a replacement blade (cost you under $20, and it will be sharp!)
I took the OLD blade with me, (because I thought I might have to buy a universal) You need to know if it is a bagless, blah blah blah....

The hardest thing is getting the damn bolt off the old blade (I had to use a spray on product -WD40- to help)

It is an EASY fix and your mower will work much, much better.


Next I can help you change your own oil.

Hey SW, my d-day anniversary is coming up as well. My third! Unfortunately, it's only 1 day after my DS's wedding anniversary. How's that for sucky timing?

Anyway, things are even better now than they've ever been. I've been in my new house for about 11 months now and I'm starting to work on the gardens. I went on another cruise last fall and I'm planning a Jamaica trip for this year. I moved my horse to a stable closer to home and, incidentally, further away from WXH's work. I never go anywhere near that place anymore. I virtually never see him, though I had to sue him in small claims court this year. I won. He paid up.

Unfortunately, I'm still not at the point where I never ever have to see him again. I found out he signed up for baseball again this year. On his registration form he said that he did not want to play on my team. This is a new one - usually I'm the one that refuses to play with him. I think he's still bitter about court. In any event, I still can't fathom why he insists on playing in this league. There's tons of mens leagues around. There are no other co-eds. I'm not good enough to play in a womens league. I've been in this league for 12+ years now and all my friends are there. WXH never participated in any of the social aspects of the league and heads for his car the minute his game is over. OW doesn't play. He doesn't show up when OW can't be there with him -I'm sure that's no coincidence. Most of the people there think she's a ho. Methinks she doesn't like him playing in that league either. Anyway, he's back again. Probably out of stubbornness but I'm not going to let him ruin my summer - now or ever.

Life does go on and it is pretty sweet to be able to do the things you want, the way you want and when you want.

But how do I get to the bolt under the mower that holds on the blade?

Ask at the hardware store, I'm sure they'll be happy to help. Probably have to flip it over and then you'll see it right in the middle. I also think it's a reverse thread, meaning you have to turn it the opposite way to get it to loosen (NOT righty-tighty) - that's why they tend to get themselves on there so strong: the direction the blade goes actually serves to tighten the nut/bolt as it goes around).

Hope that helps (and I hope I'm not telling you something you already know). Make sure you have the exact right sized hex wrench.

opt

Sure, No problem Barbiecat, but I hope you can be very patient. Tabby has me on a two year renovation/recovery plan; and I can see why - every project I do begets another, and another, and another....



opt

But....but....but....I did mention that it is a riding lawnmower right?

Flip it over?

From E-how:

---Piece of cake, SW.
opt

Ok, I have ramps! I can do this! I am so excited! Thank you!

Just be careful.
And forget what I said about the thread being opposite, I think that was wrong.
opt

You have ramps, SW? I'm jealous. My next thing to get is saw horses. I really, really need at least two.

I want to start a new trend: Divorce showers.
Gifts for women would include a power drill, maybe a chainsaw, one of those thingies you can use to jump your car, a nice level, a dump truck, table saw.

I'm sure there are things men would need to. Just not sure what.

EEEEK! No.. you did not!

I facockta up my push mower. All I had to do was wheelie that baby up. It was very easy to do (with the right tools- socket)

I was told the riding mower is the same (tho it is harder to get access) A teacher at my school does summer landscaping. He sharpens his blades every week! Take off- grind- replace.)