Yes, I like maritalbliss' version. No need to mention about getting married for the wrong reason. You are married and a family - anything else doesn't matter.

Thank you MB,
I was very conflicted about my motivations to reveal. I think now it is because some of my wording. The things you edited were the very things that I was leerie about. Thank you so much!

Any advise on what I should say to OMW and Mother? I need to be very tactful here.

"I still want to try and work it out."

Then why talk about D? Don't!

Expose OMW.

Say the same things to OMW and mother as you say in your letter.
OM and WW are having an affair.
I have proof.
I love my WW and want to repair my M.

Yep. Keep it simple.

Sign your name and give them some way to contact you, preferably via phone (not your cell.)

You really have me thinking here Mark. If I weren't afraid of loss would I be here on this site at all?

I'm very confused right now. Should I/we file? Should I proceed with whatever the plan it is for the day?

I think I'm in the wrong mind set again. What path I take after the reveal will probably depend on what WW does after she cools down. This is not a good plan correct?

I just don't think I have the energy to go on with Plan A if she is unwilling. I also have serious doubts about what our marriage would look like even if she puts for EXTRAordinary effort. Maybe I'm projecting and that isn't good either.

I look forward to my converation w/Jennifer....

You say you want to remain M.
That means no filing (duh).
It also means Plan A.
It also means a marathon, and keeping your eye on your long distance goal -- NOT the "plan of the day".
It also means sticking to your plan and your goal REGARDLESS of what she does.

I guess that's the thing. I don't know if I want to remain M. I have said it but I question my reasons. Therefore I question my motivation to move forward with Plan A. Am I doing this because if it doesn't work out we can still D?

Maybe because I am still in shock and hurt over the A?
Maybe because I fear being alone, and loss?
Maybe because I am angry for all the lies, deceipt, manipulation and I want retaliation?

NW- As I have said before, YOU have to decide what it is YOU want BEFORE you act. Maybe maintain a Plan A until you speak with Jennifer, but you must decide soon.

FWIW, I am going to paste my exposure letters that I had used. First, this was the letter that I sent to OMW:

"OMW,

I am sorry to have to write to you today but I have some information I feel you have the right to know. Your husband, OM, is having an affair with my wife, Pinky.

My name is SoL and I live in Hometown, USA. I have been trying very hard to reach you and have finally found your address. We need to talk. They are at least having an emotional affair and I have proof. I�m not certain if they have ever met in person, but it may be possible. They met online playing poker at Pokerstars.net. They now are emotionally involved and are probably having �cyber-sex�. They also talk/webcam over the computer. Over the last couple of months she and your husband have been talking and texting daily at all hours of the day. They have spoken over 400 hours in the last month. I have seen emails where they have expressed their �love� towards each other and talks of the future together. I have seen texts between the two of them that were graphically sexual in nature. I�m not sure how much you know about this or how much you want to know. I know Pinky went out of town around 29 October through 2 November this year. It may be possible that they met in Orlando if your husband was away at that time. Pinky claims that they are �just friends� but the things I have found prove that it is way more than a friendship. She tells me that they are talking to each other about their marital problems with me and you. I can tell you that it is far beyond what normal friends talk about. I also know that they have sent gifts to each other of a sexual nature.

I still love my wife. We have been married over 13 years and have 2 beautiful children together. I want to save our marriage, but it takes two. I am asking for your help in breaking this affair up. I�m not sure what you want out of your marriage but I feel you need to know regardless. I will be more than happy to send you the proof that I have (phone records and email/chat). I would ask that you not approach OM with this information until you and I talk/email because I have a pretty strong way to end the affair that involves not letting them know we know right away. Maybe we can help each other through this situation. I can be reached at the cell phone below or via either email address. Please reply as soon as you can. I am really sorry to have to tell you about this.

SoL"

This is the message I sent to OM's facebook friends and family:

"Dear Facebook friend of OM,

I am the husband of WW in hometown, USA. Your friend, OM is having an adulterous affair with my wife of 13 years. We have a 9 year old son and a 7 year old son. I am writing you to ask you to use your influence to persuade OM to leave my family alone.

While I was deployed serving my country in Afghanistan, OM and WW met online. This affair has been conducted mostly over the internet since June 2009 and he may possibly have come to America on October 30, 2009 and see my wife in person. My wife and I have two very heartbroken sons, DS9 and DS7, whose lives have been turned upside down the weeks before Christmas because of their mother's affair with OM.

I am asking that you use your influence to persuade OM to leave my wife alone and concentrate on his own family and wife OMW. There is no future with his affair with my wife because he will be eternally hated by our sons and by my wife's family. Please urge your friend to do the decent thing for a change and end his affair with my wife.

In case this man denies his affair, I am more than willing to provide evidence to anyone who asks. Additionally, I would ask that someone please call OM's parents and ask them to email me at email@address. I would also like to hear from OMW if she is willing. I would like to speak to them personally. OM has represented himself as "pending divorce" in order to seduce my wife. If this is not true, I would appreciate the true facts. I'm not sure what Phillip may tell you about me but I assure you I am a peacful man who only wants to save my marriage and protect my family.

Thank you for your help. WW's loving husband,

SoL"

Again- decide what you want for you and then take the appropriate ACTIONS. I wish you the best and you know I am here for you. Call me anytime too.

SoL

Hi NW,


I'm sure that you have already thought of at least 1,000 different scenarios of "how it will turn out". From the absolute "best" possible way to the "worst".

You will have various posters tell you different things that happened to them whether they divorced, or tried to rebuild. Some were sucessful in rebuilding, others were not.

Some here will tell you that if your WW is a serial Adulteress, that you should just walk away and not even try. I will say that if your W has had multiple A's that it IS harder to rebuild... and the pain and work that it will take from BOTH of you is tremendous... but it CAN be done.

Mrs. RIF and I are living proof that you can rebuild a M after multiple A's. I'm not sharing this with you in order to "sway" you one way or another. Only YOU can decide what you want to do. What I wanted to share with you is that IF you want to save your M and rebuild, you need to go into this with both eyes open.

1 - You can't do this alone. At some point, your W must end the affair(s) and establish NC. She will most likely NOT be a willing partcipant at first, and she will want to "move on" much faster than you. If she is not willing to rebuild, then you are just wasting your time.

2 - You will find that this rebuilding process is just as much about YOU as it is her and the A(s). This was very hard for me as I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that I was the one that was "wronged", so why was I having to do anything at all?

3 - You can't "force" your W through the rebuilding process. She will have to search out many of the "truths" on her own without you pushing her or threatening her. I found that Mrs. RIF wouldn't respond or rebuild until I made it "safe" for her to start opening up. Again, this is more about YOU than your W... and it's not an easy step.

4 - After all this work, your M may NOT survive...

If you are willing to recognize that this is at least a two YEAR process, and that it will require BOTH of you to learn and grow way beyond where you are now, and that it will involve more work and more pain than you've ever felt in your life... and you still want to give it a try... then we're here for you!

If you think this through and decide that you would rather divorce, then nobody here will try to talk you out of it. That is your right as a betrayed husband... and yes, there are many good folks here that can guide you through this process too.

By the grace of Jesus Christ, Mrs. RIF and I were able to rebuild our M and I can honestly say that I never dreamed that our M could ever be this fullfilling. It CAN be done, but it's not easy...

Semper Fi,

RIF

I must do this. If I don't then I will forever regret it.

Here are revised versions of my letters. Have at them.

Dear Family and Friends of WW,

I am NW, WW�s husband. For those of you whom I have not met I am sorry to introduce myself with this terrible news. WW is committing adultery with a married man, OM. WW confessed to me on 15 Apr 2010, but has not ended the affair.

I am contacting you for three reasons:
1. I ask for your help to stop this affair before it ruins two families, marriages, and hurts many people. I want to save our marriage, but it takes two. You are someone who is looked up to by WW and I ask for your help to have WW end the adultery and completely break all contact with OM so that recovery may have roots to blossom.

2. WW intends to seek legal counsel. I urge you for help to stop this process until she ends the affair with OM and breaks all contact with him.

3. Adultery thrives on lies, deceit, and darkness. By telling you this, I hope to bring the affair into the light and destroy it.

WW will likely downplay my accusations and may say that I am not right in the head and telling lies. I assure you that I have proof and I will provide it at your request.

I still have love for WW; we have been married for 5 years and have a beautiful 5 year old son, NW5.

Please let me know if there is anything that I can clarify for you. Thank you for the help.

NW
pnone #


Dear Family and Friends of OM,

I am NW, WW�s husband. I have not met you and I am sorry to introduce myself with this terrible news. WW is committing adultery with OM. WW confessed to me on 15 Apr 2010, but has not ended the affair.

I am contacting you for two reasons:
1. I ask for your help to stop this affair before it ruins two families, marriages, and hurts many people. I want to save our marriage, but it takes two. I ask for your help to have OM end the affair and completely break all contact with WW so that recovery may have roots to blossom.

2. Adultery thrives on lies, deceit, and darkness. By telling you this, I hope to bring the affair into the light and destroy it.

OM will likely downplay my accusations and may say that I am not right in the head and telling lies. I assure you that I have proof and I will provide it at your request.

I still have love for my wife. We have been married for 5 years and have a beautiful 5 year old son.

Please let me know if there is anything that I can clarify for you. I am really sorry to have to tell you this.

NW
email add

I'd delete the part about "WW will likely downplay my accusations..." You don't know what she will or will not do. And, if WW gets a copy of this, that's a big fat DJ. Just cut that sentence.

ITA. I thought about that, too.

Hey NW,

How are you doing this weekend? Give us an update when you get a chance!

Semper Fi,

RIF

My weekend was pretty good in all.

Friday I had an angry outburst and nearly gave up on the whole thing. I almost handed the stick over to her. I just couldn't deal with the constant lying.

Saturday it was boys day in. Had a blast!! Fixed the toilet also.

Sunday I cleaned the downstairs, mowed the lawn, went to the circus with WW and NW5, and talked to Jemmifer (just me).

The session went well. I wouldn't say that I have renewed hope but she certainly has a way to explain things, which is just what I needed. She helped me outline a plan, course of action, controlling my LB's and answered all my questions. We really focused on how to handle my LB's and Plan A. We went over an hour and she even called me back after she was done with her next appointment so she could be sure that I understood everything.

For WW, she said that she has broken contact although she has given me no evidence to support this claim. I know now that there is nothing that I can say to her or really do that will clear the fog. A heavy dose of reality may be the only cure.

Hey NW!

Thanks for the update and so glad that you had a good weekend.

Semper fi,

RIF

So I revised my reveal letter to WW family a little. This one is specifically to WW's direct family and is more personal. Your thoughts?


Dear Family,

I am sorry to be the bearer of this terrible news. WW is committing adultery with a married man, OM, a former co-worker. WW confessed to me on 15 Apr 2010, but has not ended the affair.

I am contacting you for two reasons:
1. I ask for your help to stop this affair before it ruins two families, marriages, and hurts many people. I want to save our marriage. You are all looked up to by WW and I ask for your help to have WW completely break all contact with OM so that we can recover our marriage.

2. Adultery thrives on lies, deceit, and darkness. By telling you this, I hope to bring the affair into the light and destroy it.

I assure you that I have proof and I will provide it at your request.

I still have love for WW; we have been married for 5 years and you all know our beautiful 5 year old son, NW5. It is my desire to rebuild our marriage but this cannot happen until WW breaks all contact with OM. It is my hope for WW to be in a happy, healthy, and loving marriage with the father of her child.

Please let me know if there is anything that I can clarify for you. I am sorry to have to tell you this over e-mail; I do not know all of your phone numbers. Please call me if you wish to talk. Thank you for all of your love and support.

NW


I have a great relationship with WW's close family and I think it would be more profound if it were more personal in nature.

This is good. Send it out.