And btw, congrats on hearing the baby! You are blessed, in spite of the other circumstances going on right now.

You could respond to the email by saying you do not believe it and to send the pics. ??

But - what if WH had his friend send the email to guage her response? If she doesn't tell him about it after responding to it, he'll know she's collecting intel.

And if she doesn't respond to it at all he may think that she'd never consider him having an A and deleted it, so he's free to continue.

Just a thought.

Check the email message header and compare to the other emails sent by scumbag.

Check Message Header

Well I am not one to possibly understand the workings of a wayward's logic but it would be hard to imagine an adulterer giving out actual accurate hints about their adultery to the betrayed spouse in order to see if they are being suspected.

But I suppose anything is possible.

I'd reply to the email and say "Really? Send them."

This is something that came up earlier in the thread, the possibility that WH and his buddies were up to something like that.

I'm just trying to cover all the possible scenarios in her sitch.

Wow, thanks for all the really great advice. The only trouble is that I'm now more confused than ever. Which is actually a good thing because many of you brought up points I didn't even think about. Which is exactly why I wanted to hear from all of you.

I didn't really consider the idea that showing it to him would make him more careful but that is a really good point. As for it being a set up with WH involved, my gut says no but it's possible (as we all know, anything is possible) and something I do consider. Also, that's a very excellent point that he may be doing it to see if I'm snooping and me not responding might be a red flag. So hard to know which of the scenarios is the truth. My guts says dirtbag friends are messing with him either for fun or because they are mad at him. Yes, I know these are some sick people that I am dealing with. I thank you all for (once again) helping me to see the possible outcomes.

If I do show it to him, I would pretend to believe him when he says it's not true (as we all know he will). This, I think will make him feel more comfortable. Right now, I have no idea what to do so keep the advice coming! Whatever I decide, I'm not dealing with it until next week anyway. We have some family stuff planned this weekend and I continue to work hard on Plan A, especially the carrot part. Since I'm so confused about what my next step should be, then this can wait a few days (especially since my next step might be to take no action).

Right now I'm leaning towards responding to the email as someone had suggested and say that I don't believe them and if they have pictures then they should go ahead and send them. I do wish I could get my hands on those pictures. But, if WH is somehow involved, that might not be the right thing to do. I hope the next few days will give me some clarity and help me know what is the right thing for me to do.

More good news for me is that my last OB appointment included a screening for STDs which is standard so I didn't have to request that. Everything came back fine and since there hasn't been any WH/OW contact, that is one less thing I have to worry about for now.

Thanks again for all the great advice. I seriously don't know what I would do if I coudln't come here for help. You all do wonderful work here and I am so thankful I found you.

Yeah, it might make him more comfortable, but it may also have the undesired effect of making him more careful. Until now he's believed there's absolutely no hint of suspicion on your part and no reason for you to be suspicious. That'll change when he hears about the email, regardless of whether or not you can make him believe you aren't taking it seriously.

He's been careful so far - if he hears about the email he's going to be doubly careful and avoid an 'enemy' (the friend). And I believe he'd have a good idea who that friend is.

Think about it, Anne, and make your decision. You can't unring the bell, so be sure about what you want to do. I'm glad you're taking a few days to think about it.

I don't even know why I'm cautioning you to not be hasty - you're one of the most patient posters I've seen on here.

Thank you! I'm not enjoying this pregnancy as I had hoped but I do try to remember how blessed I am to be having a baby.

MaritalBliss, that's funny that you comment no my patience since that is something that has frustrated others about me. From the intel that I have gathered, it seems that I'm going to have no choice but to be patient. I have pinpointed the times that WH has seen OW since mid-summer. He saw her July 17, November 5 and March 19. In between those times, their contact is very limited and usually pertains to business. From what I can tell, he seems to hook up with her once every three months or so. That is going to make it more challenging to get evidence but my patience will come in handy. I'm just thankful that I'm starting to have good days again. There was a time when I didn't think that was possible. I know not every day will be a good one but I'm thankful for the ones that are!

I know many of you have mentioned how it's not healthy or reasonable to be in Plan A for more than a few weeks. It seems like I don't have much of a choice about that since I am unwilling to confront with what I have. To help cope, I am seeing a therapist and she has been amazing in helping me to figure out ways to deal with this stress while trying to get the information that I need. At my last appointment we talked a lot about how it might be months before I have another opportunity to find out what's really going on. I don't like it but it's out of my control. I can't make something happen but have to wait until it does.

Do WS tend to tell lies about many things and not just those things related to their affairs? My WH told me he is going to play golf tomorrow morning with Dirtbag Friend when he is really going gambling with Dirtbag. I don't care about gambling so I don't know why the lies unless he is just getting caught up in this lifestyle. Maybe he gets a kick out of deceiving me? He also mentioned to Dirtbag that he hasn't talked to OW (Butter) in a while and needs to call her so she doesn't think he forgot about her. Then he made a joke about how they should go to a bar and "p*ss where they eat". It's a bar close to our house in our town so that means they would be taking some risks. Sounds like he likes that.

Frustrated that none of this is proof but hopefully I can get that soon. While I'm not happy to find out he lied about where he's going tomorrow, it doesn't help me since he's not seeing OW. Catching him in a lie about where he was with his friend does me no good.

Anyone had any luck with cell phone spy software (not for an Iphone)?

WH is out gambling today with Dirtbag Friend. He told me he was playing golf. I don't know why he would lie about that since I don't have a problem with gambling. Maybe he just finds it thrilling and exciting to lie to me and get away with things. He did tell Dirtbag that he should call OW. Hopefully he will do that this week. He'll probably call her from work and not his car but he might talk about it in his car with Dirtbag (most of his conversations with Dirtbag are in the car).

Still mulling over what to do about the anonymous email I got (the one that said "your husband f*cked OW i have pictures of them together"). Someone had suggested I reply and ask for the pictures. I'm thinking of doing that. It's hard to know what to do.

Wish me luck that I can get some more positive proof so that I can move forward. As always, thanks for listening.

If you don't have cell phone spy software you could try this until you have it:

1. First get your husbands cell phone and program it to forward all calls to your own phone number after 15 or 20 seconds.
2. You then program your own simcard to forward any calls to husbands number directly.
3. Then take your own cell phone and your husbands and switch sim-cards.

This will give you the opportunity to screen all his calls before he sees them.
You can autoforward all his text messages to your own number (which is in his cell phone) if you want, or you can read them first and then put them through.
Please remember to program the phone to hide the number when calling. And it might be a good idea to also switch the voicemail box number if your phone company/cell phone allows for it, he won't notice anything off if all unanswered calls (he gets on your sim) are forwarded to his mailbox.

It may take some thinking but if you know your way around his cell phone it is certainly worth the trouble.

Also, because it is your own sim-card, you can add a tracking function to it via internet. They will always send you a notice to your phone after you sign up, but once you have it, you can trace where the phone with this sim is via the internet.

Hope this helps.

(legal notice: laws in your state might require you to inform your husband of this in advance)

I suggest do it, but make the response brief, and go entirely silent if they try to extort money or favours from you.

Now THAT was a priceless comment.

Larry

Another idea on the email response that would allow you to play dumb but might prompt the sender to get those pics to you:

Hello Which-Ever "Friend" of Husband's you are:

I'm very familiar with the games you all play with each other and the pranks you pull. I don't agree with them. Please leave me out of the loop when you pull nasty tricks on my husband. I am sure he leaves your wife out of whatever stunts he pulls as he is too honorable to go that low with a prank.

I know this is a prank because if you'd had pictures and were really concerned with me, you would have sent them.

Thank You.

I did respond to the "your husband" email saying that I don't believe them and if they have pictures why not just send them? We'll see if that gets any response. WH's friend may not be mad at him anymore but who knows? I am getting frustrated. I would like to catch him doing more than telling me lies about golf/gambling with Dirtbag Friend. It's just another red flag that makes me certain I can't trust him yet doesn't offer enough proof for confrontation.

Question for Happy Heart - First, thanks for that suggestion. I had no idea you could do something like that. If I were to do what you suggested, would he no longer get his voicemails? That could be a big problem since he uses his cell for business so much. I'm just trying to imagine any potential pitfalls if I were to do that. I'd really like to just get the cell phone spy software but those seem to be geared towards Iphones and touch phones and he has a regular cell.

I was one poster who initially advised you to not respond to the email; however, because it appears that contact between H & AP may be haphazard, I'm starting to think it might be a good idea to respond to the email. I'm afraid it'll make you crazy if you have to remain in suspended animation like you have been.