Be sure and tell how she sent naked pictures to your husband! They need to know that.

I will do that part for sure. I think they should know what exactly happened.

H just called me to see how my day was going. He was offered a training job in Texas (we are in Canada) that would be 8 weeks. He told me that he feels that he cannot do this, as we need time together to get over this, and he said he is completely OK with that. That is a good sign right?

He keeps reassuring me that this time he will beat it, this time he will not go back, he "sees" how she manipulated him: had someone call me to say it was her boyfriend, to make him jealous, etc. (she was actually in the background during that call WHAT A CHILD SHE IS!), her lies, etc.

ok, do you have your talking points all ready to give him your conditions?

Just a little morale booster!

hee hee...I do. We have company over today but when they leave I am. I just got off the phone with MIL she is still so hurt. She can't even speak properly. She said "I'm not done with him yet". She told him that if he ever leaves me to go to OW than he is no longer her son!

As well I just learned that his brothers plan on sitting him down for a chat! Fingers crossed this exposure works!

Good deal! Exposure causes huge conflict in affairs as you can see! You have him on the ropes, new, now close the deal!

The more people who talk to him about his sleazy affair, the more reality will intrude. Keep up the good work!

p.s. expect your H to be furious about your exposure. Dont' let it bother you one bit..

I'm jealous, I wish my WH had your WH's mom for a MIL... I love my MIL but she just doesn't get her son, who is acting just like his dad, BTW.... I wish I had your WH's bro too! Although my SIL is standing by me but I know WH wouldn't listen to a word she says, he has no respect for her cause she's the "favorite child"... ok done hijacking the thread, just wanted to say I wish I had your in-laws!

YEAH FOR THE IN-LAWS. WOOOHOOOOOO

SoL and Yours are GREAT.

Thanks everyone! They truly are. I have all of their support 100%. So much so that my H is terrified to talk to his mother. My MIL and FIL emailed OW but the email didn't go through for some reason.

THEY ARE AWESOME. I wish I knew the power of exposure sooner but at least I learned! H was upset, but he is getting over that. I really hope that I will not have to go to PLAN B, but I am fully aware that it may have to happen.

We had our friends and 1 BIL over for supper and games tonight and it was great. I think I will focus time this week doing these things as it really does make H happy. (I will of course schedule alone time too) I really think he needs to open his eyes and see just how wonderful his life can be.

Thanks again for all of your support!

Hope, if you are putting off presenting him with your conditions for R you are making a huge mistake. He will be perfectly content to proceed as though nothing has happened. He dodged a bullet over the weekend and he feels safe now. Don't set yourself up for more abuse.

God's Blessings,

Say

Thanks Say! I am going to present this to him today. BIL stayed over at our house last night so it was impossible to do. But I do see that he dodged a bullet and plan to nip that in the a$$!

Can I get some feedback as to what to expect from him? What other WS have done when presented this with? I just want to go into this prepared. THanks!

They are all over the map.

He might resist, indicating he's still wayward thinking -- not necessarily that he wants to run off into the sunset with some OW, but that his focus is on himself and his attitude is a selfish one. This can change if he desires to change it.

He might agree instantly. Then he might only play along for a week or three, or he might jump into the program heart and soul and become a MB poster boy.

They really are all over the map.

I'd just make a very short list, with things like:
NC with OW for life
Complete and total transparency and accountability
Counseling in a program of my choosing

Then tell him that you love him dearly. Tell him you want a great marriage with him. Tell him you are NOT willing to settle for crumbs or a less than spectacular marriage. Give him the list and tell him this is what you expect from him, and that you are willing to do whatever he needs you to do in order to build a wonderful marriage with him.

I'd personally move on to something really fun then. Tell him he has a couple of days to think things over, and that you'll talk about it some more on Thursday, but right now you would love to go bowling or take a walk or help him polish his motorcycle or whatever you think he'll find fun, relaxing, and enjoyable.

Great advice turtlehead! And you're right the list has to be short. I am not settling for crumbs anymore. I don't deserve too, and neither does anyone else on these boards.

Its funny how something that rips apart your life can build you up to be a stronger person- FOR YOURSELF. I do want the best possible marriage and I do want that with him. I want the alien to leave his body and for the light inside him to shine through again. And I will do whatever I have to do to get that. Thanks so much!

So H just called me on his way to work to see how my morning is going. (No more relationship talk, and so far I am doing good!)

I had mentioned that I am very tired, (work is tiring too, I am filling in for manager as well as my own position) and he said "rightfully so we have both been through hell". I am trying to steer clear of relationship talk, but if he wants to talk about his withdrawal do I proceed to listen or change the subject?

He said in a happy tone, "I am doing good so far". (Its been 2 days since the email) and I agreed, he is, but thought to myself that he usually has a hard time around day 5 and gives in and contacts her. BUT I will not say that to him, as I think that will not help. (I did say that to him in the past). He told me that when he does think of "that other person" he replaces those thoughts and wonderings with all the lies she told him. I said that was a good idea and he should also replace that with a positive thought about us. He said that is no concern because I am always in his thoughts.

I then changed the subject to going to a movie tonight. I am really trying VERY hard to stop all LB's, I do have a few to get over, did I do the right thing in handling this conversation or should i have encouraged him to talk more about how he is feeling? I am trying to STOP ALL RELATIONSHIP talk as we all know that is my downfall.

I appreciate your feedback.

I think you did GREAT.

You want him to feel safe talking to you; you don't want this to turn into the elephant under the carpet that nobody talks about. At the same time you want to give him space to get through withdrawal before you jump into all that R-talk. So I think you did fantastic.

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! I want to follow all the advice you all give and I am so grateful to have found this website and very grateful that I finally had the courage to post.

Here's a quick question: What do I do when H sounds depressed from the withdrawal? Do I ask him about it, or just try to get him engaged in something fun? I just need some ideas because I know from past experience that this will happen soon, and I do not want to follow past mistakes and pressure him to talk or let it get me down.

I want to go into this and tackle the withdrawal properly so it never has to show its ugly face again!

*bump*

Well in my case - WH cried and said he missed her so I gave him comfort and he later turned that around into thinking I was "messed up" because I was willing to be there for comfort for him when he was down. Maybe your husband would respond better?

My approach now ..... don't even bother. He can deal with that in his own head. Just be the best wife YOU can be!