new, I would have that talk with him TONIGHT about what it will take to recover your marriage and what you will accept. Get that out there NOW and don't sweep it under the carpet.

I will. He just called to tell me that OW just text him and said that she lost everything. He did not respond. He said that he feels like she is trying to manipulate him into creating another email.

HE IS STILL IN CONTACT WITH THE OW. This is the problem. As long as she continues to contact him, the affair is in play.

Until he STOPS this contact, there is no hope, new. It is up to him to block her contact.

New, you need to make it clear that unless and until he stops this from happening, he needs to MOVE OUT.

Thanks! I gave him my list and he agreed to everything but there is one that we cannot do and that is change his phone number. It is a work phone and cannot be changed as his company will not allow it. Melody I see what you are saying, but his work WILL NOT change the number. He is more than willing to give me his phone, and he calls me as soon as he receives something from her. If we do not respond will she give up?

I talked to him about the texts and he said that he did not respond, as I know he didnt but I told him it is worrysome for me because she can influence him into emailing her. He doesnt agree but that is no surprise.

I did not yell coach or lecture. I told him that I am willing to do anything to save us, but if it doesn't work than I will walk away knowing that I tried my best. his reply was "stop threatening me". He always gets defensive, that is what makes me angry. I told him that it was not a threat, I just needed him to know how I felt in case it should ever happen again, he cannot ask me to try again knowing this. (Hope that makes sense)

The texting really worries me, he thinks she will start texting me soon which of course will happen, but I can handle her better than him. He said that he is going to do whatever it takes to never have contact, and that he means it this time. Don't worry, I know not to invest in that.

I am going to install a keylogger on our home computer. I found his hidden work laptop at home last time so he will not bring it here again. He starts his days off on Wednesday so if he is going to contact her it will be from the home computer.

The conversation wasn't as bad as I thought it would be but it was not pleasent either. He wasn't too happy as I insisted on the number change although I knew it couldn't happen. Any ideas?

He is more than willing to spend more UA together and do more activities together. That is a good thing. But I am not convinced that I will not find another email address. That concerns me.

This will not DO. Every text will trigger him and pretty soon he will be back in contact. Calling you when he recieves something will not solve the problem.

Even if he has to go to his boss and get a different #, that is what he should do, new. This will not do.

Why won't he bring the laptop home?

New, is it possible for him to switch phones with someone else? Have YOU talked to the company YOURSELF about changing the number and explained why it is necessary?

good job!

Thanks for all of your input. Here are answers to your questions:

1) The work laptop is supposed to stay with this work truck AT WORK. It was company violation to remove it from the premises. However with that being said, I plan to ask him to bring it home sometime this week and see how willing he is to do this.

2)Company Phone- They will not change the number, I have spoken to them. The company is a HUGE company, and million dollar jobs depend on him having that number.

3) He is willing to swap phones with me if I ask.

I have HUGE red flags going off right now. I went home yesterday after her text and he was on the computer. He just sat down to it. BUT he was acting nervous. He told me that he was going to surprise me with an email. I DON'T BUY IT.

After this, was when I gave him my list. And installed the keylogger. I really feel that he was getting ready to email her to tell her to stop texting him.

After the talk about the list, etc he became very withdrawn. All night. So, I think he is going to contact her today. He starts his week off today so I am going to keep a close eye on things.

I know I can go right into PLAN B but the truth is I need more time to do a solid Plan A. I need to show him what he is giving up. Not the crazy wacko I have been over the past year. And no, this isn't my fault, but I have had major mood swings and LOTS of LB's.

Hope this clears up some questions. I was thinking of texting my BIL and letting him know that I think he is going to contact her today but I do not want to put him in the middle. (My BIL an H work together) What do you think?

You only need about 1 more hour to do a solid Plan A. Plan A is simply your committment to meet his needs in the FUTURE if he ends his affair. Thats all it is. You can't actually meet his needs while he is in an affair anyway.

It is time to go in to Plan B now, because his affair has gone on so long that it is driving you crazy. That is WHY you have lovebusted him. Any more of this state of affairs and you will go postal. One of the reasons the affair has gone on so long is because there has been no consequences.

So i take it he KNOWS about the keylogger?

This phone can't be swapped with another employee? Does his boss know about the affair and has he been asked?

No he has no idea about the keylogger. I want solid proof that he is talking to her again.

The reason this affair has gone on so long is because she continues to call his work #. This is why this has to be a condition for recovery, new. That has to be fixed. This will not work as long as she is free to call his work phone. As you can see, every text pulls him right back.

I agree with you 100%, but what can I do if his work will not change it?

I changed my number months ago because she was texting me. I wish I hadnt because here we are months later and I have a new #.

I want to talk to his brother but will that be putting him in the middle?

Sure! That is a good idea to put as many people in the middle as you can.

And I would go with him to his boss and see about getting the phone changed out. That is in their best interest too. I work for a Fortune 500 company and that is how we would handle it. They don't want crazy embittered OW harassing their employees.

Another thing you can do is file a RO against her. Do you have an attorney?

new, here is the thing, as you can see, contact will never end as long as the OW can contact him in any way. Her text yesterday just triggered him. And it will keep him triggered.

This is why I said to put this in as a condition. Because this is hopeless without it. He is going to have to block all access even if he has to leave that job. If he can't figure out how to get another phone # at work, he is going to have to find another job.

Great point. What is an RO? No I don't have an attorney.

oh nevermind, restraining order..gotcha.

If he has already sent a No Contact letter I suggest sending another via certified mail return receipt requested along with sending it regular mail. If she refuses the certified mail and the regular mail does not come back as refused, that is proof to a court that she received the letter. In that letter I would put a PS on it stating that you intend to prosecute her for "stalking and harassment" if she continues to contact your husband (he actually needs to say this).

Then, if she continues, you can go to the Police Department and file a complaint with your letter as proof that she has been warned. More than likely you could get a protective order based on that.

Someone who has "lost everything" (according to her) has the potential of going off the deep end since she has nothing left to lose.