I have Joint Custody but I am never consulted on any matters. Does anyone know if me giving up my �Joint Custody� would assist with getting out of these extra expenses (Travel Baseball, Trips to Paris, Living in a House while in college and expecting to pay Room-And-Board)? My kids are older now and I do not see any advantage to JC.

I pay the normal Child Support (24%), Medical Insurance, 1/2 Medical.

My XW left me 5 years ago for our son�s Travel Baseball coach. We had been married for 19 years. Yes, it was a shock and came unexpectedly!
It was a tough time for years!

Today I am remarried, happy and have a great life with the exception of some Parental Alienation from the XW. She has married too but not the affair partner. I do see evidence that their marriage is imploding�marriage counseling, etc�

My youngest daughter calls me every night at 9:00pm; the other girl is in her own world. The other two show a ton of disrespect to me. They live 5 hours away.

I sued the XW for money she owed me. Not too much, probably about $10k or so. They appear to be well off but I am not sure. My main objective was to adjust our divorce decree and to get on record the abuse I have doused with.

There are varying degrees of PAS going on and she is extremely difficult to deal with. When she emails me, it is abusive and she lays it out for all to see that she is saying terrible things about me to the kids. Man, I could go on and on just on that subject alone!

At this point of my life, I realize that fighting through the court system will be ineffective. Plus I don�t relish all the Legal Fees. This is my first time to take her to court and I hope the last. In actuality it is mostly about money.

Her Lawyer is requesting that I pay for extra activities (cheer leading, baseball, etc�), college that encompasses an entitlement lifestyle that I can neither afford nor live up too.

My daughter has traveled overseas, been in sororities and other expensive activities. It appears that it will never end.

Yes, I am frustrated! Our Lifestyle follows the 'Dave Ramsey' / debt free style her the XW follows the 'Live For Today' style.

What does the divorce decree say? I would not pay for all those extras.....I can't even get my wXH to pay for our s on's swim $70 a month. He claims that is what he is paying cs for.

Oh and I wouldn't think Joint Custody vs. Sole Custody would affect what you are expected to pay for.

And even if you signed off on paying half of all those extras....I would definitely think you could get some relief from it if it is excessive and beyond your means.

Joint Custody really shouldn't affect the things that you mention.... I have one of those PAS X's and for a long time I foolishly just wrote checks and steamed about it. Then I researched my state laws and found a court ruling that layed out EXACTLY what child support is used for. In my state of Kansas, all those things you mentioned above are figured into CS. So I began telling my X no. We ended up back in court for some other matters and her atty told her no, then the mediator told her no, so finally she understands NO..... Of course it doesn't stop her from trying to play Goddess every now and then.

Another good one was she sent me like 4k in medical bills for almost a year period all at once. In my state and on our orders, she has 30 days to provide them. I said no, her atty belched and farted but realized he had no case. I just filed to get one more child off of child support and then 3 more years and I'm free from her financial madness.......

SW,

Thanks for responding! I know this type of email makes it seem that I want to get out of 'giving money to me kids'. But from my point of view this is how I feel:

1) I would like to have money to spend on the kids when they are with us.

2) Finish up my debt free issues (6 more months and counting) and become a soft place to land when or If the XW bottoms out. There is strong evidence that this will happen! She borrowed $25,000 from my 86 year old father. I believe she took advantage of him.

3) In our decree, I do not have to pay these things. But they will push for these soon.

I agree with others here. CS already covers the extras.

There are also forums at www.divorcesource.com ; www.lawyers.com and www.expertlaw.com where you can get free legal responses about child support, visitation, custody issues, etc.

Sorry to hear about the PAS issues.

I'm a custodial parent and am accused of PAS all the time. Be aware some of the issues with your kids may be age related (hormones) while others arise from their feelings about you and their mom splitting (even it it's not your fault.) Out of sight/out of mind/out of touch. Kids can also sense tension from a parent even if no badmouthing is present.

If you are concerned about the PAS, document, document, document. If you have extreme documented cases, the court may require counseling for the entire family and possibly adust custody status. However, most courts don't recognize PAS.

Keep your chin up.

LostHusband: Thanks for your reply!

I will check on my state CS laws or at least try too using the web sites mentioned above. My Lawyer says that anything is possible for a Judge to decide. My Lawyer also says that Life Styles are not relevant. I don't believe this! I guess I don't trust Lawyers...

Moose:
I know what you are saying about the Teenage years / Tension in the air and kids just being kids. And I do agree. On the other hand I can prove PA issues but I don't want to go through all the time-wasted analysis, court depositions, etc... My Kids are 11,16,17,21. And the 11 year old seems ok.

So I would say this is not a severe case of PAS.

I just do not understand her motives for this! After all she was the one that cheated, left and proceeded to villiaize me!

My Lawyer stated yesterday after our depositions:

BobJan, You are one lucky guy. She did you a huge favor in leaving.

I have to agree! Today at almost 50 years old, almost debt free and married to a great women who actually has a job! And she had no debt when we met! Plus she actually cooks, loves sex and is just a great person to be with.

My previous 19 years was a nightmare that I allowed to exist. Living check-to-check, the XW not working but spending and travelng. Man, I was such a SAP!

Looking back on my past marriage I suspect many other affairs. She had many a girls-night-out that seemed suspicious. They ought to teach this stuff in school!!

Wow, as a BW whose WH just filed for D, that is encouraging to hear! Congrats!