I like it.

Me too. Jennifer wasn't too sure about sending one out to co-works as the OM isn't employed there anymore. Other than that there aren't too many friends that this would have any affect on. Her best friend would be a lost cause and would more than likely back WW on any decision. I know that they don't say good things about me through texts.

I just sent the OMW a FB message. I noticed she lists herself as "in a relationship with OM". A few days ago she was saying that she was married to him. I think that I will send WW's family my note tomorrow morning. I'm really curious what OMwoman will say.

Well I sent my exposure letter to WW family this morning. I sent it about 45 min ago. Last night I sent the OMWoman the letter via FB. No word back from either as of yet.

Reading Gerkaguard's & SoL's thread has been very helpful for me as to better prepare what to expect and how to handle the exposure and any talks that may come up.

Reading OMWoman's Wall on FB is a little worrysome though. It looks as if they are on the rocks so to speak, and OMWoman appears to be the one who is fighting for their relationship. OM posted a few things telling her to keep it up.

Jennifer did tell me that the OM is going to have to LB for WW to start to see through the fog, so the OM relationship troubles may give him more chances for LB.

I really hope that my In-Laws are as supportive to this as SoL's. We will have to wait and see.

NW,

Do you know where OMW lives? Do you have her phone number? I really think an actual conversation would be more effective there. It would be great if you two could work together and 'compare notes'. You may also consider trying to direct her to this site as well. You know first hand how helpful that can be!

I wish you the best with the in-laws too. Just remember that when exposing, stay honest and approach it as a plea for help. Steer clear of 'villianizing' or bad-mouthing your WW. The truth alone is enough for most people to understand what is going on.

Brace yourself for the post-exposure tornado. She will say all sorts of scary things. Weather the storm and stay calm. Change the subject, but DO NOT LB!

I know you've heard it but it bears repeating- your marriage can survive her anger. It will not survive the third-party.

Stay strong and in time, the OM will LB plenty. Affairs will self destruct on their own. You are just helping it to disolve a little more quickly.

I just got a FB message from OWoman. She said that I Better not be F'in w/her as she doesn't have time for this. I replied and only told her about what WW confessed to so frar. That is enough to start the process at least.

I told her that I am sorry to have to ell her this again and referanced this site for strength and hope. So I am in contact with her now.

No news yet from the ILs yet. Thanks for reminder, they are HER family after all. I know the storm is comming, I hope that my training will take over and not my emotions. I am preparing myself the best that I can.

You just never know how they're going to react. Sometimes they suspected and are (kind of) glad to have their suspicions confirmed. Sometimes they knew but are in denial and get really angry. Sometimes they are blindsided and devastated.

Good job on doing that, though. OMW needs to know what he's up to with your WW. It affects her just as much as it affects you. What she does with that knowledge/info now is up to her.

I just got an FB message from the OMW. She just told me that her OM is 19yrs old!!!! That would mean that he worked with WW when he was 14yrs old...What are the chances? Same area (edit: general area, people around here tend to say they are from CHi-town when they are not), same name? I am more confused now than ever!!!

I need to call her employer and get more details about a previous employee.....

Maybe the OM is the 19 year old's dad?

I have done alot of investigating into the OM, so far NOTHING!! He does not have a 19yo son. I tried all the internet sites and all have come up with no phone #'s. I got a few address's but that doesn't help too much as I don't know the OMW name. I hired a PI, let's see what happens.

So her family knows about it now. She was very angry yesterday. After I put NW to bed, I was doing dishes and I turned the radio on (Lying eyes by the Eagles was playing if you can believe it!!). She confronted me and said her piece.

WW: How could you do this?
NW: I was going to ask you the same thing.
WW: Feel better now? Feel like the better person now?
NW: No.
WW: What did you hope to acomplish?
NW: Did you read the letter?
WW: You have serious issues.
NW: I know this.
WW: So now my entire knows about this, thanks....

She then went upstairs befor I could respond. I let her go and after an hour I went upstairs and asked if she was ok and if there was anything that I could get for her. She said she was fine.

I called FIL this morning.
NW: Did you get my email?
FIL: You're going about this the wrong way NW.
NW: I am not trying to hurt WW or your family in any way.
FIL: It's a two way street NW.
NW: Yes sir, I know that. I have done my fair share. I am aware of them and I am trying my best to correct them.
FIL: WW told us that she ended the A.
NW: She told me that too, I have reasons to think otherwise.
FIL: We raised our children to make decisions on their own. I suggest you two work this out and see counseling.
NW: I agree, she will not talk to a MC at all.
FIL: I don't know what to tell you NW.....

So after hearing that I composed another email and restated my case talking about the points from conversation w/FIL. I am really hoping that MIL and S/BIL jump on board.

WW didn't go to work today. I believe that she went to see a lawyer. Her car was there for about 2 1/2 hours. I called my lawyer and I am waiting for a call back.

That's about it for now. I guess I just wait, Meet EN, avoid LB, and see what happens w/the lawyer stuff.

Hi NW,

I exposed to Mrs. RIF's family and they blamed me for her A... Said that I 'taught her how to drink' and that was main reason...

If her parents aren't willing to help end the A, then don't have anything to do with them for now. I'm not saying that you should disown them, but for now, don't ask for their help.

You're doing good... and you're right, no Love Busters and try to meet her ENs!

Semper Fi,

RIF

It's just very frustrating. Jennifer helped me write this letter to WW. It is an outline to our new marriage. I gave it to WW Monday:

"WW, It is my hearts desire to have a new marriage where we can sustain true romantic love. Through my reading, learning and self-reflection I have had an epiphany. There is a path we can take to have a new life together. It is filled with romantic love, protection, happiness, admiration, and affection. My hope is that we can make these promises together and follow through with them.

A promise to be the source of each other's happiness.
A promise of protection; to avoid unhappiness.
A promise to spend at least 15hrs a week together.
A promise to give us a fully transparent lifestyle.
A promise to make all our decisions with mutual enthusiatic agreement.
A promise that we will not let anyone else meet out emotional needs.
A promise that we will have no contact with past lovers and people we have dated.

I would love it if you would take my hand down this path. I am commited to this path for you, me and NW5. It is one that can turn our every fantasy into reality. We have the oportunity to have an incredible marriage. A marriage where NW5's mother and father are able to sustain true romantic love.

Please let me know if you want to know more about this path...."


Jennifer told me that WW would probably ignore this note, and WW did. She even tore it up last night while I was doing dishes. I taped it up and left it on the counter. She saw it this morning and threw it away.

Jennifer also told me that whenever WW talks about the relationship I should refer WW to that letter. I will write a letter similar to this every couple of weeks before WW moves out.

PI just called me back and is meeting with me tomorrow with all his info on OM. He's only charging me $55.

Wait and hope........

Isn't that awesome? Most people don't hire a PI because they think it would be too expensive, but I'm sure people would jump to get tons of info on their OP for that low of a price.

Hey NW - So what did you learn about the OM from the PI?

Semper Fi,

RIF

And if the PI worked out, can you email me his name?

I'm trying to get info on an OW for a poster here and have tried EVERYTHING and come up with nothing.

The PI gave me what I asked for. He gave me pretty much all the public info for OM. Current and previous residences, phone numbers for those. Driving and registration records, I know what kind of car and the license info for the car. Known family and possible associates.

There is a lot of info, I have a few good leads and I am still sorting through it all. He had all this info in one day and drove 35 miles the next day to give it to me. He only charged me $55, I gave him $70.

S/BIL called me yesterday. We had a nice talk that lasted an hour. They wanted me to know that they are hearing me and feel my pain. They called on behalf of all the other S/MIL (not FIL), said they didn�t want to all bombard me and wanted to circle the wagons so to speak to make sure they are all on the same page.

They were very supportive and said that they are there to support us all. SIL is a counselor for the county and deals with this type of thing every day. She gave me some very good info on how to talk to NW5 about this whole mess. After the conversation she emailed me this:

SIL: Thanks for the good conversation this morning. BIL and I were happy to talk with you and hear your honest words. We can imagine that this time is very painful for you and WW and we are hoping that the work you both are doing will lead you to a healthy and safe resolution for all 3 of you. Good luck on this ongoing journey and thanks again for your candor this morning.

My Reply:
NW: Thank you so much for taking time to call and talk to me. It is very comforting knowing that someone is hearing you and may understand where you are coming from. Sometimes the truth hurts, but addressing and dealing with the issues is the first step (I believe) to healthy healing and recovery. I don't know what road recovery will take, but either way I intend to have my head up at the end of that road.

I believe that they felt and appreciated my honesty and openness. WW�s family has been through this before with another SIL, except other SIL was the BS. Her H left and married his AP. I don�t know what kind of support will come but I certainly feel better about contacting them.

As for WW, she is withdrawn more now than ever. After NW5 is in bed, she goes to bed and watches TV. Every night I go up and ask her if she is doing ok and if needs anything. I have to ask her questions two times before I get a response from her, and it is always a very short answer.

She did text me this morning asking me if I made it into work OK this morning and if I need a ride home. I ride my bicycle 20 miles round trip to work every day. We have bad weather today.

She is still sticking to that she ended the A. She keeps a death grip on her purse though and still wants to sign the lease on 08 May and still has no interest in recovery.

WW is going to see her enabling best friend this weekend 2 � hours away. By enabling, I mean that her BF will support WW in anything, as long as WW is happy. I don�t know how I feel about this. I think it will be a huge LB if I tell her she shouldn�t go.

Jennifer told me that OM is going to have to do the LBing for the fog to clear, so I don�t see too much of an issue with her going. On the other hand she may return even farther engrossed in the fantasy. BF may be WW�s only safe haven. I know that there is nothing that I can do at this point to end the A (other than expose to OMW) but I�m torn about this weekend.

Your thoughts?

You do not allow her to remove the child from the marital home without litigating it in court. If she moves out of the marital home, then I would hit her with legal separation and ask for custody. Hit her smack in the face with the consequences. Strategize with your lawyer the best path forward. Document all that you are doing for your child. Show you are the more responsible parent.

NW,

My WW has two enabling friends that she spends most of her time with. With one, I don't know how supportive she was of the affair, but she just wants my WW "to be happy". My WW used going out with this friend as a cover for meeting the OM, so I'll never be comfortable around her.

The other is a known swinger who my wife went to with every sordid detail of the affair and checked in with after even so much as a phone call with the OM. This one is NEVER welcome in my house, though my wife still sees her.

Now for practical advise: All you can do is tell you wife that you see the friend as an enabler, and that it hurts you deeply every time she sees the friend. Tell her this once, but make it very clear how you feel.

After that, don't bring the issue up again. You CANNOT forbid your wife from seeing this friend, it will only blow up in your face. Your wife, of course, will continue to see the friend. Nothing you can do will change that. Show no reaction from here on out when she tells you she's going to see the friend. Your wife will remember your feelings and know that it hurts you.

Hi NW,

I agree with Schtoop. You need to clearly let her know that it hurts you when she visits her enabling friend, then let it go.

*Edit* Thanks Schtoop! I meant what you said, but didn't type it!

Semper Fi,

RIF

No, no, no, that's not what I said.

Saying that you "don't approve" of said friend is a giant lovebuster and can only be viewed by your spouse as being "controlling".

You need to say this, and the wording and intent is very important: Simply say "It hurts me deeply when you see this friend."

You never tell her to stop, never tell her you don't approve. Just let your wife know how it makes you feel, then how she reacts is her choice.