What signs do you look for to see if your spouse still has buried feelings. How are we able to actually see what is real and not what we want to see. Is thier simply still having contact with you enough to be a good sign ?<BR>How do you evaluate correctly the other persons emotions or feelings.<P>Give me your take on withdrawl ?? What are the stages of withdrawl ??

Okay, the stages of withdrawl are exactly like the grieving process:<P>Denial/Disbelief - which in this case means that they think they can handle it all: the friendship, the relationship with the OP.<P>Anger - which means that they are angry they have to do this. Angry that they have to give up the OP.<P>Bargaining - which in this case means that they're still finding a way to make it work with both the affair-ee (if you will) and the spouse.<P>Depression - Deep, all-emcompassing depression. Realizing the pain they caused, feeling bad about that, maybe feeling bad that they have to give up the person they "loved". <P>Acceptance-which means they accept the situation and are working to repair the marriage.<P>You can go back and forth through the stages, even going back to stage one at times.<P>The buried feelings: I would put big money on the fact that the buried feelings are there for quite awhile, unless something happens that makes them "hate" the other person. But bear in mind that hate and love are closer to each other than you think, and that hate is a strong emotion. The idea is that they neither hate nor love the OP. <P>I'd say to accept (the best way you can) the process and be there to pick up the pieces. I KNOW how unfair it sounds...<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>