Please lift my husband and I up in prayer. (There is a prayer request that may further explain all that is happening in the prayer forum.) We have encountered another obstacle, for him, it is a huge love buster. It is that my daughter is pregnant. She is from my first marriage and is 18. She has been living with her father. He is throwing her out because she won't get an abortion. <P>Without going into huge detail let me just say that this child has caused a huge amount of the distress in our marriage. <P>She has been a source of problems sense she was a very young baby. She is schizophrenic. Now she is 18 and we have less control over here than ever before. She was considering adoption and now I believe she is going to keep this baby. She is moving in with my current Mother in Law. A wonderful Christian woman. This is part of the problem. My daughter is so detrimental to a home and people that my husband is so worried and angry that she is going there. My mother in law can barely afford to live. We had to slip her money for food the other day. We don't have spare change either but we have more than my mother in law does.<P>My husband is contemplating leaving again. Says I come with too many problems. He never has had much coping skills. That he doesn't know if he has the strength to endure it. He says that I come with too many problems. That is just me. Even though I have no control over the other people in my life (i.e., my other children) He says that he wants a life without all the complications. The OW had a simple life he says. He longs for that simplicity.<P>Through all this he has confessed again that he doesn't love me like he feels he should love a wife. Yes, he loves me and that he is falling a little in love with me. He says that he feels better about me than he has in a very long time. He says that he knows it won't be like when you fall in love with a new person. That is an intellectual thought but, his feelings and wants are getting in the way. <P>He still works with the OW. Can't leave his job. He is 8 years from retirement. He is still in love with her. Or thinks he is. He has put in for transfers that could help with this situation. <P>He wants me to back off some. Not give him cards etc. He doesn't want to read how wonderful he is and how much I love him because "he is not wonderful." That is his words not mine. He says that he is "a selfish pr@#$." Again his words <P>He wants to love me again and for the life of him can't figure out why he doesn't. I say it is because he is harboring feelings for this OW. How do you be in love with two people at one time?<P>I am working so hard at no love busting...to be the kind of wife he wants and deserves. <P>I have been crying so much the skin hurts under my eyes. <P>I think he really does love me. That he just is confused himself. He won't leave because he has a job to do with raising our 14 year old daughter. He doesn't want to give up the house, deal with friend of the court. Still I think the bottom line is he really does love me.<P>His father did the same thing to his mother many years ago. He came back home because the OW didn't want him any longer. He stayed for another five years and left. That legacy scares me to death. <P>Sorry this is so confusing. I feel that I am at whit's end. I am so tired of feeling sad. <P>I also want to say that I know I have it so much better than many of you here. Please don't misunderstand. I am counting my blessings. Still though I am in great pain. I am praying daily for all of you and my heart breaks to read many of your posts. I often shake my head and am amazed that you guys are surviving what you do. <P>Sorry this is a rambling mess. I guess it is because I am.<P><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

I am so sorry for what you and your family are going thru. <P>Please take care of yourself - everything else will come into place with time. That is the most important thing for you at this time. <P>I will pray for you all - good luck.<BR><P>------------------<BR>d is for dog<BR>h is for hope<BR>j is for joy, pure joy!<P>

Oh Samantha!!<BR>I am hurting for you and angry for you.<BR>The OW only appears to come without problems because it isn't a full relationship. All company manners and no real dirt. Does he really think she doesn't come with problems? Nobody does.<BR>You know you are in my prayers.<BR>Now, The daughter. does she know who the father is? I have an 18 year old and I know what a tough age this is. But they are adults now. She is going to ultimately have to be responsible for this. Sorry if I sound harsh but I've been there. I was pregnant at 19. She is old enough to be responsible. I know the schizophrenia is an added stress. <BR>Darn this is a tough one. You and your marriage are going to have to come first. Try to encourage the adoption if you can. My cousin had to adopt and it is so glorius to see how happy adoptive parents are when they finally get that baby. The baby they have longed for. <BR>Not much help here. Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and praying!

Dear DHJ,<P>Thanks for posting and the prayers. They are very much appreciated. I need it bad. I am so over sensitive now it is crazy. I'll be praying for you too.<P>Dear Wasstubborn,<P>Thanks so much. My soul sister. If I remember correctly you and I have very similar back grounds. I will remember what you have said. I intend to make my marriage first. My extended family though sure makes me feel very guilty. <P>Thanks for your prayers. Those and your words are very much appreciated. <P>I'll naturally keep praying for you and yours too.<P>Boy oh boy I am so thankful for this site and all the wonderful people I have met here. Don't know that I'd have made it this far without all of you! <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

I will lift you up in prayer.<P>I want to second the fact that the OW is simple is a fallacy. She has no relatives or job problems or never gets sick or nothing unexpected happens? Of course not. She's just able to hide the crap from your H. The OW in our situation "needed" my H because HER life was complicated...whatever...<P>You see how it is all a delusion? I didn't need my H, with our 2 adolescent daughters?<P>Now, he needs his space because with everything going on with our kids he can't "think". Sheesh. There are times when my H says he selfish I want to join right in and agree...<P>I feel for you Samantha.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

Lor,<P>Thank you so much. I have been following your posts. I am so sorry for all your going through. <P>I understand about you wanting to chime in and agree with your husband.<P>Someday we will all be healed of this horrible malady. <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

I still am having this overwhelming feeling of sadness and other bad feelings. Just pulling this to the top for encouragement and prayers. <P>I am so confused. Help.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Samantha-MI (edited October 25, 1999).]

Samantha<BR>I was wrong in my first post when I said your marriage had to come first. I think it's time for YOU to come first. Sometimes we commit so much energy to the marriage that we forget about us.<BR>You are tired. You are scared. Time to take care of yourself and be a bit selfish. I know that's going to be really tough for you. <BR>Can you try to think about the you that is seperate from all of this and figure out a way to nurture that person. you need to get your strength back up in order to deal with this stuff. The only way that you can do that is to be a little selfish and think about yourself.<BR>I am learning a lot about the cycles. the anger/depression/fear....<BR>It all goes around and around. I'm in a new cycle again today as a result of weekend events. This morning I see that it is time for me to think about what I need in order to get through this. I haven't got any of that. I try to focus on the good things. But certain very important parts of the process have been ignored or skipped. That is why the cycles continue.<BR>Try to think about you okay? Separate yourself from this mess and think about healing yourself. You think about others so much that you are forgetting someone very important!!!!!!

Samantha,<BR>I am praying too. <P>I agree with Wasstubborn... try to encourage adoption. As a woman who has not been able to have a child of my own, I know how much love I have for such a specail gift... a child. If our situation was different, I would be looking at adoption right now. <P>Thoughts & Prayers,<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

Wasstubborn,<P>Thanks for the second reply. I am not sure I am capable of it but, I think it makes great sense.<P>Butterfly,<P>I will say a prayer right now that it all gets better and you and husband are able to do all you wish for in the near future. <P>Thanks for your prayers too!<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Samantha-<P>Sending you prayers and strength and peace.<P>May God give you wisdom and touch your family with His presence.<P>You are a brave and wonderful woman. <P>God Bless,<P>Cheryl

hi sam, saying prayers for you, h and your daughter.<BR>What a mess. (((hugs))) cl

Dear CeeCee,<P>Thanks for you prayers and words. I really could use the strength and wisdom. I sure as heck don't feel brave or wonderful. It does how ever make me feel good that someone thinks so.<P>CL,<P>Thanks for the prayers and hugs too. Much appreciated that is for sure. <P>I tell you I am one very blessed woman with all the love & support that I get from this forum. I find myself thanking God again for this site. Where would we all be??????<P>All of you are being lifted up in my prayers as well. Headed to the mantle to light a candle as I leave this computer. <P><B>Night all and may the peace, love and understanding that comes from God touch you all. Thanks... {{{{{HUGS}}}}}</B><P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Hi Samantha -<P>Hope you slept well!!<P>I am so sorry for all that is going on with your family.<P>I agree that you need time for you and to get away from the stress, tension and pressures that are currently going on.<P>I'll take it one step further and say that I think that you and your H should make some time TOGETHER to have some lighthearted play time!!!!<P>Nothing like stress to keep people wanting to get away from it in whatever way possible.....if you both "get away" from it together than the bond grows stronger...<P>Does that make sense?<P>HUGS and Prayers to you and yours,<P>Sheba

Sheba,<P>Thank you so much for responding to my post. I really appreciate your wishes, prayers and advise.<P>Oh yeah by the way I did sleep well.<P>I agree with you on getting away and wanting to get away from the stresses in our lives no matter what we have to do. I wish my husband would see it your way. <P>We don't have the financial ability to really get away. I have been thinking of trying to go away by myself for maybe a week. Maybe he would miss me? Find he loves me more than he knows? I am not sure.<P>Another part of the problem here is my husband has a depilating hip problem that has flared it's ugly head again. It causes him to walk in pain, roll over in bed it pain and stand up is very painful too. <P>He is very athletic and so it is driving him nuts. We were spending time together biking and roller blading. (Things he really enjoys and was doing with the OW.) Now we aren't able to do that together and he can't even exercise at home.<P>That too is contributing to his misery.<P>He told me last night that I am not even going want to be with him if this keeps up. He will just be a b@#$%#d he says. I of course plan on being with him no matter what.<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Just a short update here. Things don't seem to be all that much better.<P>My daughter is becoming more and more of a problem here.<P>Husband says everything is fine but, I can feel the distance.<P>Is it time to give up? <P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

Samantha-MI,<P>It is never time to give up unless you truley feel in your heart that is what you want. No one ever told it was going to be easy, it is a lot of hard work. Hang in there. My prayers are with you.

Samantha,<BR>Don't give up. I understand so well how you are feeling. My daughter was a source of conflict for my H and I when she was a teenager. It does get better. Since your daughter is 18, make her stand on her own two feet, but let her know you love her no matter what. I have been praying for you, and thinking of you and your family. I will continue to pray for the restoration of your marriage. Please keep your faith in God, it is the only answer.

Well, maybe it is time to give it up to God.<P>I know, we never want to give up. But when there is nothing more you can do but pray, then that is the time that this is all you can do.<P>Just pray, Samantha. And let the chips fall where they may. That is called trust, and it is the only way that we can please the Lord, anyway.<P>The Lord knows your heart, and knows what is best. Just leave it with him, and I'll pray for your peace that passes all understanding in Christ Jesus.<P>TNT