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I agree with Jim. Skip all relationship talk for now. She will only see it as you picking a fight.
Go silent and send her something short and upbeat on Sunday.
You can ignore people if you find they are doing you more harm than good. Click on their name by their post, then go to their profile, and there is a link to ignore the user.
As far as WW's reply... hey, conflict is better than withdrawal as far as I'm concerned. Sure she's angry. That's good! It means the affair is dust.
Try to imagine her comments coming from a toddler trying to "reason" with you so that they can get their way. The fury is real, the logic is lacking, and if you can step back from it a bit, it can actually be kind of entertaining. Your WW is giving you the adult version of "I hate you and I wish you were dead and where are my real parents? My real parents would let me eat glue! Everyone I know loves glue and they are just fine!! You and your vegetables disgust me; I hope you're happy now that you've made me vomit because of your vegetables. I'll never eat another bite and then I'll starve and then you'll have to live with the guilt of WHAT YOU DID TO ME."
My apologies if my words about "sloppy seconds" hurt. I was projecting how I felt as time went on and I was healing from things.
The best advice I got when I was going through my he77 was advice I found repulsive and didn't want to hear.
Looking back it was the wisest advice I received and I wish I had followed it.
Things will get much worse before they get better. Your emotions will be a rollercoaster. You will go through crying and despair and you will have crazy swings from one extreme to another.
Your anger towards her and OM will be the worst you've ever felt towards another human being.
Some folks again have mis-interpreted what I've said about abuse victims. I haven't painted all of them in that fashion and I believe I made it clear that many don't act in this manner.
My intent is not to anger you, though it's obvious I have. For that I'm sorry. A BS suffers from fog as much as a wayward does. Our fog tends to keep us from doing smart things or paralyzes us with fear. Again, I've been there. I understand. You're obviously not one of the BHs frozen with fear of the WW's anger.
I really hope you're one of the happy stories on here. I understand your anger towards me. I felt the same towards some people who told me to throw her out with all her stuff. My anger came at myself as time went on as I healed. I didn't protect myself when I was in your shoes in terms of my kids.
I DONT want to see you go down that road, have kids with a woman like this, and then face this horrible situation again in your future.
Perhaps she'll change. I pray she does, especially if you decide to stay with her.
This sucks to deal with on deployment.
I know you don't believe me, but I'm rooting for you and do want a good outcome for you, whatever that may be.
Have you noticed that none of us are as outraged about her comments as you? Have you noticed that RIF and others are still guiding you? Have you noticed that you have been told her behavior is "normal"? Have you noticed that we have referred to her as an alien who replaced your W?
The reason you may have noticed these things is because as odd as it sounds, your W's behavior is absolutely textbook in her actions and words. While it probably will give you no comfort at this point, there is nothing "special" about her affair, her words, or her denial. There is nothing "special" about her rewriting history, abandoning all morals, and reneging on her sworn oath as an Officer in the US military.
RIF pointed out that most people get punished following an affair for lying under oath, not for the affair itself. She is lying, he is lying, and they will continue to lie until they are hauled before a board and the hammer of justice is lowered.
My recommendation is Time and Patience. Give this time, have patience with yourself, the process, and even her. Whenever, you start to get in a spiral, just say to yourself, T&P, T&P, T&P. I tell you this because "this too shall pass." It will pass Gerka, I promise you that.
RIF pointed out that most officers do NOT, feel that adultery is acceptable especially between members of the military. He is NOT lying. My best friend in the military and the best man at my wedding was a JAG, and even in those "old" days adultery was not condoned or accepted. And lying to a board was NEVER accepted.
I will tell you that you might want to forward what you heard about the OCS activities of your W. Some of her classmates may know more than you realize and under oath, surprises do come out.
Just remember, the MAIN goal is to end the affair, then there will be options.
They're running two separate investigations. I don't think they commingle them at all, but I could be wrong.
When I was investigating the LTC and civilian, the civilan had already moved back to the states and the LTC was still in A-Stan.
The CID from her home region contacted the CID in A-Stan and provded all of the sworn statements from her and left it up to the LTC's chain of command to do he investigation. That's how I ended up being "selected" to do the investigation.
It makes sense that they would hold separate invesigations since both service members are located at different bases... I would strongly suspect that the commands ARE sharing information between the two investigations. The most likely scenario would be an initial "fact finding" phase at each command followed by an evaluation phase.
The evaluation phase is where the notes of each investigation would most logically be "compaired" in order to ensure that both investigating offices have covered all of their questions.
Once this is done, the investigating officer will write up their findings based on the direction of the investigation. In other words, the Cdr has given each investigating officer a set of issues to investigate such as: Did LT Gurka's Wife violate Article 134 by having sexual relations with someone other than her husband? Did LT Gurka's Wife violate Article 92 by engaging in an improper relationship with OM in violation of the standing order of the CG? ...and so on. Same with the OM's investigation.
The investigating officer(s) will come up with their findings and state whether or not they met the criteria of violation for the various charges and allegations. These will be submitted to the commander along with the investigating officer's RECOMMENDATION to the commander. (Please note that each investigating officer will work very closely with the JAG throughout the investigation to ensure that they cover all of the bases and don't leave anything out)
It's ultimately up to the commander as to what punishment he/she will give out. I suspect that each case will go before a General Officer as they usually reserve the right to prosecute officers and don't let BN or Bde Cdr's handle cases like this.
So, relax, focus on Plan-A, and know that the wheels of military justice are turning. Both OM and your W are in a world of hurt regardless of the "outcome"... at a minimum, they will both get GO letters of reprimand, and that will ensure that they will NOT have much of an Army career.
Ok, it's another day, I've calmed down a little bit. I'll wait for tomorrow and send another light little message about my day, which I expect to be ignored at this point.
I woudn't worry about her using any of your e-mails... the investigating officer(s) will use the information you provided to come up with their questions...
It will be your W's and OM's responsibility to prove that your 'allegations' are false, and in this case, since you've provided the phone records that show hours upon hours of contact, they won't be able to prove anything.
And yes, the most likely will be "caught" because they lied during the investigation...
The phone records show 6 months of hours and hours of phone calls and thousands of text messages every month. If they say, "we're just really good friends" is that going to fly?
Just got back from lunch, had a pretty good workout afterwards. That Taylor Swift song "Should've said no" came on my mp3 player, I took it as a sign.
Given one chance, it was a moment of weakness, And you said yes
You should've said no, You should've gone home, You should have thought twice before you let it all go. You should've known that word about what you did with her would get back to me. And I should've been there, in the back of your mind, Shouldn't be asking myself why, You shouldn't be begging for forgivness at my feet, You should've said no, Baby and you might still have me.
Girly song, but whatever, it picked me up quite a bit.
Girly song, but whatever, it picked me up quite a bit.
Just got back from lunch myself... It's definitely starting to warm up here.
Glad that this song was abe to pick you up! You'll find that many songs that you've heard will have a 'new' meaning.
You're getting some great advice on the e-mails! I think I'll stick to other things as I'm not nearly as good as they are on putting my feelings down on paper.
WW unfriended my parents on facebook too. People that have picked her and dropped her off from the airport, got her a new tv for her apartment in AZ for Christmas, and always treated her like the daughter they never had. I can't believe it.
days adultery was not condoned or accepted. And lying to a board was NEVER accepted.