Ok well this isn't about me.... i found out last night from one friend that another friend is currently engaging herself in affair with a MM. Now i have confronted this friend that i know and she obviously knows my feelings on this topic. She is divorced in a relationship with another man but she states since what her ex did to her she doesn't feel safe with any man. That married men are safer because she knows what she is in for. Well i went off so to speak as to how this hurts me to know that she would do something to hurt another human being. her only response was well if it wasn't me it would be someone else. Well i hung up at that point.


NOW my question is i feel like i am responsible to try and find the MM wife and let her know. The question is i am not sure how to. I have some information about him but not enough that i have been able to find out exactly who he is and where he lives. Am i right that i should get involved if so how do i go about finding them?????

I sure would!

FB is the very first place I would start. What info do you have?

i have the MM first name and what he does for a living.... my friend doesn't have FB :'(..... i tried looking at people i thought he might be friends with that i am friends with and no luck.... i don't know his last name just what he looks like and his first name.

I firmly believe it is the moral thing to tell. That BS should have information about her own marriage and life that others have. I also think that the health risk they are putting her under, without her permission, creates a situation where you need to tell. STDs are terrible and HIV can kill. The OM could be bringing home any of those to his trusting wife. She needs to know.

What does the friend that told you know about OM? Or is that where you got the limited info already?

What is with all of the wayward and entitlement thinking? Doesn't anyone(other than the people on here) know how wrong this is and how much damage adultery does to A LOT of people? Sorry, rant over.

disgusted that's the problem and the issue i have i want to do the moral thing but i am at a road block. My friend does have an STD and i know she doen't care if others get it. I have known her for YEARS and since her divorce i have tried to get her to do the right thing... but this is way over the limit for me i can't stand by this especially after what happened to me. She does infact have an STD and that is why i want this MW to know what her wayturd husband is doing.

Scotland yes that is where i got the limited info from and the i have tried to get my friend who gave me that info to get me more she said she would "try" but doesn't think we should be involved. Again i reminded her of how she felt when this was happening to me and to her in the past and how she felt.

And yes i soooo don't get it the entitled thought process and i still don't today. I have an XH who is very much wayturdish still to the point we still have an IM as i can't deal with him directly. Tough when you have a 2 y/o but you know how that goes as i see from your thread.

ANY ideas on how to get more info from the limited i got would be appreciative.

What info do you have about the MM - first name, city, etc.?

first name.... general area he lives in... what kind of work he does now and what he did in the past prior to his current job.

Facebook is probably still the best place to start.

Look at emails that she has sent to you and lots of other people at the same time - he's probably on that list, too.

If the job is a fairly small field, or if he lives in a less populated area, that can be helpful, too.

Knowing she has an STD, I'd go even farther if that doesn't turn anything up - follow her to a meeting with him, then follow him to find out who he is.

thanks for the input neak. I have some info out trying to find out who he is with my ummm extended set of resources but so far the well is dry. I am gonna try facebook again as i know some people he is probably friends with. Also i think my other friend knows more than she is letting on so i am gonna try and get that info from her. She just lost her husband to cancer and feels that she can't lose anyone else that is why she doesn't want to stand up to her. But she i am confident i can get more info from her.

Thank you everyone for the input i appreciate it. I was just so frustrated with the situation and i couldn't see straight wanted to make sure i was using proper judgment.

You are definately using proper judgement! The world needs more people like you - willing to spend time and energy to help an innocent stranger! The STD is scary - and her WS may be with other women as well and who knows what they have!

ok found him!!!! problem now he doesn't have any people access to his friends..... hmmm let's see what the intellus does for me... ahh ok sorry walking through this.

Awesome! You are doing the right thing!

ok well i found the wife or whatever they are married but have completely seperate lives and live in different areas... Long story short she has her own set of "affairs" in her own life. Not sure what exposure would do to this at this point.

Try the plain old telephone book. Lots of times people are listed with their name and the wife's name, too!

You can click on his FB, if he has one, and click friends...kind of click on females....maybe find his wife. Lots of times he has a female friend who "happens" to be friends with the wife.

If you find the wife, and she is on FB, friend her under a phony name with message telling her that her husband is having an affair and YOU HAVE MORE INFORMATION. She will not ignore you.

You can give her more information under the phony name, or if you want her to know you then go ahead with a real name.

Or, if you have where he works, call the office. Tell them you are a florist and he had ordered flowers for his wife to be delivered at her work - but you don't have her first name correct - is her name Lisa, because you don't want to have the card wrong?? If you talk rather quickly, people are generally more apt to answer than if you speak slowly. Talk like you are in a hurry. Also, THANK the person in ADVANCE for their help - that also works. Chances are the receptionist will give you his wife's name if it is a small firm.

Gee. I am glad you are hunting his wife down. This "friend" of yours, BTW, could be less of a friend than you think. I wouldn't want her around MY H.

thanks's schoolbus i ended up finding both of them. Long story short she was in the paper about a year ago for something that would make you all sick.

At any rate they don't live together and actually live about 50 miles apart with seperate "affairs" going on. Now sure what i should do now or not.

I knew of him because he was a police officer that was thrown off the force for "indecent" procedures.

Walk away. They aren't work your effort then, because even THEY don't care about their marriage.


And your "friend"???


Maybe you should choose someone with a moral compass. Because if she will pick THAT guy, she will go after YOUR GUY without a second thought. Believe it, because nothing bothers her about making this moral decision - and it would NOT bother her about breaking up YOUR marriage.

This thought might hit you hard right now, but it is the truth. If you don't believe me, think about the idea that she has

already slept with OTHER married men

and hasn't given it one bit of consideration.


And was angry with you for even making her TRY to second guess that decision.


After all - isn't it YOU who has the problem with it????


SB

If this A has been going on for a while, I would still tell her about the STD. If it's only recently started, then it won't make any dif one way or the other.

Still, a standing ovation for you for being ready and willing to do the right thing. The effort you've made here wasn't wasted - it's a part of the good things that make up ... you.

And ITA with this:


When she repents, you can think about trying the friend thing again.

What a surprise - the WH turned out to be scum:

And what a surprise about the OP (your friend from your first post):



When you think about it, she got exactly what she's looking for.