I have been on here since last August and have received some great advice but I decided some time ago that I would be better off without my WH. He was not going to end his relationship so I asked him to move out (which took much longer than I would have liked). He moved into a nearby apartment in October. The OW lives 800 miles away. I never did Plan A or Plan B since I didn�t want to continue with the marriage.

My WH comes to the house everyday to get my sons ready for school and to administer insulin to my special needs son who needs special attention and care. I go to work at 4 AM which is why this is necessary. My WH and I also work at the same place. We have gotten along rather well through all of this which I think is important for the kids. I exposed early on to my children, his mother and family and my family. No one lives close.

WH has gone to see OW and she has come here. He applied for jobs near her and I expressed my dismay that he would even consider abandoning his children. He didn�t see it that way and was ready to go. Well, he didn�t get any of the jobs. Now, he isn�t looking for a job there anymore. I don�t know if that�s because he decided he can�t leave his children now or he�s putting it off because it interferes with his fantasy. There is no chance she will move here.

WH has managed to lead separate lives. He is still a cake eater although I don�t go out of my way to help him with anything. We do still talk about things (especially related to work) and he�s more involved with his sons than he ever was. They spend at least one weekend night at his place in addition to him coming to the house every day. A few months ago, I dropped him as my FB friend because the OW was posting stuff on his wall and friends of theirs from her city would talk about them as a couple. I�ve had no contact with her or them because I don�t know them and what�s the point? But, I didn�t need to see this crap so I dropped him.

I let close friends know that we had separated and that we would divorce soon and why. He told his friends that we both had agreed to the divorce because our relationship was over and then he met OW. I know this from the early days when I was spying.

We have not filed for divorce (no fault) yet because I�m the one who will have to do the work (I�ve already filled out the papers) because I always have to do the work (He�s clueless) and I have to hire an attorney to answer questions about our home�s mortgage. I�m in the house with the kids and it�s a house I can�t afford on just my salary and the child support he�s paying. He can�t afford to buy me out. We can�t afford to sell because it would be at a huge loss (complicated and I can�t afford the attorney right now) plus I�ve been in no rush to file because it doesn�t matter to me whether we have a divorce decree or not right now. It�s enough that we live apart. I don�t want to be hateful or vindictive or �get him.� I want us to maintain some sort of relationship that will hurt the children as little as possible. Let me be clear that I am not pretending. My behavior to and around my WH is truthful.

NOW TODAY � I got an email from a FB friend who I only know casually who is also WH�s FB friend (again, not a close friend to him either.) Apparently my WH has now announced on his FB page that he is �in a relationship with Skanky Whorelette.� I found this extremely hurtful as my WH has hundreds of FB friends, most of whom, are people he has met through our mutual workplace and who know me or of me through that work relationship. These people don�t know that we have separated or if they do why we have. The friend who emailed me was surprised to see someone else�s name, other than mine, linked to my husband and wanted to know if I knew and what was going on. My WH has taken great pains (as best as I can tell) to keep his two lives separate. By making that declaration he has just made two worlds collide. I wonder if he did it to pacify her in some way, especially if he�s told her that it may take longer than he thought to move there to be with her.

I emailed my husband (I was too angry to call him) to tell him how his action was hurtful and that if he was so keen on announcing to the world, his relationship, maybe he should file for divorce from me. (Months ago he said he wanted to divorce but didn�t want to rush into it or be hasty about it). I told him he would have to do the work; that I would no longer do anything on his behalf. I also asked him why, if he was so comfortable with announcing to the world his new love, he had never talked to either of our children about her. He�s never mentioned her. Ever. They only know of her because I told them. He has refused to answer questions from one son who has asked even though I have repeatedly asked him to talk to said son. I asked him if OW knew that he�s never spoken of her to our children. I asked him if he�s ever told anyone that their affair happened BEFORE our marriage was supposedly over and that the only reason our marriage was over was because I begged him to move out.

I am frankly a little surprised at how angry and shaken up I am over this FB thing. I�ve been doing a pretty good job of getting on with my life and past the anguish and debilitating hurt that plagued me in the first few months after D Day.

Anyway, I sent the angry email to my WH and his response (via email) was �I�m sorry if it upset you. I really had no idea that it would. I thought you had let everyone at work and all your friends know. You'd put something about it in your profile.�

What I put in �my profile� on my FB page was included in a narrative about my life. I said this: �After 15 years of marriage my husband and I have decided to split up.� No mention of an affair or why we were splitting up.

I�m not sure what I�m asking for here from you all. Maybe I just needed to vent. Or maybe I need validation that I�m not out of my mind for being hurt by this. Can anyone relate? Thanks for reading.

If and when you ever do divorce your husband be sure to depose him. It's your right under the discovery rules and will enable you to document forever that he had an affair and the affair ruined your marriage.

Otherwise, as you can plainly see, he's free to just make up his own history, say you two ended it amicably and THEN he met OW.

I'd also change your FB profile and name OW specifically as the cause of your marital breakdown. They don't need protection from the truth.

Other than that...you should be in Plan B by now. He's seperated and out of the house. You can allow him in to take care of the boys when you are not there in the a.m. but other than that all communication about the kids should be by email, he should be seperate from you at work, you should put a lock of some kind on your bedroom door so when he's in the house he doesn't have access to it and when you are IN the house use a chain on the front door so he can't waltz in.

Have you ever given him a Plan B letter? (sorry I haven't gone back to read your old posts...I remember you...just not all the details.)

Mr. W