Fred,

Gerk and his WW have no children or property to divide. The only thing they have is a dog, which she just said Gerk can have.

No one objects to Jeff getting a lawyer.

What is objectionable is how a certain poster, who Jeff has asked us to ignore, continues to disrespect Jeff's decision to try to save his M.

CPT.

I was just looking at something. She sent me some revealing photographs from her cell phone March 28th, at about 1000 in the morning. The metadata (information that's included in every picture) shows that the photos were taken at around 2230 the night before. The phone records show that she sent the exact same number of pictures to his phone number at 0030. It's circumstantial evidence, but what do you think RIF, would it mean anything to you as an investigating officer?

Absolutely its evidence. Remember the investigator is going to ask her if she sent revealing photos to the other guy. If she says no. Then he will ask her to produce the photos that she sent to him at 0030. Remember, guilty until proven innocent. Its not the same as civilian court. They will look at the # of photos sent too. Correct me if I am wrong, but don't picture have a specific amount of data, pixels sent? I think this is very damning.

Sadly they were sent as picture messages and don't include the file size. If they did it would be like a fingerprint for each picture.

Can you forward the pics to your email? The attachments on the email will show the size of the jpgs.

The pics are already in my email, and I have the pictures downloaded, that's how I was able to read the metadata. I know the size of the pictures, but I have nothing to match that up with because the phone bill doesn't show how much data was transmitted with each picture message.

Ok, lets see if I've got his straight:

- W take photos on cell phone at 2230hrs, 27 MAR 10

- W sends __# of photos to OM at 0030hrs, 28 MAR 10

- W sends __# (same # as OM) of photos to you at 1000hrs, on 28 MAR 10

I'm assuming that a No-Contact order was not in effect when these photos were sent... but yes, this would be a huge starting point to prove an improper relationship between W and OM.

One of the first series of questions that I would have for your W would be:

1 - Do you know who's phone number this is? (OM)xxx-xxx-xxxx
2 - Do you know who's phone number this is? (Gurka)xxx-xxx-xxxx
3 - Did you send photos to(OM) phone number at ~0030hrs on 28 MAR 10?
4 - Did you send photos to (Gurka) phone number at ~1000hrs on 28 MAR 10?
5 - How many photos did you send to (OM) phone number?
6 - How many photos did you send to (Gurka) phone number?
7 - Do you wish to discuss what the photos were?

As I mentioned earlier, most people get in trouble for lying during the investigation. If you produce phone records, then the investigating officer will already know the answer to all of these questions. If your W lies about any of them, she's in big trouble.

Now, here's how I think YOU can help the investigating officer. State everything in a factual manner and leave out any emotion in your statement. If you know what the photos are, then describe them as best you can. If the photos aren't too revealing, you might want to consider including the photos as part of your sworn statement. Even if they are a bit revealing, you still might want to consider including them in your sworn statement...

The fact that the investigating officer has the phone records that show the OM's phone number and that he received photos from your W, it would be pretty easy to ask the question of "Do you wish to discuss what the photos were?"

Again, they can either tell the truth, or lie. If the investigating officer(s) have your sworn statement AND the photos, it will be pretty hard for OM or your W to lie their way out of it...

I think this is good news... If you have time, you might want to take a copy of your sworn statement to the JAG tomorrow and have them take a look at it.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Sad.

We often read how, "No one will think ill of you if you choose to divorce your wayward spouse." Why is the opposite also not true?

Even knowing what I know today and having resolved to divorce and move on --because that is the better, healthier choice for me-- I can't help but have those "what if" moments from time to time.

To me, it's not only understandable that someone would want to recover their marriage. If that wish sucks them down into the vortex of despair and insanity, I might try to counsel them to consider the alternatives, but ultimately, the choice is theirs, and so it should be.

Report away RIF. I don't see how my statement is any different than saying that WW'es are selfish, have had their brains scrambled by aliens, or, in a less pc statement, waytards (not words I've ever agreed with or used myself).

Yes, I stand my my statement. Waywards are evil, selfish people. What else could you call someone who breaks their vows, lies, files false allegations, rewrites history, breaks the 6th commandment, manipulates, and does everything in their power to get rid of, hurt, and villify the BS?

Much worse has been said about waywards on these boards.

htld,

You said Your responses to Gerka are getting tedious and annoying. Do you have any idea how many FWW's there are on this site? Do you have any idea how many marriages survive affairs? ALOT is the answer. Your characterization does Gerka no good. what he is trying to determine is if he breaks up the affair, will his WW become a FWW. If so, is the marriage worth proceeding with.

He is not stupid and you keep talking to him as if he were. I find that very very annoying. He is following his plan about as well as I have seen anyone do it, and that seems to annoy you. Why?


Gerka: You are doing well. The investigations are going to bring a lot of repercussions to OM and WW. This will offer you a chance and some insight into where your future lies. Keep working the plan and you will gain the data you need. You are right you definitely don't want to be making big decisions right now. But, you sure want to collect the data.

I hope your visit to the JAG tomorrow helps enlighten you about the D papers.

JL

Your post wasn't about waywards. It was about wayward wives. Big difference. That speaks of a personal issue of yours that is distracting to what Gerka is trying to do. And when it's applied in the context in which you applied it (pushing Gerka toward D) you muddy the waters of his plan. Poor posting.

The only paragraph of any real value to this thread was your last sentence:
"But please, whatever you do, don't simply ignore these papers. Don't acknowledge them to her, but consult someone about them."

It's going to take more than ending the affair for her to go from WW to FWW. Committment to the marriage, acknowledgent of the betrayal, acceptance of accountability, and adoption of MB prinicples are required before that F can be earned.

A FWW acknowedges how nasty and shortsighted they were during that time period. They worked hard and earned the F in front of WW. They have also been the best sources of advice here for a BH looking for guidance.

I stand by my statement about waywards. There's a big difference between them and someone seeking to save their marriage.

The Titanic has struck an iceburg (divorce papers are filed) and everyone is focused on rearranging the furninture. Time to get to the lifeboats and make a plan to survive (consult a lawyer). The hole might be patched up and the ship may not sink, but it's time to plan for the worst and hope for the best.

RIF,

If Jeff includes one of the pics in his sworn statement, is it possible that an investigator will hand OM the pic and ask him if WW sent it to him?

The investigating officer is normally given several key questions to answer based on the accusation. In Gurka's case, he's alleging that OM and his W are involved in an inappropriate relationship and are committing adultery.

I don't know what the Cdr (with the assistance of a JAG officer) listed as his "directions to the investigating officer", but based on the directions, the investigating officer can pretty much make up whatever questions he or she feels will best answer the Cdr's directions.

If I were the investigating officer and had a sworn statment from Gurka along with some racy pictures that Mrs. Gurka allegedly sent to OM, then I would definitely ask the OM about the photo. I'd probably start out asking the same questions about the phone numbers, then finally ask about the photo. If OM lies about any of the questions, he's going to be in deep trouble for lying under oath.

Lying under oath is a VERY serious offense for a military officer.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Think for a moment. They have had months and months of phone calls and contact. This is not the matter of a few contacts. You have texts and calls late at night, while this guy is supposed to be in bed with his wife. The investigators are going to look at this and ask themselves. "How many wives are going to be OK with their husbands talking and texting to another woman all evening. Gurka can also testify to the fact that the OMs wife gave him the phone number of his WW secret phone. The investigators will ask her if they can see the phone records for it. Gurka there is a mountain of evidence of an improper relationship if no adultery. The more info to sift through the more chances of them slipping up with a lie.

The OP was correct- all your WW is thinking about here is herself. Do not be surprised by anything she may do or say. When I was wayward I said alot of swful stuff too. What's hilarious to me is that I thought I was original until I read that all waywards say the same things!

She's an addict now- and the OM is her drug of choice. I don't know much about the military and what else is going on in your post- but I think you're doing a great job.

All this stuff about what may or may not happen in the course of the investigation and the subsequent questioning is the equivalent of trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. It's stuff out of your control.

Focus on what you can do. What info can you provide that that will help the investigators?

What can you do for you out there?

Focus on that stuff.

You have no control over your WW's actions, thought process, or what may or may not happen during the investigation.

Thinking of that stuff can consume you and it will get you nowhere other than distracted and depressed.

Please take care of yourself. It's all you can focus no right now.

There's good advice coming from a lot of directions, but I completely agree with HTLD. Why on earth does he need to be "reported" for saying WW's are evil and selfish?

They are! So are WHs, but Dr. Harley himself has acknowledged that WWs are far more difficult to recover. They are a different breed than WHs.

And a "good" husband (like I tried to be), who is confused about caring for, listening to, and respecting the wife he used to have, runs the extreme risk of getting hit by a legal freight train.

MelodyLane could explain this a lot better than I could...

But I don't see why he is being reported. He's right, and Gerkaguards would be wise to listen to him at this point.

Good luck, GG. Keep doing the right thing so you can keep your head held high. She is going to self-destruct if she continues down this path.

IMHO, you should divorce, and fight back (fairly) to get a good deal. Don't let her walk away with more than she deserves.

You would be AMAZED at how many WONDERFUL women there are out there who would love and support you, and make you their world. Doesn't that sound nice? Guess what? That's the kind of woman you deserve! And there are PLENTY of them out there.

You have no children. You are young and have a long life ahead of you. Do you want to do the hard work of rebuilding and restoring trust / marriage with a wife who could do this to you again?

I was in your shoes, and I severed. It hurt like heck at the time, but I had to do it to preserve my self-respect. Guess what? After I healed, I met someone else... Now I have the most loving, caring, respectful, HONEST woman in my life. That, my friend, is what you deserve too.

Hey Gurka,

It's 2230 here and I need to get some sleep.... and it's 2400 there!

Try and get some rest and let us know how your JAG appointment goes tomorrow.

Semper Fi,

RIF