Here's my story....I have been married for 5 yrs to what I thought was my perfect husband. About 3 weeks ago I discovered that my husband has developed an emotional relationship and began to fall in love with a girl he met....They have known eachother for about 5 months...he asked me for a divorce because he feels he loves her. We have a 3yr old daughter together....to be honest I never saw it coming....I know that every marriage has its issues and disagreements but I didn't think our issues were sufice to break our marriage....I have decided to forgive and work on our marriage if he decides to try as well....he has agreed to try and to begin counseling, however he says he has no feelings for me that he no longer loves me and doesnt see us staying together.. I'm sconfused and don't know how to deal with his confusion Is this something that can be worked on aor is their no hope? If anyone has any experience in this similar situation please help me?

Yes, we've heard this exact things hundreds of times...there is nothing "special" about this A.

The VERY FIRST THING you need to do is EXPOSE this A to everyone who matters ~ the OW's H, her family, your H's family, your family, all close friends; if they work together expose to their workplace (no excuses, we've heard them all before...he might lose his job, yadayadayada...it doesn't matter, it needs to be exposed anyhow).

That is your first move because you cannot begin to recover until the A is OVER. And trust me, if you haven't exposed, it isn't over ~ they've just taken it further underground.

Please read up on exposure and get your game plan together. You need to do this ASAP.

Also I forgot to add that the girl has been removed from the picture after he asked her to leave him alone and to stop contacting him so that we would be able to work on things...Also throughout this he has explained to me his resoning for falling out of love with me and I have been working on correcting those things that effected his love bank. I have made drastic changes in my way of reacting and my day to day mannerisms....I'm more than willing to try because after everything we have been through together I feel that this has been a lapse in judgement and phase of confusion for him...due to his lack of explanation and confusion about his own emotions...

Everyone knows..and both sides of the family have made their feelings clear to him....One thing he has said is that he does feel bad and that he feels sad that he hurt me...however he does say that he cant control what hes feeling and cant even begin to explain his emotions.....He is in law enforcement and is veteran. His lack of explanation for emotions has been the norm for him in his inability to express emotions.

Just because he said they are no longer in C does not mean this is true...he's been lying through his teeth for how long now? And I know you WANT to believe he is being truthful now, the fact of the matter is it almost NEVER happens that way.

I suggest you put a keylogger on his computer, possibly a voice-activated recorder and/or gps on his car and begin watching VERY carefully. If he is still this withdrawn there is a REASON for it and most here will tell you it's because C has not ended.

And I know from experience because this happened to me...I found out about the A and was told it was over, NC was in place. Ten long, hellish months later I found out it was all a big fat lie. NC had never been established, and this is very common, unfortunately.

hi there, so sorry you find yourself in this position in your marriage.
I hope you are given an opportunity to check his phone, email accounts and phone records so you can have piece of mind that the affair has stopped, he sounds like he is willing to try again so he wouldn't mind.
Trust is a huge obstacle to overcome but it can happen.....
They all say they don't love you, mine did too.....6 months later he admits that just wasn't how he felt, he said he never stopped loving me.....
He needs to realize how he could have put himself in that situation while he was married. He needs to figure out how to set boundries for himself so he never is in that situation again. Work on the marriage issues and make sure the two of you take care of each other's needs and remember it doesn't happen overnight. Kudos for you to try to forgive and save your family......

Welcome.

Did he confess to the affair, or did you find out?

Sorry you are here but welcome none the less.

How old are the two of you? Is this the first marriage for both of you? How did your WH and OW meet? I am also sorry to tell you that this is most likely not just emotional. Most WHs don't leave their family for emotions alone.

Thanks to all who have responded....I have acces to everything and he has definately had no contact within the means of phone and email and fb or anything I have access to or can get just because I know his stuff too well.... Outside of my control if there is any contact I'm still unaware all I can do is hope and give the benefit of the doubt even if he doesn't deserve it.

I confronted him after my suspicion... My exact words were " I don't need your conformation or proof... I know.... At this point just be honest to yourself... I know who she is.... What's going on..... Where do we go from here?"
At that point his only choice was to admit...

This is the first marriage for the both of us.... We were hs sweethearts and married young due to his active duty. After 2.5 hrs of marriage we welcomed our daughter to the world....I am now 24 and he will be 26.

Part of his resoning for his behavior throught all of this is that we married young and thT he made a mistake... He's young 25 and wants to be 25 and party and meet girls.... Alot of selfish and immature reasoning.
I have never known him to act this way even during our hs days...

Hello and welcome to MB, HopeFaith23. :-)

When you say "met," do you mean your DH met this OW through physical means or strictly through emotional meeting(s) only? Not that is makes a big difference, EA's are just as bad as PA's and they can do just as much damage, I just want to be sure I'm understanding your story correctly.

In addition, I find it odd that anyone would ask for a D from their spouse simply over an EA with someone they've never even "physically" met (a D is a big jump to take if there is nothing but a five month long "meeting of the minds" taking place). As much as I hate to say it, this A of your DH's sounds more than just emotional to me. If I were you, I would definitely be doing more snooping to find out for sure. I mean, honestly, who READILY gives up a marriage AND a family for the sake of something that may not even truly turn into anything more than what they've already got? It is rare for someone to ask for something as big as a D unless they ALREADY have a "safety-net" (ex: someone else to fill the void) to fall onto.

Hmmm, this statement of his sounds pretty lame, IMO. If it's true that he's a young 25 and he wants to be a young 25 out partying and meeting girls..."then why on Earth would he even want to CONSIDER hooking up with this OW (that he "feels" he is in love with) in the first place anyway?" Does he actually think that he will be able to party and meet girls more easily by divorcing you and hooking up with someone else instead??? Somehow, I don't think so! Sorry, but I really do think there is more to his A story than what meets the eye, his "story" just doesn't add up.

Regardless of what you do, I do wish you the best and I hope that you find the answers you are looking for (and this place is definitely a good place to start finding them).

Best of luck to you, HopeFaith23. Sorry you have to be here but glad to have you here all the same. xox

Part of his resoning for his behavior throught all of this is that we married young and thT he made a mistake... He's young 25 and wants to be 25 and party and meet girls.... Alot of selfish and immature reasoning.
I have never known him to act this way even during our hs days... [/quote]

I have to agree with all of the other posters...he is lying to you. My WH said the SAME thing to me when we were about your same age. "We married to young, he didn't get to do all the fun stuff, we grew up way too fast. Blah Blah Blah. Fast forward to Dec of 2009 and I discover his "on line flirting" (his words not mine). March 2010 and I discover that it was really a PA....Oh and he had two other ONS. The first one with his ex-girlfriend when he was complaining about never getting to party and marrying too young. He wanted a D at that time and I couldn't figure it out. Looking back all the signs pointed to an A I just didn't want to see it.

Start snooping like you never have before. People just don't sit around for 5 months whispering sweet nothings in each others ear. My WH latest A was only 3 months from start to finish and the OW lives 6 hours away. When there is a will there is a way. SNOOP!