I'm sorry, NW. One can only keep giving and giving with nothing in return for so long. I think we've all been there, I've played out the monstrous love-busting conversation in my head a million times. The one where you lay out exactly how horrible, how selfish, how deceitful, and how out of control your spouse is in the most realistic and insensitive way without any regard to what happens.

One would think it feels good, but I know it really doesn't.

Hi NW

It truly is a crazy roller coaster ride! Your emotions will probably be changing daily or even hourly and sadly this goes on for a long time.

I find it interesting that you found your WW snooping on you! She is obviously concerned over what information you have gathered. Or why bother?

I so wish you could expose her affair. I think it will totally disrupt the dream world she is living in, quite likely the OM will throw her under the bus to save his marriage. Plus, I feel so sorry for the wife of the OM. Have you had any luck at all tracing him?

I'm sorry NW, I hope the ride evens out for you again.

This affair has not been exposed? Why? Expose ASAP!

I exposed the A to WWs family. As for OM, I dropped letters off to known family and associates. We'll have to see how that plays out, they should start receiving the letters tomorrow. I haven't exposed to work as Jennifer felt it would be over the top as OM doesn't work there anymore.

WW caught me in her car this morning. I just finnished hiding the VAR. All she saw was that I was looking in her car by the driver seat, I don't know if shee snoop around and look for anything. If she finds it and confronts me I don't know how I should handle the conversation. I think that I may just say to her exactly what I have been doing with the VAR and ask her if she still is still standing by her story. Don't know what else I should say or tell her.

I still want to save my M, but the tank is getting low. I'm not as disgusted as I was yesterday. I watched Fireproof last night, yes I cried. haha...

Labile emotions are part and parcel to this process regardless of how it turns out.

My situation is much different and MUCH MORE CALM at the moment, and I STILL move all over the place in my emotions and desires.

Realize that it is normal... DON'T ACT ON ANYTHING EMOTIONAL at any given time. If it is the RIGHT THING TO DO... it will be right to do tomorrow, after you have had time to let it rest. I have reacted to my emotions several times, usually believing that I was doing 'good' ie quick forgiveness without allowing for an apology first, etc. I believe that I prolonged difficulty, by thinking, quite often, that I was being 'good' when I actually needed to be a bit more 'tough'.

Just don't react or be too quick to do anything. Your emotions WILL CHANGE... and what you think at this moment WILL NOT be the same in the next moment. If after a day or two you still believe something, THEN it is OK to act upon it. Just take your time in EVERYTHING and don't REACT TO ANYTHING.

NW- Not that it will help you this time, but take a "love note" with you whenever you go out to her car to put the VAR in or go to take it out. That way if you are caught in the car, you will have a reason to be out there(other than the VAR).

That's a great idea!! I will certanly do that from now on!!

Thank you all for the emotional advice, I truely need it. My biggest trigger is the lying, knowing everything that I do, I have found it hard for me to act rationally. I have certanly gotten better though.

Thank you, I know I do better when I'm not reactive. I know my triggers, I need to work on calming myself when I allow my self to fired up.

Don't give up!Act, don't react. It really is hard, day to day but you are really doing great.

I got served with D papers tonight at the house after dinner. NW5 was right there next to me investigating who was at our front door. WW was in the living room holding the Dog. I took the papers and thanked the kind gentleman.

I read the papers and she is asking for everything. Full custody, child support, pay for her legal fees, alimony. I finnished and asked her if she had read them. She said no. I said you signed them. I went out and had a smoke.

Did some laundry, dishes, and played w/NW5 until bed. WW put him to bed tonight. She told me before I freak out, listen to me. I said, Ok, I'm not going to freak out, I just find it funny that the same things you got very upset about and verbally abusive the other night, are them same things you have just filed for....without reading what may be the most significant document in three people's lives.

So we talked. We are still in agreement of anything associated with NW5 it will be 50/50, no alimony, no lawyer fees, no CS. She did say several times that her lawyer says that the judge may override our no CS agreement. She blamed her lawyer, touchee....

She is a teacher and has summers off. She is under the impression that on my days w/NW5 that I should drop him off at her new Apt. I let her know that I was against this because those will be my days. This caused some friction. I dont know how to handle this issue with out it being a huge LB.

I know now that she views all my actions of late as me trying to show everyone that I am the hero in all of this. All of my actions are so that I can look good. Is this a good or bad? Is she seeing improvments and writing them off as an ego boost for me??????????

We went on to have a pretty good civil talk. She is under the impression that everything will cool between us once she leaves. Am I seting her up for a Darker Plan B? Should I tell her what Plan B will look like/life w/o NW? I feel I have told her this already. I feel I am walking a very tight rope here. I am leaning towards Plan B once she moves out, maybe 2-3 weeks from now. I still need to work out some logistical issues.

Thanks, the encouragment helps alot. Sometimes I feel like I have no idea what I doing...

Sorry to hear this latest development bro. Looks like we are in a very similar position now with the D papers and all.

Have you determined what YOU want? What is your goal? Work towards that end regardless of the 'legal' situation. If the marriage is still what you want, do not be deterred by this event. It ain't over till the ink is dry.

If you actually WANT to be divorced, we will support you in those efforts as well. Stay tough.

Huge developments on the OM front!!

WW went to Target, she called me and said I need to call OM because he is on the way to my house! I called him and he denied everything that WW told me about the affair. Totally threw her story under the bus. He gave me his cell # too.

WW came home imediatly and was very upset. I ended the call and she left and said she was going back to target. She texted and and said she was going to a friends house in a town 30min away..

I checked my email and sure enough in my inbox there is an email from the OMlongtime girlfriend. They are not married but have lived together since highschool, 12yrs. She told me alot of info, she did call me 5 years ago. She has been snooping and suspecting for years. She told me that I didn't know how happy she was to receive my letter. OM is planning on moving out also.

WW is at an address in another town 30min away, I don't know if she is coming home tonight. OMGF is on her way to the address to investigate. We suspect that WW will be there (at her friends)and meet w/OM later tonight. OMGF is awesome!!!!! We are going to text each ather tonight and she is going to tail them tonight with the info from my GPS!! She told me we are in this together, she is also very close to OM's mother. I want to kiss her right now!!

Wow!! I am so excited. I also found out about another relationship WW might have had while we were dating from OMGF. Wow...This has been a very busy day...

That is great news that you are in touch with a cooperative OMGF! It's about time you caught a break.

This is the email from OMGF:

You don't know how happy I am that you sent that letter! I have tried to get in touch with you since October 2009 and before. Please call me on my cell phone. I will be glad to talk with you. ANd yes, if you have proof, please send it to me. I confronted them both back in October 2009 and they both denied it. I can give you actual dates I think it happened, because that's when he was gone from home! Please call me.

and.....

Please call me anytime. I don't care what time of day or night it is. This has been bugging me and ruining everything we have built together. I can't wait to hear from you. ANd yes, if you have proof, please show me. I can tell you I knew something was going on back in October 2009 because I looked at his cell phone bill and it was a cell phone number I didn't recognize calling him every few minutes and they were speaking longer than a few minutes. SOmetimes an hour or so. But she was calling him every night like clockwork. When I confronted them both, they said they were just friends!! I should have known better! I feel so stupid.

I feel so much better right now....

This is why you needed to figure things out and expose a long time ago. Document your WW staying away for the night. This will help in any future custody case.

I talked to OM again, he called me actually. He really wants me to believe his that he hasn't contacted WW since he was fired from there last summer. He said that he wants nothing to do with my marriage or WW or any part of breaking it up. I told him that I want him to say those thins to me and WW together. He agreed

I talked to OMGF again. She is devoted to getting to the bottom of this. She is going to email OM work schedule and past phone bill records. She also told me that she talked to OM mom and OM in the room, she was on speaker. OM was tapdancing, cussing out my WW for saying those things. OM familiy is also very religious and very much against his actions and breaking up a M.

Also, OMGF had my WW talk to her and OM on the phone and say they had nothing going on like 7 years ago. 7 years?!?! We have been married for 5. Oh man, what to do...

OM and OMGF have been together 10 yrs, OMGF does not know what to do about their relationship. I told her about MB. She seemed very interested.

I texted WW to see if she is coming home tonight. We'll see.

Please tell me that, at this point in time, you don't believe this nonsense?

Translation....

WW and OM met. OM told WW about letter. WW crapped herself.

Not sure if this is a good idea just yet. Seems like things are moving really fast. OMGF could easily tell OM about MB. If they continue contact (just deeper underground now) they would have access to your secret weapon -- MB.