OK - Here we go.<P>H is still living with OW. I have done nothing but worked on myself and taken care of our son. I am moving forward with my life in every respect - except rushing into divorce.<P>I no longer stay depressed. I do get sad at times when I think of something specific, but I am not consumed by the sadness. I feel a void in my life without H, but a completely miserable one like when it first started. <P>My counselor has pointed out my great coping skills. I have only been upset in his office one time. I have explained to him that I am always on a good day when I am in his office. My H went to counseling together a few times. My counselor says my H behavior and actions (that have been described by both of us) point to narcissism. (H if you are lurking - it is true). He says that narcissistic behavior is very hard to change. My H has admitted to having trouble with the career/family balance. He loves our son, but I am afraid that if he could do it all over he would not have kids. The minute I got pregnant he wasn't sure. He has started enjoying more time with our son. At 18 months he is more fun and a little more independant.<P>Anyway, sorry to get off on that tangent. What I want to know is that since I am no longer dreading life without my H - and am looking forward to certain aspects without him - does that mean I am ready to move on without him completely? Anybody else had to cross this bridge?<P>Any thoughts are appreciated!<P>------------------<BR>d is for dog<BR>h is for hope<BR>j is for joy, pure joy!<P><p>[This message has been edited by dhj (edited October 24, 1999).]

OK - nothing like having your feelings hurt!<BR>I know I got a little (just a little) wordy!<P>Sorry - maybe I will try to ask in a different way.<P> <BR><P>------------------<BR>d is for dog<BR>h is for hope<BR>j is for joy, pure joy!<P>

Hi dhj,<P>Sorry no one else answered your question. I'm not sure I can answer it either, since I'm in a completely different situation than you.<P>But I'm glad you are doing so much better than before. I remember how sad you were when you first joined the list. I remember trying to help your husband. I'm sorry I couldn't get through to him.<P>Your ability to think of your life without him in it might mean that you are ready to move on completely without him. Is that what you want? It could also simply mean that your life is not ruled by him. That you now realize that you can live your life without depending on one person. To me, that is very powerful, and if you do get back together with your husband, he will be dealing with an entirely different woman! Good for you!<P>--andy

DHJ,<P>Glad to hear your'e doing better and taking care of yourself and son. You have a little farther to travel on this journey though.<P>I would say stay with Plan A for now. I put the question to myself. What would I do if Val didn't want to come back and reconsile. I made the realization that nine chances out of ten I would still wake up tomorrow. After I accepted the fact that she is not coming home all my fears left. She can't hurt me anymore if I don't let her. If she wants to come back great. If not I'm ready and that would be fine too. <P>Put yourself and your son first and foremost as a priority. You need to heal and respect yourself before you can worry about someone else or your marriage. I have made what I believe to be remarkable progress most recently with worrying about me and my feelings. I have once again found happiness.<P>Wishing us all the Best,<P>Medic

dhj<P>If your husband really is a narcissist, you're better off on your own. Keep on doing what you have been doing; do for YOU and your baby. This from experience.<P>Take care...<P>------------------<BR>Bobbie<P>

It sounds as if you are a very strong person and will do well no matter what the outcome of your marriage.